Aphrodites Chela's blog

Thanksgiving

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on

I am thankful for the love and support found here. I am grateful for Marnia and Gary bringing forth the important information about orgasm and bonding. I give thanks for Izzy's embrace!

Love For No Reason

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on

I don't know how or why this book got onto my reading list (movie "The Secret"?) but it came to me at the right time. By day 66 (today is 70) I was wondering, "What's next?". I missed the excitement of wanting my Izzy and was wondering how to get that back and stay on track. I read "Chicken Soup for the Soul" a long time ago and it was OK but when I saw "Chicken Soup for Cat Lover's Soul" advertised, I figured that's enough chicken soup!

Babies and Bath Water

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on

39 days of not asking. Let's remember this path is not what Marnia recommends.
What has been lost? What has been gained?
I used to feel that I had a large (soccer ball sized) hole in my chest. I was desperate to fill it. I found a few ways to do it but it was an emotional roller coaster. For a few weeks now, it is more like a dent. Same size, same place. Ya know that car you wrecked and pocketed the insurance money instead of having it fixed? I can drive it but with this dull ache it ain't all that pretty.

Leaking

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on

Hunger and need leaking out everywhere
The darkness of Desire
Every look
every word
is suspect
there is no compassion, only hunger
I am raw. Nothing is clean.

The young mothers are too attractive
My eyes linger too long on the glamour in People magazine
The sexy cover of a dance catalogue beckons
TV background noise, a young woman telling Jimmy Kimmel of her interview with Howard Stern
My fingers itch to Google pictures of her

gawd help me, it's day 8

Day 2

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on

The beginning of Day 2 of not asking my Isadora for anything. Yesterday was easy because I was angry. Today she came downstairs to dress by the fire as I was on the yoga mat. I couldn't look at her nakedness. It's just too confusing for me. How do I give when my lust is soooo high? I'll figure it out. I also did not stop my practice right away to give her a greeting hug. It is usual for me to drop whatever I'm doing to take her in my arms (puppy vampire). We've agreed that it is a sign of separation to not greet or part without a hug or a kiss.

Huh?

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on

From the other room, she mumbles....my Izzy is more a mumbler these days.
Me: You think you'll wear the antique dress?
She: I think I'll wear my (shoe) inserts
Always confirm your beliefs!

My favorite joke from a birthday card Izzy's brother gave me, best when performed live with 2 elder friends. Three guys walking on a beach:
First guy: It's windy today
Second: No, I think it's Thursday
Third: Me too, let's get a beer!

Nicholas Sparks

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on

Hopeless Romantic that I am, I tried NS again with "The Wedding" and am reminded why I gave up on him. I'm thinking the story could be renamed "The Apology: How I Made Amends to My Wife After Screwing Up". My problem is deeper. It has to do with myth the unloved child believes: If I Do Everything Right, She will Love Me. In the story, he does do everything right. Much like I wanted to do everything right on this karezza path. For me, I think it might be better to stop seeing the Golden Boy as the paragon and start looking to the smelly, dirty, homeless man.

Pages