So, as it is on this site, it seems as if we've heard it all. It is the numerous posts on trying to "kick the habit," extensive scientific evidences on why "acting out" depletes the brain of neurotransmitters vital to our well-being and anguishes the mind with unwanted yet inevitable feelings of sluggish complacency, low self-esteem and gnawing despair. It is the potential remedies that have been lovingly published by those who are successful and the positive brain-states that have been achieved by those who implement these techniques, yet many keep on keepin' on: we can't seem to stop. We keep on giving in to our seemingly unending, insurmountable desires to feel that "this-is-all-I-care-about," "this-is-me" feeling that happens when we get off. It's masturbation that I'm speaking of and yes, even as you are reading this, it seems as if you can't stop or won't stop. When it comes down to it, you really just don't care. It's not that you don't want change or that you somehow think that you aren't plagued by an addiction to masturbation; you do recognize both of these things (or at least you should if you've had some exposure to this site). It's just that it feels to good to stop. Desire trumps rationale. Why? We're just wired that way. It's how it is.
In any event, this has been my understanding about masturbation (and about the insight, healing, and transformative life-changes that happen when the habit is subsided for at least a bit of time, say, even a week or so). I write about these things and know them to be more-or-less true not because I claim to have some groundbreaking technique, or some curative and crafty way of talking about them that could lead to mental stability and, for some, homeostatic normality. It's because I am one of them. I'm writing to stop myself and, from this, help others stop as well. I'm writing to put an end to this madness. To keep myself accountable to my actions and to, essentially, get myself out there. I'm 22 now, and a student, and have been consumed by porn (largely in high-school), a masturbation addiction, and an overwhelming existential crisis that had me realizing that all this stuff was connected with not only my ability to perform or to "spit game" (which I'm largely hesitant about now as I realize I'm a guy who likes to drop his dopamine a lot more frequently and intensely than most others), but, consequently, how my mind perceives the world. Sexuality and the desire to act upon it is something humans hold in arguably the highest regard. And when we make drastic changes in our habits surrounding it, everything begins to change. It just takes a little bit of encouragement and a proper understanding of the ways in which masturbation addiction works and the many reasons about why it's unhealthy (hello reuniting.info!), a turning away from becoming ignorantly infatuated by that next hot-ass pornstar that you think you love, and getting some exercise (releasing some endorphins in a healthy way). These are just a few that I've found work for me. You should experiment with them if you haven't.
Thus, as I am writing this, I'm at home during my last winter break of college. I've got one more semester and want to make the most of it and, I feel, since I've already mentioned it's ability to have such an impact upon other areas, my functioning will have a direct correlation with how I am doing with masturbation. I've read. I've experienced addiction, knew that I was experiencing it, and still turned to being okay with it and doing it. I've talked to others about it. I've begun my own spiritual journey with battling this. I know what is wrong but, like most guys, just find a way to justify my impure actions. And so, I'm turning to Reuniting so that I can receive help, talk about what I've gone through and will be going through in addition to give to others that need help and are experiencing the same things that I am. This is my attempt to stop. This commences a journey to quit. I feel as if I can write to the end of the world about my desire to cease the habit, however I know that it takes more than writing. The problem is bigger than me and the answer is bigger than myself as well. I would appreciate informative, empathetic, and constructive encouragement from anyone who is willing to give. At this point, I'm sick of it. Please join me in an effort to rid myself of this gross thing that day in and day out weighs upon my very being and keeps on robbing me from my true potential. This concludes my first post. This is Day 1.