I'm back ( at 0)

Along The Way's picture
Submitted by Along The Way on
Printer-friendly version

I dont know where to start. Its been a couple of months since I last gave an update. Yesterday was a bad day for me. I had a wet dream that morning, and like everytime that's happened i releapsed. Twice after 8 days free. Before that I'd gone like, 30ish days mostly PMOF free. I woke up today with my brain buzzing. I purchased a ticket to a show this morning and I had to ask my brother for the password to K9 to buy it because something was blocked. Basically I turned it off for like 15 minutes and then PMO'd again. I'm angry and frustrated for doing this to myself again. When?...

I have been doing better though, at least better then before. I've been going to the gymn a few times a week for the past couple months and I am getting bigger. People have taken notice and told me, and that's nice but it doesn't matter much when I'm still struggling with this addiction.
I was seeing this girl for about 2 months. She was my first girlfriend and she was really into me but we broke up and few weeks ago because one of her friends died and she needed some time alone. I had told her about my addiction and she took it pretty hard. We didn't sex because, well i couldn't get it up at the time. I still can't but then again i just binged. It's funny, I think that i've missed her at times like i crave porn, except not as bad. I've started talking to her again a bit but I dunno what's gonna happen cause she's going away to college next year (im 20 and she's 18).

I feel a lot better now. I've told a lot of my friends about this but they dont fully comprehend what it means to be addicted or what im going through. I've been thinking about telling my parents for a while now but it's tough.I'm not sure what i'll do.

Stay Strong

Comments

I'm sorry to hear about the break up

It's easier when you have a companion to share the challenge with.

Sounds like you've been doing pretty well...considering. Did you put K-9 back on?

Relapses are not unusual. Just learn from each one and soldier on.

You know about the chaser effect, right? It can be really powerful at first, so it pays to be ready for it. See Do You Need A Chaser After Sex?

I'm really proud of you for talking with your gf about the problem. Little does she know how many guys are struggling with the same issue. It could be good to talk with your parents. Here are the comments of guys who did:

How do I talk to my parents about this?

*big hug*