Harmony between Right and Left.

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Submitted by Arnold on
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Hi y'all,

I've come across an intriguing approach to self-healing which seems to be remarkably powerful yet just as remarkably simple. I see connections between bringing harmony to the inner aspects of male/female relations and the techniques that Lucia Capacchione uses for self-healing (see: http://www.luciac.com/index.php/articles/123-creative-journaling).

I've found her technique of writing and dialoguing with both hands quite powerful. I'm exploring her approach in more detail these days having just finished going through her book: "The Power of the Other Hand".





Hi Marnia,

Thanks for your interest in my healing process.

There have been a couple of major breakthroughs recently. Both involved key women in my life. I think that in my youth I was leaned on hard by the women in my life and the hook for me was looking for Love through them. This would seem pretty normal to me for new-borns. The stress, however, for me, was extremely high. I've seen that my mother is not (and likely never was) capable of providing the quality of Love that I've been looking for from birth and have shifted my attention more fully to myself instead. I had another experience of offering a woman some support as a trustee for a financial arrangement that she had with government. I offered it over a year ago when my health seemed better. When it recently turned into a great deal more work (and much more stress for me) than either of us had predicted I found a way to deal with my intense frustration (mostly through Lucia's journaling techniques), blasted through the work, and found a way to prevent it from happening to me in the future. This woman called me a "Hero" at one point. I saw the cost we men pay for that label: We go to war and die for it! We compete with each other for it. We use it to get laid (and cuddled, fed, and nurtured by women) too! I really don't want it anymore. I don't mind helping when I can, but when the stress is seriously impacting my health, it's time to say to the women that they need to find another "hero" to come to their rescue (and die for them) or find a way to rescue themselves!

I'm in a phase of being very alone and I'm enjoying it for the most part! Smile




Hi Marnia,

I get that many men like being heroes. I've seen it repeatedly to the point of ridiculousness. I've done it in quite subtle and not so subtle ways myself. I've been more like a "Sensitive New Age Guy" kind of hero than a Schwartznegger "Beat the daylights out of the bad guy" kind of hero. But both are heroes. Growing up in the military, I saw alot of the Schwartznegger stuff. I didn't like it. That was my father's world. More recently, I've occupied it quite a bit.

The problem with the hero routine is when it's imposed (or perhaps self-imposed) on a very young child who has no way of understanding the ramifications of what he's doing. Trying to impress an adult woman who is supposed to be the nurturer (i.e. his mother) because he thinks his life depends on it is an extremely high stress endeavour. It's particularly stressful when he's competing with elements of her life that are completely unknown to him and affect her strongly. It sets a kid up for major problems later on. I'm currently doing whatever I can to extract myself from that stress. The effects on my body are intense and disastrous.

Freedom, in my understanding, involves being willing to accept whatever role Life brings to us. If a man is stuck in the "Hero" role (as many men are) and a woman is stuck in the "Beauty to be Saved" role, the side that needs a break and a rest doesn't get honoured in the man. The side that is strong and competent gets buried in the woman too. These, in my observation, are very typical gender roles.

I'm just tired of playing a role that in theory is supposed to get me some nurturing when that isn't happening at all. The label "Hero" is a cheap sticker for my ego when what I need is support for my body. So I'm focussing on nurturing my body on my own and letting the women find their "heroes" elsewhere. Perhaps, at some point, I'll find some guys who are into helping each other nurture themselves. I pursue the opportunities I find.

I'd like find people who can occupy both sides of the Hero(ine)-Person to be Saved spectrum, because I want to occupy the full spectrum too!. The normal Hero-Beauty to be saved routine is connected, quite strongly in my experience, to sexual politics. Most heroes want to get laid!

Thanks for writing.