Well yes I relapsed. But on the positive side I went over to my lady friend's place earlier today and had great sex twice. My ED seems to be a thing of the past now. Unfortunately after I came back from her place I relapsed. All this week I have been looking at backpage ads for foot fetish sessions. I'm traveling to NYC in a week so I have just been immersed in finding my a cheap trill. Not cheap as far as money goes, but cheap as far as value and moral.
It's 5:00am and I'm just returning home feeling like a champion! My writing might be a little scattered howcome im tired but follow with me.
That is all. See you in a week.
I'm back and with the resolve to beat my pmo addiction once and for all. I just had my last pmo fap at 2:37am after getting home from work. It will be almost two years since I first started this journey. I have had my small successes along the way. Even though I have relapsed many times, I do feel my self a bit different and much better than I was 2 years ago before I even knew I had a problem. Well it is late here, it's 2:53 am or early you can say, and I'm not sure I'm making sense. I need to hit the zzzzzzz.
I'm starting a new job at the end of this week waiting tables. I used to be a waiter about 3 years ago when I was a constant PMO'er. The multitasking, fast pace, attitudes from customers, cashing people out, etc. really got to me back then, not realizing that whacking off in front of my computer screen to 2D girls was making everything much more difficult. It was a vicious cycle of stress from work, PMO to alleviate it, not realizing I was making EVERYTHING worse.
I'm back after reaching my longest streak of 40 days. I relapsed but will take both the good and the bad. The good is that 40 days was a record for me, after trying to beat this monster for a year and a half. The bad you already know...a year and a half!
Going into my third week and I know it's time to really buckle down and watch out for any tricks my brain might play. Usually the third week has been the one i have been falling off on due to over confidence. I am starting to get hints of libido every now and then. My depressive mood is going away.
Well here is to everyone having a productive week!
13 days in and oh boy am I feeling the ups and down. Yesterday I felt good and today I feel down as if I have a feeling something is wrong. There is this lump in my throat that has been with me all day. I went running and I still feel that emotional lump in my throat. This is an addiction. I can see why this PMO reboot is compared to heroin or cocaine addicts going through withdrawals.
5 minutes past midnight and I just completed 9 days of true 100% PMO clean days. Just got home from celebrating a friend's birthday and I must say I was as social as ever. I was cracking jokes and just having a good time and feeling everyone's good vibe. The past couple of days have been very tough. Not as far as PMO temptation but as far as a shitty mood, anxiety, depression from time wasted, and guilt from past mistakes. I used my neuro chemical crash as opportunity to really dig deep, research and examine all my psychological troubles I have been dealing with during the past years.
Today is my first 5 days ever of truly being 100% PMO clean. I'm not allowing myself to use a computer, only my iPhone for email and this site. In the past i never quit in full. I would always edge, look at images, and binge on novelty by wasting time on facebook(which i permanently deleted).
Also I'm well aware of the pattern I have been falling on in the past reboot attempts.