A Patient, Concentrated Attempt to End an Unhealthy Masturbation Habit

Submitted by gsa23 on
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So, as it is on this site, it seems as if we've heard it all. It is the numerous posts on trying to "kick the habit," extensive scientific evidences on why "acting out" depletes the brain of neurotransmitters vital to our well-being and anguishes the mind with unwanted yet inevitable feelings of sluggish complacency, low self-esteem and gnawing despair. It is the potential remedies that have been lovingly published by those who are successful and the positive brain-states that have been achieved by those who implement these techniques, yet many keep on keepin' on: we can't seem to stop. We keep on giving in to our seemingly unending, insurmountable desires to feel that "this-is-all-I-care-about," "this-is-me" feeling that happens when we get off. It's masturbation that I'm speaking of and yes, even as you are reading this, it seems as if you can't stop or won't stop. When it comes down to it, you really just don't care. It's not that you don't want change or that you somehow think that you aren't plagued by an addiction to masturbation; you do recognize both of these things (or at least you should if you've had some exposure to this site). It's just that it feels to good to stop. Desire trumps rationale. Why? We're just wired that way. It's how it is.

In any event, this has been my understanding about masturbation (and about the insight, healing, and transformative life-changes that happen when the habit is subsided for at least a bit of time, say, even a week or so). I write about these things and know them to be more-or-less true not because I claim to have some groundbreaking technique, or some curative and crafty way of talking about them that could lead to mental stability and, for some, homeostatic normality. It's because I am one of them. I'm writing to stop myself and, from this, help others stop as well. I'm writing to put an end to this madness. To keep myself accountable to my actions and to, essentially, get myself out there. I'm 22 now, and a student, and have been consumed by porn (largely in high-school), a masturbation addiction, and an overwhelming existential crisis that had me realizing that all this stuff was connected with not only my ability to perform or to "spit game" (which I'm largely hesitant about now as I realize I'm a guy who likes to drop his dopamine a lot more frequently and intensely than most others), but, consequently, how my mind perceives the world. Sexuality and the desire to act upon it is something humans hold in arguably the highest regard. And when we make drastic changes in our habits surrounding it, everything begins to change. It just takes a little bit of encouragement and a proper understanding of the ways in which masturbation addiction works and the many reasons about why it's unhealthy (hello reuniting.info!), a turning away from becoming ignorantly infatuated by that next hot-ass pornstar that you think you love, and getting some exercise (releasing some endorphins in a healthy way). These are just a few that I've found work for me. You should experiment with them if you haven't.

Thus, as I am writing this, I'm at home during my last winter break of college. I've got one more semester and want to make the most of it and, I feel, since I've already mentioned it's ability to have such an impact upon other areas, my functioning will have a direct correlation with how I am doing with masturbation. I've read. I've experienced addiction, knew that I was experiencing it, and still turned to being okay with it and doing it. I've talked to others about it. I've begun my own spiritual journey with battling this. I know what is wrong but, like most guys, just find a way to justify my impure actions. And so, I'm turning to Reuniting so that I can receive help, talk about what I've gone through and will be going through in addition to give to others that need help and are experiencing the same things that I am. This is my attempt to stop. This commences a journey to quit. I feel as if I can write to the end of the world about my desire to cease the habit, however I know that it takes more than writing. The problem is bigger than me and the answer is bigger than myself as well. I would appreciate informative, empathetic, and constructive encouragement from anyone who is willing to give. At this point, I'm sick of it. Please join me in an effort to rid myself of this gross thing that day in and day out weighs upon my very being and keeps on robbing me from my true potential. This concludes my first post. This is Day 1.


Good luck with your mission

You know about these two forums, right?



You're right that sex is tough to change. Therefore it might be useful to reframe things a bit. Masturbating to porn is not sex. Sex is different, even as a neurochemical matter. Your ancestors would have found the first really weird (until they got the hang of it Wink ).

I guess what I'm saying is, please don't give up sex. Just find a way to get more connection in your life. You're a tribal pair bonder (all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding). Respect that. It should make your task easier if you socialize as much as possible. Exercise and time in nature are good too.

Keep us posted.

Really appreciate this advice

Really appreciate this advice and encouragement. I've got a very healthy social life, but I'll go ahead and say it: I've never had sex (at least intercourse). In deeper discussion (particularly in spiritual contexts), people are really taken back by this. It's like I've had the opportunity, something has just held me back. Like waiting for the right one. However, this tends to always end up with having my values playing a game against my young and vibrant neurochemistry. It's as if I l know what I want. Yet my body is saying go, go, go.

Makes perfect sense

And many young guys without partners choose to come up with some kind of a compromise. The mysterious thing is that after a long timeout (2-4(?) months, your libido actually changes, so you don't feel insatiable all the time...just ready. Wink This is what the mainstream doesn't realize.

We all think orgasm will make us less horny, but (especially) orgasms without a partner are more like...Fritos. They just make you want more--without offering much lasting satisfaction. Whereas your ancestors would have had to quit, you can always click to something hotter because of highspeed Internet. So now, it's possible for you to overtax the reward circuitry of your brain, throwing you into an addictive cycle. This is very common today...and reversible.

If you watch Gary's 6-part series, you'll understand more: http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

In other words, finding the right balance should lead to more satisfaction (even if it involves fewer orgasms). You can't find your balance until your brain has returned to its normal sensitivity, so there's an awkward "withdrawal" period in there. *gulp*

Here are some self-reports you might find interesting:



TEENS (These are just histories - guys describing their porn use in their teens into adulthood usually)

Keep us posted.

The knowledge that quitting is possible . . .

The knowledge that quitting is possible has made all the difference. In this regard, learning about Karezza has been highly instructive to me. Realizing that there are sexually fulfilled people that choose not to have orgasms, that really changed my perspective on things. If real live people, with flesh and blood mates, can enjoy sex without orgasm then I can live without orgasm. I'm about three weeks into a reboot and feel less sexual frustration than I ever have since my first orgasm at age 14. I'm no longer holding out until I can find a willing partner to relieve my prostate. Instead I'm concentrating on the positive and not worrying about my next orgasm.

I have little doubt in my life that I will have a mate in the future. It's the most natural thing in the world and happens to people every day. Just think of it, as I write this on a Friday afternoon there are any number of people out there that met someone new today and will go on to forge a lasting relationship with that someone. Someday it will be your turn.

In the meantime take good advantage of your opportunities. The end of college will mean that you are starting a new chapter in life. The years you are experiencing are a great time in life. If you make the best of things you will find that companions seek you out. Do the things that you like in life and the people you meet are likely to share your interests. If you want to meet girls that ski go to a ski resort. Most of the people there will be skiers. It's that way for any activity.

John Lennon once penned the lyric; "Life is what happens while you make other plans". I think that there's a lot to that. Live every day and enjoy it. You will be healthier and happier and this will attract the sort of companionship that makes all of this effort even more worthwhile.

A lot of people give in

A lot of people give in because they are just starting rebooting. For people like us, this is a major lifestyle change, and there will be slipups. My first attempt lasted 3 days, and I remember thinking how hard it was and how good it felt to give in. I then went 2 weeks. Then I went 11 days , and then I went 79 days. It's all about not giving up. A lot of people who relapsed definitely care. I was felt so disappointed in myself when i relapsed. All it takes is a lapse in judgement , but learning this is part of the process. I still get cravings and triggers are all around, but its about learning to manage them. I think thats what you will find out