Karezza in Four Easy Steps (for men)

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by L. Kevin Johnson

Note: This article is written specifically for men. But it is helpful for women to understand what a man needs to accomplish in order for them both to experience mutual, sexual harmony. Therefore it is recommended that couples work on the process together. It takes time to wean off the “mating sex” program and regularly engage in bonding behaviors, such as Karezza, with lots of cuddling in-between, holding hands, affectionate hugs, etc., before our brains start to rewire and build receptors that will enable us to experience the enjoyable effects of oxytocin, the “love hormone.”

Introduction

Simply stated, Karezza is the practice of gentle, sexual intercourse, without the goal of orgasm. When a man can control his ejaculation, satisfaction is quickly attained because sex lasts longer, erectile dysfunction is often healed and fatherhood becomes a matter of choice, rather than an accident. In my experience, the secret to success is deciding that you want to give up the habit of masturbation altogether.  As long as it is still an option in your mind, there remains a nagging temptation to “give in” to an orgasm, especially whenever you feel stressed or happen to shift into the “rough waters” of sexual arousal while making love to a woman.

Several couples I’ve talked to recently have expressed confusion about how to transition from standard mating sex to the gentler style of Karezza, which is actually a type of bonding behavior. If you want detailed information about the neurological and physical health benefits of this practice I encourage you to check out the articles and resources at www.reuniting.info (a website dedicated to education on the topic of sexual addiction and the development of mature intimacy in personal relationships).

To take the mystery and confusion out of the subject of Karezza, I present from my own personal experience, a simplified step by step approach to this practice of love-making. Any healthy adult male should be able to follow the advice given here and reach success in avoiding preliminary ejaculation, porn addiction or overcoming sexual dissatisfaction. Karezza is essential for any couple who wants to truly reconcile with one another and experience a deep, rewarding intimate relationship.

Many men really believe that it is harmless to masturbate as much as they want. This is one of the biggest fallacies perpetuated in the modern world today. Ejaculating too often, particularly every day, is the surest way to weaken and diminish your sexual strength. You sacrifice a tremendous amount of energy each time you do it, only to get three seconds of pleasure. The older you are, the worse it gets. At age 20 a man may very well be an endless fountain of semen, but by age 40 and beyond he would be wise to conserve as much energy as possible if he wants to continue having satisfying bonding sex with women!

Another thing, if you really care about women, there are other reasons why you might want to consider giving up ejaculating. Many women today suffer from recurring and painful bladder and yeast infections and Barpholins cysts after intercourse and have to regularly use antibiotics.  Drugs  can upset the natural balance of the body, causing the overgrowth of yeast.  What most lovers don’t realize is that the cause is due to a regular drenching of the vaginal tissues with male seminal fluid. Semen is a sugar-like medium, designed to protect and nourish sperm cells as they travel toward the female egg. And where do yeasts thrive best? In sugary, dark, moist places, like vaginas. 

Karezza in Four Easy Steps

STEP ONE: So once you’ve educated yourself and made a firm decision that you want to learn Karezza and move away from masturbation and fertilization-driven mating sex, the first step is to limit ejaculation to no more than twice a month. After six months or so you’ll find that you have less and less desire to unconsciously deplete your life-essence by continuously emitting semen, especially when you have no intention of impregnating a woman.

Eventually you may discover that regularly masturbating and ejaculating are not that important anymore.  Then it becomes your choice whether or not you want to continue. But twice a month is probably the safest upward limit if you wish to keep doing it and remain healthy, youthful and vibrant. Many Karezza men report that the desire for orgasm and ejaculation completely goes away after a few months and is no longer an issue. 

STEP TWO: For now, decide to put off masturbation and sexual intercourse for at least a couple of weeks to give your brain chemistry a chance to settle down and re-stabilize. (Read "The Passion Cycle" at www.reuniting.info. It will explain scientifically why this is so important.) Meanwhile you can recruit your wife or find a girl friend to help you with this critical transition phase, of moving from mating to bonding sex.

Allow her to offer you a genital/penis massage at least 3 or 4 times a week during the next two weeks. Doing it every day is okay too, but you really should willingly do something non-sexual for her in exchange, such as dinner and a movie out, affectionate (non-sexual) snuggling, back massage, foot rub, house work, etc. It should be something of her choice that would please her.

