Hello all -
Just a quick little note to announce that a huge shift has happened in the past few weeks with my husband and I. With a three year old son and another little one inch long babe in my belly, our sex life has become pretty typical of a married couple in our early childrearing years. Sex about 3 times a month, with some resentment on my part that we are rarely physical except when it comes to sex - all the typical male/female dynamics, the inane details of which we are all too familiar with. Always a longing for a deeper kind of connection. A sense of loneliness even while being married to my true Beloved, and knowing this.
In the past when we have tried to do karezza it has been less than interesting probably because we didn't do enough of the exchanges, or we were doing it under the context of my dissatisfaction with where we were at, or we were "trying" to do this think called karezza. Somehow I think we have just reached a place in our lives of emotional readiness for this. A lot of it has to do with me being pregnant and my husband having a very regular meditation practice with fewer of his other addictive habits grabbing hold of him. We just suddenly made this a priority and since then, we have been just doing karezza, rather than "trying" to do karezza. The relaxation is amazing and the level of bliss and ecstacy I feel is entirely different. The way I describe it to my husband is that slow relaxed sex makes me truly, authentically, emotionally, physically and energetically receptive. Whereas conventional sex I find to be tiring and downright boring in its predictability, even with the usual orgasm.
This seems very black and white but honestly, I just don't have the energy or reserves to do that anymore. And I wonder why it has taken me so long to reach the point where I have admitted what a priority this needs to be, given how long I have known about this form of lovemaking. Childrearing is just so exhausting that I think it brings out some of the most primitive and in some ways least cultivated parts of ourselves because we are always running on empty and never really get to rejuvenate. As many of you may know from a last post, I got really sick from all the meds after the c-section. For almost three years virtually all of my energy was dedicated to reclaiming my life from poisonous medications and an overly-medical birth process in which a totally normal and healthy birth was disrupted because of ridiculous conceptual ideas the medical establishment has about how birth is "supposed" to happen, and when. How women give birth totally affects their sex lives. Raising kids is hard enough as it is. To realize the gravity of just how fucked up our birth system is in this country and how negatively it affects women and relationships is nothing short of mind-boggling and really devastating on a level I can't even express.
The good news is that karezza can heal a lot of this, and loving sex is what women need. Being pregnant right now, I'm just so grateful that we are choosing the frequent, loving, relaxed sex that my sacred space needs to be embodied and open for a truly amazing second birth. I feel conventional sex during my pregnancy would be few and far between, I would be emotionally and physically lonely through the pregnancy with that kind of sex, and it wouldn't help to prepare me for the birth process. So I'm very grateful we're exploring this now and I intend to continue and deepen into these ways on a level I never have before!
It's very clear when we slip over into orgasm how the charge dissipates and the old typical patterns of depletion, defensiveness, etc settle in. My god! Haven't men and women been through enough of this? It is time for a change.
Thank you Marnia for all your work getting the word out about this way of making love.
Blessings to all on their journeys!