I am thankful for the love and support found here. I am grateful for Marnia and Gary bringing forth the important information about orgasm and bonding. I give thanks for Izzy's embrace!
Aphrodites Chela's blog
"90 Days of Not Asking" Done! there were some failures but many lessons learned.
I don't know how or why this book got onto my reading list (movie "The Secret"?) but it came to me at the right time. By day 66 (today is 70) I was wondering, "What's next?". I missed the excitement of wanting my Izzy and was wondering how to get that back and stay on track. I read "Chicken Soup for the Soul" a long time ago and it was OK but when I saw "Chicken Soup for Cat Lover's Soul" advertised, I figured that's enough chicken soup!
39 days of not asking. Let's remember this path is not what Marnia recommends.
What has been lost? What has been gained?
I used to feel that I had a large (soccer ball sized) hole in my chest. I was desperate to fill it. I found a few ways to do it but it was an emotional roller coaster. For a few weeks now, it is more like a dent. Same size, same place. Ya know that car you wrecked and pocketed the insurance money instead of having it fixed? I can drive it but with this dull ache it ain't all that pretty.
Hunger and need leaking out everywhere
The darkness of Desire
there is no compassion, only hunger
I am raw. Nothing is clean.
The young mothers are too attractive
My eyes linger too long on the glamour in People magazine
The sexy cover of a dance catalogue beckons
TV background noise, a young woman telling Jimmy Kimmel of her interview with Howard Stern
My fingers itch to Google pictures of her
gawd help me, it's day 8
The beginning of Day 2 of not asking my Isadora for anything. Yesterday was easy because I was angry. Today she came downstairs to dress by the fire as I was on the yoga mat. I couldn't look at her nakedness. It's just too confusing for me. How do I give when my lust is soooo high? I'll figure it out. I also did not stop my practice right away to give her a greeting hug. It is usual for me to drop whatever I'm doing to take her in my arms (puppy vampire). We've agreed that it is a sign of separation to not greet or part without a hug or a kiss.
2016-01-10 Sender offered accurate insight and gave me 3 suggestions:
From the other room, she mumbles....my Izzy is more a mumbler these days.
Me: You think you'll wear the antique dress?
She: I think I'll wear my (shoe) inserts
Always confirm your beliefs!
My favorite joke from a birthday card Izzy's brother gave me, best when performed live with 2 elder friends. Three guys walking on a beach:
First guy: It's windy today
Second: No, I think it's Thursday
Third: Me too, let's get a beer!
Hopeless Romantic that I am, I tried NS again with "The Wedding" and am reminded why I gave up on him. I'm thinking the story could be renamed "The Apology: How I Made Amends to My Wife After Screwing Up". My problem is deeper. It has to do with myth the unloved child believes: If I Do Everything Right, She will Love Me. In the story, he does do everything right. Much like I wanted to do everything right on this karezza path. For me, I think it might be better to stop seeing the Golden Boy as the paragon and start looking to the smelly, dirty, homeless man.
Plan #26 H&V
All of my life I have wanted guarantees. I want to know what I can do to assure the outcome. I made a plan to not approach my Isadora until she approached me first. This plan resided in my head, alone.