A genital massage session should last at least 20 minutes but not more than 45 minutes. The point of this is to help acclimate you toward receiving direct genital touching without getting “heated up” or aroused or to the point that you want to encourage the urge to ejaculate. Permit the woman to keep her clothes on. Lie on your back, open your legs and relax. Have her apply some almond oil to her hand and let her gently and very, very slowly massage your scrotum, testicles, penis and perineum. Breathe slowly and deeply while she softly and tenderly pulls the skin of the scrotum and pubic hair. These light touches require that you remain still. Have her push slightly (with short fingernails if possible) into your groin at different places around your penis to release built up tension. Don’t encourage her to stroke the penis! She can do gentle, light squeezing and releasing along the shaft and head.

Due to the fact that the male genitals have experienced a constant build-up of tension through orgasm and ejaculation, this type of gentle massage from a female greatly relieves soreness and pain in that area. It is very soothing and relaxing and releases oxytocin in the brain, which makes you feel bonded to your partner

If you are prone to getting heated up easily, then have a bowl of ice and a cold damp wash cloth next to the bed. As soon as you feel that familiar horny, full feeling, which means the semen is beginning to load in your prostate, have her stop the massage and place the cold rag on your testicles and the sensation will eventually subside. Then your lady can go back to the massage.

Remember, if abstaining from masturbating is causing you to get “blue balls,” it isn’t an indication that you need to ejaculate. It simply means that your body is adjusting to retaining and reabsorbing the semen into the surrounding groin tissue. To soothe the discomfort, apply the cold compress for a few minutes whenever the pain arises. It took only about a week for me to overcome the soreness when I finally quit masturbating. After that, my body adjusted and all the symptoms of “blue balls” went away once and for all.

The purpose of the penis massage is to enable you to learn how to focus your awareness on the present moment, develop heightened sensitivity, channel your sexual energy to the woman and appreciate her touch. It is an excellent training method to prepare you for Karezza sex. It doesn’t matter if you have an erection of not. Don’t worry about that. Most probably, you will discover that you are numb or insensitive in this area from years of pursuing vaginal thrusting and hard masturbating.  You have to relearn how to “feel” gentle sensations and welcome the pleasant nurturing of a woman’s affection. When you can successfully get through two weeks of several penis massages without ejaculating and can remain calm and relaxed, you’re ready to move on to the next phase.

STEP THREE: If you’ve gotten through at least fourteen days without ejaculating you can now try peaceful Karezza intercourse. Start with a little bit of soft, unhurried, affectionate cuddling and relaxed kissing. Then after a few minutes, if you’re not too heated up, try a round of partial insertion of the penis into the vagina, one to two inches only. Be sure to apply a generous amount of oil such as unscented almond oil on both of you.

side-lying positionLie down naked on your right side, have the woman lie on her back, her left leg over your left hip and ever so slowly glide the penis into the vagina. What’s really incredible about doing it this way is that initially, it’s not even necessary to have an erection. If you use enough oil, the two of you can practice soft penetration and easily “pop it in”. In some cases, the penis will then slowly expand and grow inside of her.

Now from this point on, you have to focus on relaxing and staying in “calm waters,” that is, keep yourself from getting swept away by the temptation of moving and rubbing. It is best to remain perfectly still.  Remember, avoid getting heated up. Though it may seem like this kind of sex is boring and pointless, if you stay with it and wait, you will learn that there is an incredible gift for both of you. 

It is as if the genitals know what to do and all you have to do is relax and let it happen. Your job is simply to monitor whether or not you’re feeling an eruption coming, a point where you feel tempted to move closer to orgasm. If this starts to happen, pull out and go back to cuddling and lying still together. Use the cold cloth method if necessary. Make soft eye contact and slowly kiss each other. Allow the feelings in your body to settle down and then try again. Keep going until you can make it last at least 30 minutes. When you can master this form of loving, it is possible to stay connected for even an hour or more! 

Note: If you feel the semen is about to spew and it’s inevitable that you are going to ejaculate, try this:  Pull out and immediately, press down hard on your perineum (the soft hollow tissue between the anus and scrotum) with the tips of your third & fourth fingers. Hold the pressure with your fingers, push the tip of your tongue to the roof of your month, and breathe slow and deep in through your nose and out your mouth.

