One problem fixed. One big one to go.

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Submitted by activist8421 on
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Well yes I relapsed. But on the positive side I went over to my lady friend's place earlier today and had great sex twice. My ED seems to be a thing of the past now. Unfortunately after I came back from her place I relapsed. All this week I have been looking at backpage ads for foot fetish sessions. I'm traveling to NYC in a week so I have just been immersed in finding my a cheap trill. Not cheap as far as money goes, but cheap as far as value and moral. Ad after ad and call after call gave me huge dopamine burst that I could feel, kind of like a warmth not the good kind going all over my body starting with my head. Next thing I know I'm looking at soft images, and you know where that leads. Relapsed many times in a very short time. I don't feel too shitty at the moment, but who knows how I will feel when I wake up. Made it to 40 days, and now I must get back on and push through. I'm going to contact the girls I made an appointment with to cancel. I need to be free of that. I need to enjoy NYC and not worry about sex and let it happen if it happens.

One thing that contributed to the end of my streak was my weak discipline in all other areas of life. Waking up late. Working half ass. Browsing mindless hours on reddit. In order to beat this I have to fill my time with goals goals goals and more goals. I might just get me a white board and start there.

Comments

sounds like you're on track actually

this is what real recovery looks like! Congratulations on having great sex and recovering. 

My suggestions are:

1. is "if this, then that" -- figure out the times you are likely to relapse, in advance, and decide what to do INSTEAD. Then stick to your plan. This is what actually gets a person out of addictive behaviors.

2. The more bonding behaviors you do, and the longer you have sex without ejaculation, the easier it is to get into balance.