"Flirting" with porn after being away for almost three months

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Submitted by Dano_Clarke on
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Is it normal for people who have quit for a few months to "flirt" with using it again or looking at it? I've caught myself thinking it's ok to look because I haven't been for awhile. I never want to go back to where I was using it on a regular basis. I like the balance I've been able to reach and the self esteem boost I get for not having viewed it.

Curious what others experience has been.

Guided Missile

I went for a year and a half without looking at porn and then one day accidentally came across a hard core site when I mistyped the url for YouTube. K-9 didn't have this particular URL on its "blocked" list. It was like having a guided missile in my hand (I mean the web site, although the description aptly fits my penis as well).

I was completely drawn in and overcome with the old feelings of my prior avid porn addiction. I just could not believe how immediate and powerful the feelings were. Before I could stop myself I was sampling the free videos and was totally pulled in. After several minutes, I realized what was happening and pulled away. It made me realize that I really didn't like having my mental processes hijacked in that manner.

Sometime later I started playing around with soft porn. There was a popular "news" site that always seemed to feature a link to some sexually arousing images like babes in bikinis. I fooled myself for a period of time that these weren't really porn and were ok to sneak a peak at from time-to-time, but it wasn't. It resulted in masturbation and I eventually added the site to the blocked list on K-9 so I would stay away.

I believe these images will always have a powerful pull on me and the temptation to "flirt" with them will probably always be with me as well, but I've trained myself to stay completely away. Otherwise it would be like giving an alcoholic an open beer and saying you can "hold the bottle and fondle it and cradle it in your arms while enjoying the aroma, but don't drink!" Yeah, right!

It's good to know I'm not alone.

Part of it has to do with the fact that I masturbated without porn the other day and then later that same day my little lady got me off.

Then last night we turned each other on and she came and I didn't. Blue balls all day. So I masturbate again without porn and then *still* have blue balls. Oh well at least the porn thing was stopped and I'm recommitted to staying away at any cost.

Yes, it

has a lot to do with all that stimulation the other day. Smile

It's such a hard concept to get, namely, that more stimulation leaves you less satisfied over the days following. One reason it's hard to see is that we all get so "hungry" for the affectionate touch of a mate (or potential mate) that we confuse the good feelings of that contact with the Big Bang when it's part of it.

Of course, if the stimulation is delicious bonding behaviors on a daily basis, then it's great.

Anyway, keep experimenting. You'll see it all clearly. You've already figured out much of the puzzle for yourself. Just try to halt the mini binge for now.

Also

It's amazing to know how easy it is for us to be manipulated into viewing this shit. Even if we dont want to.

Ancient Wiring

It was explained to me once that these are some of the most primitive and oldest pathways in the human brain and therefore some of the most powerful. Makes perfect sense from a biological and evolutionary perspective, but yes, it is amazing and a bit humbling.

I've been having that same

I've been having that same question. I looked at porn for a short episode a few days back. I didn't feel drawn to it all that much. However, I've learned that if I get deeper into it the chance of going to a point of no return is much more possible. So beware my friend. Only you know your own tempatations.

Keep Going!

Since last September, I've been trying to quit porn. I usually manage a week and a half without masturbating to porn after a relapse now. Which isn't bad. But I haven't been able to stop the cycle of relapses yet.

Every time I've relapsed I've convinced myself that "it's ok to look because I haven't been for a while." Like, I convince myself that I'm like someone who only gets drunk once a week with his friends, you know. Which is better than being a constant drunk. But I desperately want to break out of this cycle. And it looks like you have (three months IS a long time), so my advice is that you stop flirting with porn and keep going!

Hi

If we perceive porn as a powerful enemy from whom we keep away, then when we feel stronger we have the tendency to go back and check whether we can face this enemy.

But if the attitude is that it is a weak enemy, one wouldn't be tempted to go face it again, you would not even care, for you know it is not worth it.

In the initial stages being away from porn is through brute force I agree, but in later stages unless we fill the void it has created, with healthy fulfilling sexual relationships(For which Marnia has plenty of support), we can never succeed in the long run.

This stuff really does have

This stuff really does have a strong pull. But remember, we can choose to not look at it. Pull or no pull, its the feeling of having no choice which destroys you. Make a conscious choice NOT to look at it and you will feel much better.

Empowered! A very nice feeling...

It's totally normal

My personal experience is that it is particularly when I am feeling most down -- stressed or depressed -- that the pull of porn or other erotic stimulation is highest.

My personal theory here is that my porn addiction developed as a way of modulating my own brain chemistry in a very chaotic household where I wasn't getting dopamine from anywhere else (i.e. no loving touch from the 'rents). In a way, it might have been adaptive.

Now, as an adult, when I get into a lower emotional state, especially when I'm not getting regular dopamine doses from a loving friend, the desire is to return to the one place I know I can get a dopamine "high" quickly and easily.

It's really incredible, after having not viewed this material for 6 months or so . . . when you go back to it. It is literally a head rush for me.

I think

you nailed it. That's why it's so helpful to learn other ways of coping with stress. The ones that "build muscle" over time seem to be the best in the long run: (exercise, meditation, time in nature, qi gong, etc.). They make impulsive decisions less likely.

However, they're not like a shot of porn...or heroin. Smile And, of course, not likely to suck you into a compulsion.

Anyway, congratulations on your progress. The more you observe, the more clearly you'll see your options.

YouTube/Porn.

A lot of porn sites have names that are VERY close to YouTube. I understand how this mistake could happen. I recommend clearing your private data so YouTube will delete that information. That's what I did.