Here goes again... (WARNING FOR SINGLE GUYS - THIS CONTAINS TRIGGERS!)

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on
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Hi there! It’s been quite a while that I participated in this forum. Part of the reason is that, for most of the past couple years, I lived at a Christian center in the US, and the internet connection there filters out this website.

I’m still not married, but of course my sexual cravings remain unchanged. I was sober from masturbation for about 18 months when I started laying hands on myself again. It was partly due to the fact that I had become interested in a nice and very good-looking young man, and thus started heavily fantasizing again. Then it happened during a time of extreme physical exhaustion that I went down that road again. That was last year in March, and ever since I've been doing it on and off. I did manage to abstain from October last year until May of this year; but again, a time of severe physical taxation pulled the trigger so that I stimulated myself again. So since then, I'm on and off again.

In fact, I'm on a reboot again since this very morning. I MO'd three times in the past couple days. Unfortunately, this feeling is too beautiful to just give it up like this! Lately, I have realized that I do enjoy edging. At some point, I was wondering whether it wouldn't be enough for me just to edge, since it gives me this nice feeling accompanied with relaxation. But then I would always want to go all the way to the O, because I crave this dopamine kick with total relaxation afterwards. And in these days, I've even been doing it in spite of being on my period! This has never really happened before, and I'm becoming a bit worried.

Now I have read on the "NoFap" website that if I flood my receptors with dopamine, they wouldn't heal. Hm, so I'm just wondering now where is the real difference between solo-sex and partner-sex? In one article on "Your brain on Porn", it quotes:

"What about edging without using porn? Depends on your goals I guess. Keep in mind that YBOP is about Internet porn, not masturbation (hello nofap/reddit). Is it similar to simply staying close to the edge with a partner? Not exactly, because you are wiring your sexual response to your own hand."

But what if I gave my spouse instructions to stimulate me in a certain way? Wouldn't this be the same like masturbating?

I know it's not encouraged on this site to go all the way to O, and I would indeed be intrigued to try Karezza with my future spouse (especially after reading some of the reports here!); but at least in the beginning, I would also like to experience conventional sex, as I have only experienced that in pre-marital relationships and not in the relationship that God ordained exclusively for sex.

But I'm not even in a relationship yet. However I do have a potential prospect, which again doesn't make it easy to keep the fantasies at bay - but I'm defininitely doing much better in this department than I did with the last guy.

Anyway, I'm also wondering whether it would be ok if I gently caress my body (right now, I really like my body, as I have lost some weight), and how I could do this without becoming too aroused. Yes, I'm remembering this technique where you deviate your sexual energy into other parts of the body than breasts and genitals, but I figure that this takes a lot of discipline!

Comments

Exhaustion can make staying

Exhaustion can make staying conscious enough to control these outlets tough. Get more rest and then see how you feel about everything else? 

Will answers to these hypothetical questions help you at the moment? You'll likely figure much of this out for yourself through trial and error. Some of those errors might be necessary to figure out what works for you. 

I fell back into the trap a

I fell back into the trap a few weeks ago. I did it a few times, and already I started justifying and thinking weird thoughts that aren't like me. Posted something I regretted on these forums, got a warning and told Marnia I'd leave and not bother you guys again.

Well, somehow I'm back anyhow. Like I said, I did it a few times, fell into old habits for a bit, and am now hopefully back to normal. (that was after years of no masturbation and almost no orgasms, I'm not some nofapper on his second week or something like that)

The karezza way is better for me. I guess I just needed a reminder of what it was all like on the other side. I feel good and stable all the time again.

I think I start falling back into old habits when things are going south. Was about to lose my job, stayed inside my room too much, felt bad for inexplicable reasons things like that. That made it very enticing.

Then I discovered there was a huge source of nasty mold on the tatami mats I'd been using to sleep on. I got them out of my room as quick as possible. The air is so much better, I sleep better, feel so good and rested and absolutely content again with no cravings for orgasm.