If you do emit some semen, you will significantly reduce the amount lost by employing this method. Should this happen, it would be wise to discontinue the love session until another time, because your prostate has now become loaded with semen.

My best advice here is learning not to rush things. Never seek to stimulate the woman or make her feel horny or aroused. Avoid oral sex as well as clitoral stimulation.  In Karezza, women should also avoid orgasm.  (Read "What If She Were Always In the Mood" to understand how peak orgasm for both men and women can cause separation in intimate relationships.) It is better to be affectionate, attentive, kind and loving.

Your goal in Karezza is to get an energy circuit of the male and female life-force energy riding between the two of you. It’s not about stimulating the genitals so you can have a release. The objective is to send the sexual energy back and forth between you, not discharge it. That is the delight to be discovered in Karezza. That’s when the deep connection begins to happen, which is the valuable treasure and gift that this form of bonding offers.

For now, it isn’t even important to penetrate deep into the woman’s vagina. What you want to do is stay relaxed, open, still, and partially inside of her for an hour or so. If you want to change positions, do it slowly. I would strongly suggest avoiding lying on top of her, such as in missionary position. For most men this will only trigger the ejaculation/mating sex urge. If the woman lies on top of you, that is often perfectly fine, because it enables you to completely relax and not have to hold yourself up. Side to side works well too. Any position is okay as long as you can relax, stay comfortable and avoid any kind of tension.

side-lying positionThe two of you may want to benefit from this kind of love-making four or five times a week, but remember that it takes time and patience to get to the level where you, as a couple, can feel the flowing circuit. There is a pleasant energy that radiates from your perineum (base chakra) into the woman’s vagina, up toward her breasts, then out from her to your chest, down your spine back toward your genitals, then out into her again.

The first time this phenomenon happened to me I was stunned at how profoundly nourishing it was. I then realized that in all the years of pursuing orgasms for me and my woman, I had missed this incredible miracle of consciously linking with another human in love and kindness.

STEP FOUR: At this stage in the process you may find that it is easy to move toward deeper penetration, which the ancients called “the garden of Love”. The penis, no matter what length, creates an energetic connection with the cervix. It is not necessary for the head of the penis to make physical contact with the cervix.  It is the energy exchange during deep penetration that begins to generate the profound feelings of intuitive connection between a man and a woman.

It may take several months before the two of you can achieve sustained, deep penetration, especially if she experiences pain in her vagina due to past sexual trauma or emotional insecurity. The point is to make slow and steady progress toward deeper levels of relaxation and awareness. Never shove your penis into her. Avoid thrusting in and out of her just to stimulate yourself. True male authority means possessing a calm, loving penis that is used as an energetic “sending” instrument, not as a desensitized “getting” device.

Over time you will discover that the penis has an innate intelligence. It knows what it is doing and will do special things at different times. It may gently swell and then quickly shrink in size depending on the energy that is present at the time. Sometimes it will not swell into an erection at all, other times it will be huge and hard. It is at these times that you need to be extra sensitive to the woman and only inch it in slowly, then stop and let it rest in one spot.

Amazingly, the penis will probe, explore and pulsate on its own. Your job at all times is to focus on your penis and use your awareness to move the universal life-force energy you feel into her body. You must become a giver of this life energy.  It is no longer about you getting pleasure for yourself, yet it is a truly pleasant experience.  Open your heart and cultivate loving feelings and kindness to the woman. Karezza is actually a process of discovery toward the higher goal of achieving unity between a man and a woman. Do you want to bond with your woman or do you want to fertilize her?

In Conclusion

 This understanding of the goal of Karezza sex as a way to bond with another human being took me quite some time to uncover and learn. Now I feel that this simple act of consciously joining the genitals together has the potential of achieving the most profound effect, in allowing us to fulfill our true function. Human beings are here to bring love into the world, to make an impact upon the consciousness of the society and the planet. Through harmonious, sacred bonding of man and woman, the spiritual seeds of a new understanding can begin to grow and expand, reaching out to touch the lives of all people everywhere. Because all Mind is One, I believe this way of love-making is a powerful and significant transformative force.

