golf helps

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Submitted by ace8 on
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The more golf I play, the better. Wish I could play at night.

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reading

I've read THE PORN TRAP by Maltz and Maltz, and I'm half-way through BREAKING THE CYCLE by Collins. Both books have been helpful. I also have but haven't started a Buddhist book on addiction.

new technique

I've started writing down how many times I've resisted temptation and walked away from it. Keeping track of days for some reason doesn't motivate me, but this does. Every time I resist, I know I've made a step on the road to recovery. I'm wondering how the pattern will go, when interludes between the episodes of temptation will go from hours to days.

Though I continue to read info and articles on this website and on yourbrainonpoirn, I've realized writing about my addiction doesn't help me much. I kept a private Recovery Journal for over a year. It's 99 pages long. On the first page I described the problem and need for recovery in detail. 99 pages of frustration later I was in much the same place. I think writing about the problem makes me dwell on the problem, and that's counterproductive. Or maybe the journal was a necessary step that's run its course.

Right now writing is a goal--one day to write on this blog that my thoughts are again my own and I'm past this ungodly addiction.

crazy

Going crazy but hanging tough. Up all night fighting the demons but didn't give in.

I'll look for golf books I haven't read. There must a few out there somewhere. Good idea. :)

I'll listen to the Wendy Maltz interview. Thanks.

I have to beat this or lose myself. Up till now I think I've been messing around, kidding myself. At least now I've realized what's at stake here. My life. My identity. Everything I truly am and still hope to be.

All of a sudden I started crying, thinking how generous you are to help porn-addled fools like me. I can feel how genuine you are, that you understand and care. Forgive me for getting emotional, but I had to tell you.

That's sweet

It's fun helping you guys because you are so amazing when you recover. Besides, if I had been a guy, I bet I would have gone for porn, so I have a lot of compassion.

Don't stay up all night. Try the Cold water technique or Sleep suggestions.

Whatever happens, it will get better so hang on.

I think you're right that a lot is at stake. You owe it to yourself to find out what your true potential is.

*big hug*

thanks

Wow--saying if you'd been a guy you would've gone for porn, too, is amazingly honest and compassionate.

I'll try the sleep suggestions. Stayed up two hours last night looking at p, but stopped short of m. Pretty disgusted with myself, but I guess a half-step in right direction.

I'm hoping the no desire flat-line checks in soon. The opposite is going on with me and making it tough, but I want my brain and mind back.

Yes, even at 62 I want to find my true potential. Experienced sexual and emotional abuse as a child, then emotional stuff with parents and family continued in adulthood. Tried to deal with it but didn't really know how. When younger did a lot of self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, promiscuity. Seven years ago plunged into depression, recovered after 2 years of CBT.

I've actually accomplished a lot in my life, but after CBT had new freedom and clarity, reached some new heights till fell into porn trap. Fortunately when I do work at my art, I'm still doing good work. So there's hope.

Luckily, too, I'm afraid I'll wreck my brain if I don't reboot it. That fear is giving me motivation I haven't had before. Also focusing on using CBT, but that focus need to be sharper.

You and Gary deserve sainthood.

Thanks again.