Week 3. Lots of Details. Lots of Issues. Discussion Appreciated.

Submitted by aloosh13 on
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Hey guys. First time to post on here. I'm a 17 year old guy. Now, if you're one of those people who like to straight to the problem, jump to the last paragraph. If you want to read the details, keep going. I used to watch porn ever since the age of 12 and I started masturbating to it at the age of 14. I've done it for the past 3 years with an average of once a day, every day. I got with my first girl 2 months ago, and I noticed that i hardly get hard when I'm with her. Tbh, I was shocked. All my friends told me how easy it is to get erections when they're with their girls and I was really worried. At first I thought it was the girl's problem, but when my friends saw her, they all said something is wrong with me.

I started searching the internet for answers and didn't find a lot of info. I decided to stop P and M for a few days to see what's going on. This was exactly 21 days ago. During my abstinence period, I found out yourbrainonporn.com and then I found out this website. it's been really helpful so far.

I hope I have the strength to fully recover and be normal again. I remember back when i was 13 and used to get turned on just by the thought of girls.

Now, my big problem is my girlfriend. She wants to meet me nearly every day. My erection problems are making me refuse and give her some BS excuse. I don't want to meet her and have no erection like every time. especially since she started noticing and asked me about it. I told her that i was just stressed out and next time would be better. She wants to see me tonight, but I think I'm on flat line stage. I don't feel like doing anything sexual and I don't want to disappoint her. My morning erections stopped and I no longer get spontaneous erections. Honestly, I'm starting to worry even though I know this is a good sign of progress. What should I do about my girlfriend? Go there and make out and refuse anything sexual? or Not go at all? or go and try to go sexual and risk looking like sh#&? I'm honestly confused.


Level with her


I'm only starting to see the light, but the best advice I could give you would be to level with her. Maybe you don't have to go into too many details about the porn, but explain your anxiety about performance etc. If she's a decent sort, she'll understand and want to help you. In my opinion the porn induced ED is just as much about anxiety/ pressure as it is desensitisation. Porn creates unrealistic expectations on how you 'should perform'.

The most amazing thing happened to me. I went back to zero with my mrs. Naked cuddling, slowly building, no pressure and I've felt the horniest I have in many years. Have fun and you can be in control - You decide how far it goes. Just pleasure her if you want. I know it sounds tough to do, but don't focus on your reaction down there, focus on the enjoyment, the sensation, the fun part of kissing, stroking. You may not get on track right away, but the more you relax, the more you'll find the little fellah works for you.

Aha. But whenever she puts

Aha. But whenever she puts her hand down there and I see the disappointment i just feel like sh%t. I can't say i was watching porn because i have a feeling she'll think that im gross or something. Im hoping in 2 weeks time things get better I dont know. I'm just worried about her getting bored of me staying on the make out stage. God i should've stopped when i had the chance earlier. Sorry about PMSing I just feel a bit bad

explain to her what's going on

much better that way. Just be completely honest. What's wrong with that? Girls know guys watch porn. They don't know that today's high speed porn can become an addiction trap.

She'll either be oool or she won't. If she's cool you two can do a lot of naked cuddling and non-performance driven sex and you can recover a lot faster than if you are single. If she isn't cool with it, she probably isn't right for you anyway. I'll bet she's cool with it though.

I would say avoid all sexual

I would say avoid all sexual situations until you're good to go again. It's a lot of pressure and it sucks when things don't go right (and if you're flatlining, they won't go right). You gotta heal your brain, man. No one is worth you getting this area of life right. If that means you lose the girl, so be it. There will be others.