I've been pondering a number of things recently. Most are related to the balance between masculine and feminine energies in my life and in our culture. A woman friend surprised me recently claiming that women needed to reclaim their femininity. I guess I've been somewhat blind to the aggression in women. It's becoming clearer to me as I see the shortcomings of the mothering of my childhood and the way my body and moods react (very strongly) to women who compete for attention by playing the victim or the seductress in my presence.
I also see this dynamic in what I'm learning about the Cortisol/Oxytocin cycles in ourselves. It seems to me that the function of Cortisol is a rough approximation of masculine energy. It helps with fight or flight responses. Oxytocin, with its propensity to promote bonding and healing, is clearly feminine. With my Cortisol levels exhausted due to long term and deeply rooted stressors perhaps finding ways to promote the production of Oxytocin would help my adrenals (the source of Cortisol in the body) rest and recover. I'm looking into ways to do this on my own and with the support of other people in safe environments (my sensitivity to sexual politics has its challenges). It's interesting to me that the medical approach to dealing with illnesses like mine is to artificially boost Cortisol levels masking the problem and hiding the roots. I guess when you are obsessed with aggression, it's all you see. A more balanced approach might be less obsessed with either direction and more interested in finding exactly the right place on the masculine-feminine spectrum given the conditions and needs of the moment.
I'm working to befriend and protect the feminine in me. I seem to need it.