Resources & Recommended Reading

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Quote:Note: If you feel the

Quote:

Note: If you feel the semen is about to spew and it’s inevitable that you are going to ejaculate, try this: Pull out and immediately, press down hard on your perineum (the soft hollow tissue between the anus and scrotum) with the tips of your third & fourth fingers. Hold the pressure with your fingers, push the tip of your tongue to the roof of your month, and breathe slow and deep in through your nose and out your mouth.

Is there any consensus as to whether this method leads to injaculation or retrograde ejaculation? I poked about the internet a little with no conclusive results as to if those are even different.

I understand part of the

I understand part of the thinking here to suggest semen retention was a misguided attempt at dopamine regulation. Here, this is presented as a way to retain semen. Orgasm will still happen. If the semen is just going into the bladder, there is little point. The reduction in yeast infections is still a benefit.

What do all these doctors and scientists do? No urologist has wondered about this?

Apparently,

the orgasm is less intense when interrupted, so those who experiment report less neurochemical fallout. Who knows?

Maybe they've wondered, but there has been a strong meme for the last few decades that insists (without any basis other than repetition of Kinsey's opinion) that there can never be too much sexual stimulation. So no one has thought this a fruitful area for research. Have you read this article? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201112/the-wag...

It is different. I've done

It is different. I've done some solo experimenting. What is real versus perceived is where I'm a little lost. It also isn't as pressurized as one experiences at first. There seems to be some sort of adjustment as if the brain considers this conscious choice and adjusts. Maybe there is indeed an eventual shift from retrograde ejaculation to injaculation. Some sites suggest that is what the taoists intended. We could use a resident taoist to clarify some of these things.

Ignoring addiction, many doctors have a thirst for understanding any and all body functions. That's where one would think someone would have been inspired to look. Certainly some doctors with the right knowledge and research capabilities are aware of these ideas. I'd be wondering where does the fluid go.

I hadn't seen that article. The medical world went down another track when it became a more unified establishment. Growth requires freedom to challenge and that is not adequately valued in the community which seems hijacked by egos, financials, risk mitigation, and so on. ASAM statement itself, "[b]y bringing textbooks and protocols up to date, we free healthcare providers to steer us more directly toward healthy sexuality, and avert lawsuits brought by misdiagnosed porn addicts," reflects part of this problem. The medical community needs to start doing what is right and not bending to its own or outside influences. Globalization might be useful in this regard as competition intensifies. It would also help if more consideration were given to the limitations of the scientific method and evidence-based medicine.

Personally,

I can't believe the Daoists (on the whole) would condone retrograde ejaculation as a standard practice. It can't possibly be good for the body, and it doesn't address the brain angle, which they were aware of in their own way. For example, they speak of sex without orgasm as "nourishing the brain," and too much ejaculation as doing the opposite.

One problem with academia is that the people who review the studies hold all the cards. They can "diss" anything they find threatening to their own world view as "bad science," which often discourages new points of view...except for those which do not threaten earlier conclusions.

For me, reading A Short History of Everything by Bryson was convincing proof that quite often academics *impede* humanity's progress. This is not to take away from their many wonderful contributions, which we, too, highly value.

But at the end of the day the answers you find are only as good as the questions you ask. And when it comes to sex, humanity is simply not yet asking the right questions. That article I linked to explains one big reason for this glaring gap, but the tradition of not looking at the possibility of sexual excess, an orgasm cycle, or the differences in the brain between intercourse and masturbation, etc. goes farther back.

Around 1900, the medical profession was very anti-masturbation. Then there was a complete revolution thanks to Kinsey and others. Since then, doctors have been completely unwilling to reconsider the matter. Instead they're taught in school that excess is impossible "because people will quit when they've had enough." That seemed logical, and was probably right...for most people...until the advent of highspeed porn.

Time to rethink...but the entrenched viewpoint is powerful...and sarcastic, condescending and arrogant. Few wish to risk their professional status and livelihood questioning the status quo. That's one reason I honestly believe we have a role to play. We can get important information out...information that a lot of health care professionals agree with but can't risk promoting...yet.

At some point the floodgates will open.

Mystery

Marnia wrote:

I can't believe the Daoists (on the whole) would condone retrograde ejaculation as a standard practice. It can't possibly be good for the body, and it doesn't address the brain angle, which they were aware of in their own way. For example, they speak of sex without orgasm as "nourishing the brain," and too much ejaculation as doing the opposite.

