We begin with an excerpt from the book The Descent of the Dove by Charles Williams (1939). The book is a short, very unique, history of Christianity. In this segment ¹ he notes that the very earliest Christians seem to have had powers on a scale that their successors did not, and mentions in particular that they had a method of uniting the sexes with "heavenly daring."

Journalist Gail Johnson interviewed Marnia and several men from the "Reuniting" forum for this article, which looks at sex addiction in terms of brain chemistry.

When David Duchovny entered rehab for sex addiction, he drew attention to a condition with devastating effects

During his second marriage, a man we’ll call Walter Logan had three or four affairs a year, every year, throughout the entire decade he and his wife were together. When the Vancouver lawyer wasn’t screwing around or indulging in pornography, he masturbated several times a day

Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia (with Michael Winn) was my first introduction to the wisdom of making love without striving for orgasm. This book made a big impression on me and I am very grateful to its authors. Chia, a neo-Taoist master, teaches men another way to manage their sexual energy, as well as the weakness in humanity's current habits. His book greatly expanded my understanding of my role as a lover, helping me to become a safer lover.

However, even before I stumbled upon the ancient account of Taoist lovemaking in the work of the famous Taoist sage, Lao Tzu, I realized that there was an inherent inconsistency in Chia’s teachings.

Excerpt from Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, due out June, 2009. (Pre-order from Random House)

Hit by Cupid’s arrow! What an exhilarating, enviable state of affairs. Everyone wants to believe that the key to lasting romantic bliss is a partner with whom you feel a passion so intense that it can never fade. Yet, have you ever fallen in love with total abandon, experienced wonderful lovemaking, been sure you wanted to stay together forever—and then noticed recurring emotional friction arising between you and your beloved? If you’re married do you have a sense that the honeymoon is over? Perhaps one of you sometimes becomes clingy and demanding while the other feels devoured and needs "space." Maybe you experience subtle, periodic irritation, or a sense of stagnation that is gradually extinguishing your former delight in each other. Perhaps you engage in spectacular fights interspersed with passionate reconciliation.

This subconscious alienation—which mates so often encounter despite their desire to remain in love—is the result of an unsuspected poison on Cupid’s arrow.

Gary and I were interested to discover that there is a very active forum on a popular science site in the UK called "Naked Scientists" about Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome, known as "POIS." These men (and a few women) suffer debilitating symptoms after orgasm, such as exhaustion, insomnia, flu-like symptoms, brain fog, anxiety, depression, weakness, indigestion and so forth. It tends to last for a few days until around two weeks.

I’ve always wondered why the Ecstatic Exchanges can create such powerful shifts for couples…and yet why it is so easy for stagnation to creep back into an intimate relationship. Recently I stumbled upon an insight that furnishes an answer to both questions.

We humans are programmed for both reproductive urges (mating) and for physical and emotional closeness (bonding). The bonding program evolved primarily to bond us to our parents, and our kids. This powerful caregiver-infant connection is so fundamental that it is what separates mammals from reptiles. Reptiles just lay eggs and wander off; baby mammals need strong emotional ties to their caregivers for a time in order to survive.

Last year a sexologist did research on women engaging in various kinds of sexual activity for 30 days - and tested them to see how attractive and friendly they found (unknown) men's pictures. He was trying to prove that women engaging in PVI (penile-vaginal intercourse) would find pictures of strange men less attractive than the other women did, because they would be more bonded with their mates.

Carl Jung recounted the following story, told to him by Richard Wilhelm, who lived in China for many years:¹

There was a great drought where Wilhelm lived; for months there had not been a drop of rain and the situation became catastrophic. The Catholics made processions, the Protestants made prayers, and the Chinese burned joss-sticks and shot off guns to frighten away the demons of the drought, but with no result.
Finally the Chinese said, 'We will fetch the rain-maker.' And from another province a dried up old man appeared. The only thing he asked for was a quiet little house somewhere, and there he locked himself in for three days.
On the fourth day the clouds gathered and there was a great snow-storm at the time of the year when no snow was expected, an unusual amount, and the town was so full of rumours about the wonderful rain-maker that Wilhelm went to ask the man how he did it.
In true European fashion he said: 'They call you the rain-maker; will you tell me how you made the snow?'
And the little Chinese said: 'I did not make the snow; I am not responsible.'
'But what have you done these three days?'
'Oh, I can explain that. I come from another country where things are in order. Here they are out of order; they are not as they should be by the ordinance of heaven. Therefore the whole country is not in Tao, and I also am not in the natural order of things because I am in a disordered country. So I had to wait three days until I was back in Tao and then naturally the rain came.'”