Well, it's been a month since my last update so it's time to freshen this blog up.
Good news, I'm now over 6 months without porn. Zero. I don't really think about it that much, though every now and then a desire comes up to look. But I've been able to redirect my mind to something else. My libido has been consistently strong.
Though something happened the other night that I was wondering about. My SO was in the kitchen in just her panties, and she looked so great. Beautiful, sexy, everything. So I snapped a photo with my phone without thinking much about it. Would this be considered porn? It didn't really feel like it, but it is an image that is sexually arousing. I hope I didn't just mess my streak up with that photo.
Also relatively good news on masturbation, I've only done it twice in the past two months.
As for Karezza, well, after a promising start, we sorta feel back into our old ways. We haven't done it in awhile. And actually I think I've feeling the effects of too much orgasm. We were talking the other day how we've felt out-of-sync as a couple lately. Just didn't quite have the connection we did before. She felt that something was "off" and to be honest I've felt some sort of block (is the best way I can describe it) in my feelings for her. It's like this anxious feelings in the middle of my chest.
I'm getting those feelings where I don't have much patience, things she does annoy me, I don't enjoy doing nice things for her as much as a used to. Valentine's Day felt like more of a chore. We still love each other very much, we still have great sexual chemistry, we still have a really good time being around each other, but there's just something that doesn't quite feel right.
This all sounds like classic symptoms of too much orgasm and not enough oxytocin to me. So when she comes over tonight I'm going to tell her I'd like to do some Karezza for awhile and see how it goes, and see what it does for us.
I hope all is well with everyone else's journey.
Oh, and I almost forget. Which shows you where it is in my brain these days. But my HOCD is pretty much gone. I'd say 95% gone, there still is a very small spike here and there but I just really don't think about it any more. It doesn't matter to me. I haven't posted on the HOCD forum in awhile, and when I've gone back there I'm just bored. This is really, really good news as my worries about both my sexuality and masculinity were so troubling to me that's what drove me here in the first place.