I agree. That's part of the mystery. Where they confused? Is something lost in translation? Did the West misperceive or use selective conveyance? Even among those interested in Taoism, there is mystery and little agreement. http://www.thetaobums.com/index.php?/topic/4903-retrograde-ejaculation

Can we contact Mantak Chia? Have you gotten his views on what is going on here? Maybe he can resolve this matter for the world. It could be in one of his books. I've not had time to go through them all. It seems rather practice based such that one may not get it for years. That is risky given that we have no idea how healthy or unhealthy this practice may be.

A tool

My experience with the two finger retention practice is that it has a place in the journey to living beyond orgasm. In the beginning I tried it and liked it for two reasons. One, the post ejaculation blah and recovery were significantly reduced. Instead of falling all the way to the bottom I felt like I would catch a branch part way down and be back on top in relatively short order. From what I have read, the taoist are firm about keeping the semen in the body. The science of where it goes and how its assimilated and, or eliminated, I cant say. My personal experience concurs with what the Taoists say though about retaining it.

Second, and I think this part is more psychological. When you get near the edge and find yourself going over, if each time you say, "oh well" and let it go then the next time your more likely to say, "oh well" again. Using the two finger technique seemed to cut the "ahh" feeling mid way in process and that had the effect, for me, of keeping my commitment to what I really wanted. Almost like my body and biological programing were on a track of their own and by sticking my foot in the door with my will it helped interupt the habit my body was familiar with. A tool in the retraining process.

I found it a valuable tool but if its continuously used to stop the semen from leaving the body then the real task of moving away from orgasm/ejaculation is not really being worked on. A hammer is a great tool to pound nails but if you keep on pounding after the nail is in then the tool is being abused. Its important to know when the use of a tool is done and its time to lay it down. In this case, its a bit by feel as you dont want to turn the use of this tool into a new habit.

Taoists likely didn't intend

Taoists likely didn't intend this as a means of stopping PMO addiction. The intention seems to be for training the male brain to understand the male body. I'm guessing that there are problems with using this solo in the sense that rewiring isn't quite synced properly to sex. I have noticed that it brings attention to the potential for orgasm much earlier than before I could get this to work. If I'm entertaining this as possibility, it's distracting as I can become quite anticipatory. As a result, there is likely a difference in the amount of dopamine release, although I don't know if it is more or less. I suspect this is part of the retraining aspect. The brain is rewired to notice earlier physiological happenings. Once I know where the limits are, I know when to slow down, use recirculating tools, etc. One still has to master those tools. I also imagine there is a psychological aspect to this security blanket in the sense of allowing one to push the envelope toward the limits.

The impression I get from

The impression I get from this is that Karezza has little but mostly no thrusting, just initial penetration and the "throbbing" of erections as they may come or go. Is this correct? Is the idea really to connect via your genitals but not necessarily pleasure each other directly through them, and really "slide" slowly, if at all, instead of thrusting?

I remember suggesting Karezza to my girlfriend, and getting the most puzzled look. To her credit we tried it, but it didn't stay very Karezza-like for long. Turns out according to this we weren't even practicing it, just having slow conventional sex without orgasm. After I think an hour or so we decided to drop it because, if orgasm wasn't the point, the feeling was, well, boredom! I haven't tried to suggest it to her since. I can absolutely understand the benefits, but I find it hard to imagine sex, as I've come to enjoy it, being reduced to simply penetrating and then barely moving. I'm not knocking the practice at all, just personally finding it to be a rather difficult paradigm shift. Certain positions (ahem) which we find enjoyable pretty much have no place in Karezza it seems, especially if you remove thrusting. I just can't imagine just putting my penis inside her, relaxing and simply being intimate, barely moving. It sounds wonderful, it does, but when it comes to those moments where you just want to tear into each other, backing off and saying whoa, hey, easy now, let's do this the Karezza way seems absolutely bizarre.

Out of interest, why omit oral sex? Maybe it isn't apart of Karezza, but surely pair-bonding, if it doesn't lead to orgasm?