I think when I feel like I crave an orgasm or sex, that's usually just a cover for another problem. This time it turned out to be mold that ruined my sleep coupled with some other dissatisfactory things. It's often not a willpower thing, try to think about your whole environment and what it might be that isn't working.

Symptom versus problem

There seems endless debate about this. I'm more in the symptom camp because when I've been able to avoid orgasm it's been mostly effortless and perhaps because other aspects of life seemed more in order. Forcing abstinence doesn't seem to work nor provide much improvement. Energy is better spent on other efforts.

Does that model imply so many lives are out of order and if so, how can that be?

My Thoughts on Why

"...Does that model imply so many lives are out of order and if so, how can that be?..."

I think dark forces control this world. I think they are in the process of being overthrown.

Those dark forces poison our bodies via:
GMO/pesticide-ridden/herbicide-ridden/nutrient light food
Prescription and OTC drugs
Tainted vaccines
Fluoride in water
Chemtrails in the air

TV is a wasteland. And, there is the subliminal control element of it, too. Same with most movies and much of modern music, is my sense.

Government and media constantly try to frighten us.

I would not doubt that dark forces push porn to be freely available and socially acceptable. That many women view porn is shocking to me, and a radical change from when I was a teenager in the '70s.

The dark forces have been at this for millennia.

No wonder so many people have physical, mental, spiritual, and relationship problems.

But, the good news is that people are waking up. Evidence of that is the move to organic food and home gardening, falling faith in the mass media, falling registration of Democrats and Republicans, etc.

Population growth and entropy

Population growth and entropy should mean any dark force control becomes increasingly difficult. It might not mean people are advancing. There have always been outliers. And few are outliers in all aspects of life.

Thank you for your comment Zlarp

There are indeed so many factors influencing us in this regard. I have found that late August through October is the most difficult time for me to stay away from MO. I still need to do some more research about that, but I remember many years ago, I read an article in a German magazine that elaborated on the influence of the late summer/early fall season on our hormones and sex drive. It's a fact that the majority of babies are born in May and June (I'm one of those May babies as well, and one of my brothers is too). This prickling under my skin is distinctly stronger during this time of year. Plus I was exhausted, so one thing came to another.

But I'm thankful that I've been sick with the flu for the past few days. Of course it's been an ordeal, but I haven't been inclined at all to lay hands on myself. So this helps me tremendously with the reboot. However, I know that I need to be very vigilant, as I'm starting to recover now, and of course the prickling and the erotic thoughts are coming back... but I do not need to allow them to build nests in my head ;-).

Thank you for the thumbs up Marnia :-)

My problem is that I'm still sleep deprived, and that sucks. There are too many things going on in my mind, and I really need to calm down from this standpoint. But it's difficult right now. I only slept like 2 hours last night. Woke up at 11:30 pm because apparently, I had slept on my arm, which took away the blood supply, and that was painful. Then I made a few phone calls, but never really calmed down afterwards... Well, now it's past 5 am and time to start the day. Thank God that I don't have any appointments!

Indeed

I think of the Dalai Lama's smile and statement that we should be compassionate towards ourselves.
Mindfulness = "but I do not need to allow them to build nests in my head". Exactly! Stick to that and you will find success. I like to laugh at myself when I have those thoughts. Here I am all karezza/spiritual/loving guy and then Dick Lizard shows up.....gotta laugh!
luv ya

Sleep

Your mama says, "Don't make phone calls at 11:30 at night!"
I love my zolpidem ("Ask your Doctor today!") 5 mg shuts those voices up and lets me get back to sleep. Best part is that it wears off in 3-4 hours so I'm not hung over in the morning. Izzy may take half that dose from time to time.
Every home should have a copy of "Shands' Handbook of Orthopedic Surgery", read half a page of that and you will be asleep, guaranteed!

Fall

The poison oak climbing the fir is bright red
The bucks are walking about, dazed with their entire focus on that doe
Suicide squirrels running amok on the road
What's a po' girl to do?
Wish you well