Are We All Divine Beings?

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This comment of Rachel's (from a previous blog entry) has stayed on my mind. It's quite the koan for me. Thanks Rachel for giving it to me.

[quote=Rachel]
If you can stay aware of the beautiful being or self inside you and also look through other people's "forms" in your daily life and try to feel their beautiful being inside (whether they are showing it or not), I think it will make you feel less separate from others and will also allow an attracting light to shine out of you. And then, that one-ness with others might lead to finding a partner because you are no longer in your head.
[/quote]

I have trouble being aware of the beautiful being in me when my body hurts. My mind oscillates between utter despair and intense rage. Doing my self-healing practices (Reiki, Quantum Touch) helps alot. It's like I'm taking the place of the mother who isn't/wasn't there and giving the newborn me the loving energy he needs. When it works and the pain dissipates, I start to get the impression that I can be the loving mother I need. It's a relief.

Other people are more challenging. I think deep down I've seen people as murderers either by commission or omission. It fits with my youth. I grew up with the shadow of death very close to me. My mother's life was profoundly affected by major deaths in her family when I was very very young. Our family structure and culture didn't really give me a chance to get upset at her or look for the basic support I needed elsewhere. My father's career as a senior NATO military officer in the 1970's placed him as part of the people who were ready to destroy all life on earth many times over to play a political game. Since he was such a fine man and his career highly celebrated, it's been hard for me to come to terms with the reality of it. There's a twistedness to the psycho-emotional aspects of it and a coldness in the lack of touch. Recently, as I've been experiencing the difficulties related to the social aspects of healing myself, I've seen how little my life seems to matter to most people. I've been working on finding a sleeping partner (recommended to me by three credible sources over the years) for 8 years now. I've only had one very brief (3 nights) taste of it in that time. It certainly isn't for lack of trying. Getting over my resentment has been a big job as I flounder around with other less effective approaches to healing.

In these last few days, as I'm pulling into myself more strongly and responding to pain by giving my body the healing touch it needs by myself, I'm starting to see how attached I've been to the needy infant in me. It's quite immature, but hey, what to do?... I'm human too! As I take on the responsibility to touch myself and run loving energy into the parts of me that hurt, I feel like I'm becoming a mother to myself and taking over where my mother left off. I'm even starting to feel a little grateful that people have pushed me to this point. I'm also seeing more strongly the place of peace within myself and seeking less strongly for it outside myself. If I can avoid a major flare-up of illness, it could set the foundation for a much healthier way of being at a very deep level. I'm getting glimpses of people as helpers in my efforts to be stronger, more mature, and more conscious in spite of their apparent indifference to my suffering. I guess my expectation that "of course people would be interested in helping me heal by sleeping with me as a partner in healing" was quite unrealistic.

Thanks for your help in this phase of my journey! Smile

Comments

Arnold

Arnold, I now see everyone as a divine being that is in a different stage of becoming enlightened~~but that basic beauty is inside every one of us, however deeply hidden. I think the more we let go of thoughts from the past (and fears of the future) and just enjoy this moment we have, the less pain we feel in our bodies.

Our minds do so much harm to us! When we dwell on things from the past we are clinging to pain (if you read any Eckhart Tolle, whom I love, he talks about how each of us has a "pain body" and learning to let go of that is one of the greatest things we can do).

Your mind makes up stories about who you are and that is difficult for the ego to let go of because it's the identity you have given yourself and without it you feel like you are no one~~but what has happened to you in the past is not who you are. What you are is a divine being who is here and now and beautiful and ready to love~~

Thanks

I have read some of Eckhart Tolle's work. It's been a while. I remember his interest in the "Pain body". I'll look into some of the books of his that I have when I've finished "Return to Love" (by Marianne Williamson, the book I'm currently exploring).

I certainly do understand that I am not my future or past. (I often find ways to avoid the present but that's another story). I also am clear that my interest in Love (and Consciousness) is strong. I don't feel like I'm attached to pain. I think I'm more attached to avoiding it in any way I can. I guess the ultimate result is the same. The divine being part is more difficult for me to embrace. There's too much pain and isolation in my life to see that clearly. Letting go of my expectations (and it's associated anger) and seeking Inner Peace and healing is about all I know how to do. I do experience Peace at the core of who I am. I associate that with relief more than beauty.

What do mean when you say "Divine Being"? I experience myself mostly as the witness.

Thanks for your support. I appreciate it a great deal.

Divine being

I don't believe in God as an "other," I believe what many call God is inside every living thing and when you are with someone, try feeling their presence, really feeling it and knowing that no matter what comes out of their mouth or what form they take in their appearance, that goodness is still inside them. It's similar to the feeling you get when you are looking at a sunset and you forget to think and you just feel oneness with the universe. Try doing that with people~~

I hope you get a chance to reread some of Eckhart's books because so much of what you are saying he addresses and I think you will really understand better what I'm trying to say (he says it so much better!).

(and I have to thank Kevin and Donna from this forum for getting me started with his books!)

God

I struggle with the word "God". It has very strong connections in my mind to some judgmental old guy in the clouds dishing out fear and vengeance. I can't seem to shake that connection.

As I've been reading "Return to Love" and pondering how asking "God" for help might work for me, I've settled on the Love I've experienced while sitting with Osho, or Mother Meera. This has no form and I've experienced it directly. I can imagine that that same Love is possible to experience with other people and within myself in less obvious forms. That's the most important thing for me anyways. Thanks for your ideas of experimenting with other people.

I will get out my Eckhart Tolle books fairly soon. Thanks for the idea.

You're welcome

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home~~

~Rumi

(another person I love to read!)

That is how I think of God~~not as a form, but as a light in my heart.