Stillness and Thrusting

You know, I think hot sex is something just about everyone likes, trouble is, it doesn't like us. Young girls like to feel passion, no doubt, so do old ladies, but the trouble is, bodies can't keep up with what the mind takes hold of. I mean, if it was up to the body, it would go for comfort, stillness, expansion, but unfortunatly, it is the mind that can't settle into calmness very easily. It's like my neighbors mare, she's over there at the fence shaking her back end, she wants something she can't get to. But once she gets it, it's off to something else. I understand that lying there, holding your penis inside a woman seems somewhat boring, on the surface it is. It makes the mind confront the present moment, being with what is instead of projecting off into some future thrill. But when the mind learns to settle, it moves out of the realm of the personal, into the sea of totality. For me, that's where the greatest joy is. I think when my body gets to the point, one day, where it can't go on any longer, the memories I will treasure are those long, still and expanded moments of floating silently with my woman, our bodies connected, looking into each others' eyes...

Door stop

I must admit people's online names often fascinate me. Door stop??

One of the interesting things around Karezza are the idea's about what Karezza is and is not. The Karezza umbrella is pretty broad. I think plenty of what you were doing is Karezza. Personally I dont just penetrate my wife and then cuddle. We definitely move, not like a pile driver, but movement is absolutely part of our Karezza practice. We let the energy of the moment dictate the movement. By that I mean, we follow the pleasure, what we are drawn to.

The reason I choose karezza style love making is because ITS SO PLEASUREABLE. There's no moral approach here, its simply way more enjoyable than conventional sex, at least for us. If it wasnt, I woundnt do it, period. We arrived at love making karezza style by feel, we were drawn in that direction. We had no instruction or any idea there was such a name as "Karezza" for what we were doing, in fact we thought we were the only people doing it. Who would ever, in their right mind, have both the man and woman forgo orgasm?? We figured no one else could be as nuts as us. I stumbled upon this web site, discovered other people were doing this, and that there was a name for it. I say all this to explain that we were just following our joy not trying to take the high road sexually.

You say, "Is the idea really to connect via the genitals but not necessarily pleasure each other through them" My experience is, its both. We connect AND pleasure each other via the genitals. I have no interest in forgoing the pleasure my genitals offer me and my partner. As far as thrusting goes, a lot of friction is a desensitizer. When you go slow the genitals come alive with sensation. Slow movement is so alive with feeling. What I will say, is that it takes a bit of time to wake up the genitals from their usual mode of operation. Its a movement from stimulation to sensation. From my experience stimulation is a lot in the mind where sensation is all in the body. We may go to stillness when were done and I stay in her, but my wife has no intest in a flacid penis. She wants it fully erect. No complaints from me.

I would classify karezza as intercourse without orgasm and without vigorous movement. Theres a lot of room under this definition to engage in ways that pleasure you both. Sometimes thought it takes being a bit quite to pick up on the sublte sexual energies. Once you do they become far from "subtle" Divinely delicious comes to mind.

There is one more piece, and that is karezza creates this deep bond with your partner. A lot of the friction that commonly takes place in relationships melts away into a sweet pleasant harmony. A pretty nice side benefit in my book, wouldnt you say?

If you and your partner enjoy more thrusting sex as you say try slowing it down by incruments. Rather than going from action sex to laying there without movement, just reduce the movement slowly and start tuning into to the subtle sexual energies that lie beneath the surface of conventional sex. Your genitals have a language of there own if you listen carefully.

**TRIGER WARNING*Allow her to offer you a genital/penis massage

Wow... I charge $150 for this service (of course, no happy endings!), but trading that for dinner? WOW.
I would like to suggest asking the lady what she wants in return. Sexual or non-sexual. Trading genital massages might be enjoyable and connecting. I remember snuggling with the Mister in the bathtub, and getting a full body massage which led to a genital massage.

In case anyone is not sure what to do for a genital massage, I did a video for Passionate University showing what to do, where to massage, stroke patterns, rhythms and more. There are a lot more videos on female genital massage, and I did another on prostate massage (again, no happy endings!).

Here is my affiliate link:
http://refer.ccbill.com/cgi-bin/clicks.cgi?CA=942299-0000&PA=2308129&HTM...

I hope you find it educational and fun!!

Thanks

Great article Kevin. My partner read it and it was very validating for what we are doing. We are slowly moving toward his really embracing Karezza and even enjoying it. It is such a pleasure to be using our sexual relationship to connect with each other and the universe. He is on a business trip for three weeks and we are doing our version of bonding over the phone. It really help[s me to feel connected. Thanks for all of your help. Someone sent me a short utube film which is about non-orgasmic sex by a very articulate young man. Let me know if you want me to forward it to you and how.
Andrea

Thank you

Thanks for the wonderful article KevinJ. I have found performing the genital massages (testicles only, no shaft) on myself to be very helpful in relieving sexual tension and avoiding the urge to masturbate.

