5 Weeks

Submitted by aces on
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5 Weeks into this crazy journey of self-improvement and self-discovery.

My critical issue has revolved around using internet photos and videos (anything from photos and videos of women I know personally to celebrities to hardcore porn) as my primary and preferred sexual outlet. Quite often I would be intimate with a partner and then look forward to running home to my mistress, 'Adell' aka the Dell Computer in my study. I was also visiting escorts and massage parlors frequently as well over the years but I basically eliminated that habit from my life several years ago. It all ties together in my mind. I have been fooling myself for years that I didn't have a real problem with it but now I see the destructive affect it has had on my social life. Despite always being able to maintain relationships with women I have struggled with real intimacy. The struggle is now finally subsiding for me as my awareness of the harm that this behavior causes is coming to light.

5 weeks in now- I no longer masturbate to images and videos on the internet. Period. I haven't done it once. I have continued to masturbate fairly regularly (anywhere from 2x/day to every other day) during this period but never to anything but thoughts and fantasies, just like back in the pre-internet days. I've cut out doing it in front of the television as well. I have also continued having sex with my partner during this period in regular intervals. The sex has been better, the urges have been stronger and my 'arousal' has gradually improved. I use ED drugs as an aid, but not as frequently as before. At this point it feels like more of a safety net but clearly it has a strong effect. I aim to lessen the masturbation and think I will be able to do so but I honestly think that it doesn't impede my progress.

Last week I awoke to crazy morning wood for the first time in memory! What a thrill! I also now enjoy spontaneous hard-on's around women that I find attractive, including my partner! I don't think I have been able to do this for years! Made me happier than a two peckered dog, as they say here in Texas.

Additional benefits include more emotional balance and a clearer mind. Though there have been some difficult fluctuations in my mood during this period (other personal problems that have been magnified by this rebooting process) at this point I sense a deeper level of inner stability is steadily rising to the surface of my consciousness. I should add that I really enjoy outdoor activities such as rock climbing and hiking. The intensity and focus is very helpful as well.

That's it for now. Thanks for reading my blog.

Comments

Approaching Week 6

"One of these days you may be ready to dump the drugs and cut w-a-y back on the solo sex."

Thanks Marnia. I am indeed very much looking forward to that time. I am now almost 6 weeks into this journey and wow has my sexual energy improved! This morning I had a dream that I was having some pretty intense sex with my gf and then when I awoke she was getting dressed in front of me. I grabbed her and threw her back into the bed with me and we both enjoy some pretty intense love making. This was probably the first time I have had that electric charge so to speak to have sex NOW in quite a while. It doesn't hurt that her body is looking unbelievable these days either of course but I did get that renewed sense of sexual drive.

It should be noted that we had sex yesterday as well and I had taken some ED drug the night before but not the usual dosage. As well, I have used ED drugs with this girl for years so I know conclusively that the drugs did not enhance the sexual drive, it just allows for perhaps more intensity. Speaking metaphorically, killing porn is like refueling the gas tank from near empty while the ED drugs are like adding a turbo charge to a perfectly well functioning engine.

Capisce?

So now my aim is to gradually ease off the dose of ED drugs and try and control the jerking off as well although I continue to believe that it is fine in moderation, ie once every other day or so.

Everyone's "moderation" is different

and also depends upon how much the brain has become desensitized...and where it is in recovery.

In other words, there's no set rule that daily (or every other day) masturbation is harmless. For some guys with porn-induced ED, it is not.

Glad you and your sweetie are enjoying your "resurrection." Personally, I'd dump the sexual enhancement drugs as soon as possible. They have potential health risks.

"Personally, I'd dump the

"Personally, I'd dump the sexual enhancement drugs as soon as possible. They have potential health risks."

I've yet to find credible research to back up your comments. Please forward whatever material you've seen. It would be interesting to review it.

really?

[quote=aces]"Personally, I'd dump the sexual enhancement drugs as soon as possible. They have potential health risks." I've yet to find redible research to back up your comments. Please forward whatever material you've seen. It would be interesting to review it.[/quote]

Hey, live your life however you want to. But they definitely have potential health risks, just Google it and see.

http://www.drugs.com/sfx/viagra-side-effects.html

This is "potential health risks", no?

 

Reset

Hello again,

My attempts at kicking this habit have once again failed. But there's always hope! A new personal milestone for me to turn to for inner strength has appeared and here I am, humbled before you dear spirits, seeking your help and loving support.

Please send all your positive energy towards me as I pick myself up again and move forward on the path to full emotional and spiritual recovery.

Aces

Aces,

Aces,

I just wanted to say that your story seems similar to mine, particularly when you said that you are able to maintain real relationships with women but struggle to have real intimacy. I feel the same way. In the past 18 months, I have dated two great girls who were different, and I used Viagra for both of them. The difference in the second one, though, was that I told her from close to the start that I had a problem with ED (didn't mention porn tho) and that I was using drugs to be able to perform. I ended up cutting myself off of Viagra and, after a few failed attempts and a growth spurt of confidence, I was able to conquer ED/PMO. Then after we broke up, I went back to the old habits haha. I've failed and gotten back up so many times now, I can't keep count. I'm still trying though and I feel a renewed strength each and every time.

Anyways, I don't have much to offer in the way of advice because I'm struggling with the same thing, but just knowing someone else is going through something similar to you might be helpful. It helps me.

Best of luck to you, you know how difficult and rewarding this will be.

-BrittleB

I feel your concern in your

I feel your concern in your thoughtful words brit. Clearly porn/mb is harmful but not destructive to us both. There is life beyond the veil!

My daily existence is enormously fulfilling on so many levels already. Hope yours is equally. While this problem persists, other areas are flourishing with renewed vigor and excitement mostly through the appreciation of the precious moments. Try to meditate daily to thus experience the positive flow of this world as I do friend.

Let's together strive to bring even more fullness to our good fortune and slay this nasty beast for good.