You know what the problem is with 'never again'? Never is a veeeery long time... A few days ago I set my goal at 100 days of abstinence before the end of the year. And I stick with that. But to make it seem more doable I'm first aiming for 14 days. No PMO until the 31st of March. It's a start, isn't it?
Comments
Small chunks
make lots of sense. That's why AA's motto is "one day at a time."
never again may imply
never (something) again. in a sense it highlights what you DONT want . Is your goal simply PMO until a certain date. i'm assuming not. If your goal is to quit PMO period. I would also ask again is that your ultimate goal - perhaps ? If it is for instance to pursue a life where sex is with a beloved partner (for example) - and maybe it seems like an obvious ultimate goal i don't know - than it's interesting that you didn't mention that only what to ma read as a short term goal. While i appreciate the wisdom of 'one day at a time' it would seem easier to comquer the daily goals if there is a prize in sight.
Also good advice
"It takes a forum to heal an addiction."
Hey Breath,
Hey Breath,
Yes, the goal of no-pmo is part of a bigger plan. It looks something like this:
1) Kick the addiction to porn
2) Get back into shape. With that I mean:
- getting back in shape physically (I used to do a lot of sports but lately I am at least 10kg overweight),
- getting back in shape intellectually (I've had quite a good education and consider myself relatively bright. Yet, I spend so much time behind my computer I haven't read a decent book in years).
- getting back in shape emotionally (I am pretty social but lately I have been isolating myself and pushing away friends and family)
3) Figure out what I want to do with my life + find someone to share it with
This obviously is a simplified version of it, but yeah, it does fit into a bigger plan. The thing is though, it will take quite a while before I get there and I simply don't see any shortcuts to it. There are many things that I will need to change in my life to 'get back into shape' but at the moment the one big bottleneck is this porn-addiction. And I have tried to find my calling in life and a good partner to go through life with but I feel that right now it's not the real me. I'm only half I can be. So I first need to get back 'into shape'...
In my experience its best to focus on short-term goals. However, from time to time, you need to step back and make sure those short-term goals fit into the long-term picture.
It can be good to start flirting
early on. First, it's good practice in not rushing things. And maybe you'll find someone you feel comfortable enough to share with. Her support could help build the intimacy in your relationship. Besides, women are having some of their own problems along this line, as you can see in one of the anecdotes in this post: Boyfriend Quitting Porn? 5 Tips