The New Year

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Submitted by Arnold on
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As I've been working on healing my body without the prop of the most toxic of the medications that I've had to take in the past, a number of insights around the source of my illness have come to mind.

One of them has bothered me quite a bit in the past. I seem to be very sensitive to the way sexual politics plays itself out in most social gatherings. When I run into a trigger, the effect on my energy and body can be intense. Part of the challenge is that it often takes a day or two to fully surface to my awareness. Another part of the challenge is that open communication about the way we unconsciously communicate at this level is basically zero and not welcome. A third part is that in the vast majority of social settings I attend (including gatherings related to healing), the "battle of the sexes" is seen as normal and unchangeable. The anger in many women and the fear in most men is intense and generally unexpressed. There is only one small gathering that I attend that has an objective related to bringing peace at this level. It's a precious exception to the rule.

So I've decided that in the absence of a clear objective related to healing the spiritual, emotional, physical and psychological aspects of sexual health, I'm just going to stay away from most social gatherings. The stress is too great and I'm not strong enough to negotiate the war zone. I still have to take care of survival needs (like work or shopping for food), but otherwise I think the break from most people will do me good. I think it will be good for me to explain why I'm shying away too. The need for change in my life is clear.

It's going to be an interesting year.

Sincerely,

Arnold

Comments

Social gatherings provide a counterbalance

For me social gatherings provide a counterbalance that helps keep me stable while rebalancing. I know what you mean though, most people wear a mask and will try to keep themselves protected while out in public. I find this tends to drop away once you start talking one on one, or get to know them after a period of time.

Hope you can find some meaningful relationships and wish you all the best for the new year!

Thanks!

Thanks Dontgiveup!,

I hope so too. I do have one friend who is at least open to the concept of the direction I'm headed. I've tried everything I can think of to connect with people more broadly. Even a low key gathering with some old friends triggered me rather powerfully recently. When I'm strong enough, I might try simply hanging out in a cafe, but relaxing at home seems to be good for me right now. I put on CDs of bird song and it helps me feel at ease.

Thanks for your wishes.

Sincerely,

Arnold

Nightshades

Hi Marnia,

My diet is extremely restricted right now and has been since July. I can't remember when I last ate a member of the nightshade family. Many months ago anyways.

Anemia seems to be my main challenge right now. I'm slowly getting a handle on it with some new supplements I've found (Ferrous Gluconate (the standard) wreaks severe havoc on my digestion).

I'm getting a very strong sense of the subtlety and power of what I'm healing within myself. I don't actually feel all that bad. I'm enjoying my aloneness. It's a bit of a relief to realize the importance of sexual health in all its dimensions in my life and to honour that reality. Trying to fit in to a cultural context that has no idea what I'm talking about is extraordinarily stressful to me. It's very much like sitting in a war zone and hoping that I won't get hit by stray bombs. It's really unrealistic. I need, at the very least, people who are talking my language (like the people on this site). Around here, they are very few and far between.

Thanks for the thought!

Sincerely,

Arnold.

Mother

Hi Marnia,

Yep. She lives not far away and helps with chores that I'm not able to do. She is as supportive as she can be and that clearly has its limits.

I sometimes feel like I'm going through exactly the situation I was in when I was born: a high stress social climate and very limited support. Trying to get the outer situation to change seems totally fruitless. Going inside myself to find what I need seems to have more potential. So that's what I'm doing.

Thanks for your concern.

Sincerely,

"Arnold"