Oxytocin

Hi all,
It is said above that gentle penis massage releases oxytocin in the brain. I want to know how it happens in the body and also i would like to know how women can give gentle massage i.e. steps in using her hand to give massage.

trying

i wish i had some help...i let any girl i'm with know i'm into this...they sometimes leave, but, mostly enjoy it ...some take advantage and make me lovingly entertain them!!!

Hmmm.

I just don't see the point in sex without orgasm, I guess because I've had an orgasm every time I've had sex. This Karezza stuff just seems really boring and uneventful.

To me, it would seem that starting out slow and sensual with the Karezza approach and then going a bit (but not hardcore) faster until orgasm is reached would be a lot better than just not having orgasms at all, or very rarely. That way you're both comfortable and bonding at first, then you finish with an orgasm and everybody wins. :]

That's just my opinion, though.

That would be

most people's opinions who haven't tried it. wink And the truth is, for best effects you have to allow your brain to return to greater sensitivity. So at first it might indeed be less than satisfying. It's kind of a moving target. Keep an open mind. Did you read this guy's experience? He followed your model...kind of. http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/intriqued

here's why I don't have orgasms these days

it is SO much better to not have them. And to have these incredibly deep and fulfilling feelings all the time, 24 X 7. And to have a lot more sex than ever before, and have the sex be so much deeper and more pleasurable.

Why do I want to give that up for sake of a 15 second orgasm? I don't.

But women can have WAY more than 15 second orgasm

The typical male orgasm is about 5-6 seconds so 15 seconds is a VERY long male orgasm.

But women have way more than 15 seconds - even 15 minutes of riding high desire and plateau, then crash orgasms washing over her body, refreshing her.

Karezza doesn't really speak to women. How am I to do it with my partner when she is revitalized and energized by the long waves of orgasmic pleasures that go through her body and mind? I am in awe.

Karezza, in short, seems to be the male's way of dealing with the female's superiority. But I don't know why a woman would find it appealing. It would lower her to a base male point. That would be sad.

Comments? Because my two long-term partners have both been that kind of woman. And my women friends say they are the same way too. "You should try it" (the refreshing WAVES of orgasms rejuvenating them over and over). And then say

"Oh yeah, you can't! Go try that karezza stuff and let us have the fun." They mock in jest.

*sigh*

You're welcome to your point of view, but please don't state it as a universal fact. Unless your partners try the alternative, which they haven't, they simply don't realize the effects of orgasm. As "refreshing" as orgasm is in the short-term, it can create ripples for some women in the the longer term.

Ever read Deida? You know his descriptions of how bitchy women are, and how that's just normal "testing?" Well, I'm here to say that it's not normal, at least in the sense of "inevitable." Some of it is the product of overstimulation of the brain, which creates subtle neurochemical shifts that also shift perception of partners. Have you read anything I linked to?  Orgasm's Hidden Cycle | Reuniting

something missing

In this description there is no mention of ear kissing, neck licking or biting, shoulder kissing, arse biting or nipple sucking, it's all about the frigging penis. Now I don't care about whether or not there's an ejaculation or not in this type of sex but for the love of god a man is more than a penis. And no way is any woman(or man) going to be allowed to touch my penis before they have spent a least 30 mins warming me up with the aforementioned activities.

Also this post as so many others equates ejaculation with orgasm! Wrong wrong wrong!! But not all together surprising when it doesn't include all the foreplay necessary to achieve orgasm

Why are you here?

Just curious. Smile If it's to learn anything, then maybe you should start with this article: Orgasm's Hidden Cycle | Reuniting

The distinction between orgasm and ejaculation is given great weight in some eastern sacred sex cultures, but it is based on the theory that all that matters is semen loss (or not). That's actually not the case for some folks. Intense activation of the primitive parts of the brain can also create lasting neurochemical ripples...in women as well as men, even without ejaculation.

If you read that article, and maybe a few others, it may become clearer why "hot" foreplay doesn't work well for everyone. That said, couples are encouraged to find what works for them.