Everything is going good, super low day, I can feel it already lol.
I'm just going to rub my chest.
I really would like a sweetheart, I just dont see how its possible to just chill with a girl without her developing feelings for you. plus, my list is kinda dry right now. i really need to go out and socialize more but i just have so many transitions. i have to find a new place, i have to work a lot to meet my rent, i got to find a new job asap, etc etc etc. i will catch up eventually, im just getting murked by lifes changes right now.
I had a really good week nonetheless.
Things I've noticed:
pregnant chicks are always super attracted to me everytime i abstain. for some reason, i'm SUPER attracted to them also. two different occasions this has happened to me. in both occasions, it was like we feel in love and even became best friends. yes i know, super weird lol.
im still getting lots of smiles from women
i get opened a lot by chicks
i was at a really huge church in sunday and this girl ACROSS the entire building just locked in on me. she kept staring at me. then it happened about four more times with four different girls. they just kept looking at me. i wouldve approached them after but i was approached by two chicks right after church ended. back to back. unfortunately, i wasn't attracted to the first one at all and the second one was an older woman (she was cute but noo thanks). im going to have to go to a young adults meeting to find some chicks. im prowling for a wifey lol.
i went through this brief period where all of my relationships felt sexual. not horny sexual but the interactions just had this intense sexual vibe. like interactions with my mom, some homeboys, my boss, my church moms, etc etc etc. i was really weird and it made me really shy for about 3-4 days. i think it was a wave or something that just had to be cleansed out of my system because it was really weird. i felt like everyone was trying to get with me or there was just some underlying sexual tones. really super weird. i just chalk it up to the fact that my brain is truly recalibrating.
my last reboot, i had sex at day 32. this time around on day 31, i just so happened to have leakage/wet dream when i woke up at. it was very pleasurable but it wasnt a normal O. in the dream, i felt love for the person and the whole day when i woke up, i was in love. reeaaalllyyyy weird. i had butterflies in my chest the whole day for the girl i made love to. i did experience a chaser a day or two afterwards. but im glad that it happened. it revealed a lot of tension for me. the next day i was lot nicer to people, smiled more, people were lot friendlier with me, i guess my body knew it was time!
ive seen a couple peaks of my real libido. its interesting to note that we are not supposed to be horny 24/7. looking back, the only reason i was horny when i PMO'd was when i was anticipating getting home to watch a video or thinking about a hot scene that i watched first thing in the morning or how bad i wanted to have sex with the girl that just passed me. i actually enjoy not having raging hormones.
i feel like if the right girl came around, we would fall in love very easy. i would be very gentle but very firm, and very loving. i have a lot of energy that just wants to be expressed right now. ive been doing pushups every morning when i wake up but i just i really should a least find a girl to talk to on the phone. i just really dont want to catch feelings for anyone and vice versa. the only girl "homegirl" i have is on a vacation
the one or two hot chicks at my work that i was flirting with quit, the only woman socializing ive had is with my mom
this is not a woe is me post. just a venting. i feel a lot better now lol. in conclusion, i feel more whole, i feel really good, REALLY STABLE, and a lot more manlier. i just feel good. just got work out the minor kinks and keep it going!
in the past 42 days-one wet dream leak (no orgasm though, just woke up with wet boxers) and the next days afterwards, i kept peeing sperm. THIS IS THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER GONE WITHOUT ORGASM IN MY LIFE. wheeewww. i can do this!
90 days here i come!