Here we go...

Submitted by ATL on
Printer-friendly version

Hello,

I've been reading this site for the past week and thought I would introduce myself.

I'm a 32 year old male, and have had HOCD from the age of 25. I won't go into all the details of that, most are the same as the other OCD sufferers. It's been the most challenging and scary experience of my life.

I also used to be a habitual PMO-er. I found porn and masturbation when I was 17, and for most of the years since I didn't go to bed without PMO. And frequently woke up to PMO as well. I watched A LOT of porn. Fortunately for my psyche, I never ventured into the trans/gay porn area. I'm thankful for that.

My HOCD 7 years ago was preceded by a significant and sudden drop in sex drive. I tried all sorts of things to get it back over the years, and probably spend thousands of dollars on doctors, tests, supplements, etc. All basically to no avail. I felt worn-out sexually. I had erection problems. I had sensitivity problems. I had just a fraction of the sex drive I had before. And yet, I continued to PMO.

I got over HOCD for several years, and then got into a serious relationship earlier this year and it all came back again. And then it transitioned to Gender Identity OCD, which basically means I am worried about being too feminine. I analyze what I am doing, and how other's perceive me, to check my masculinity. I guess you could say I'm insecure in my masculinity. But to an obsessive degree. I've never been insecure about it before this year.

Here's the thing, though. When I don't orgasm for about a week, these worries go away for the most part. My HOCD has been on the out anyway, and my GI-OCD is significantly decreased when I don't orgasm for a week. But then when I do orgasm, I get insecure about my masculinity again and feel like I am not masculine enough and start googling all sorts of things related to gender identity and it sends me into a spiral of worry and anxiety. I went on a camping trip with my girlfriend this past weekend, after almost a week of no orgasms, and I totally felt like my normal self. Very few HOCD thoughts and feelings of femininity. It was great.

But having a girlfriend whom I love very much, and who I share a great sex life with, makes things a little tricky when it comes to not orgasming. So last week I committed myself to stop watching porn and stop masturbating. I've been able to keep that commitment successfully. But, I am still orgasming with my girlfriend. In fact, this weekend, I orgasmed 5 times. I guess it shouldn't be any surprise that my GI-OCD and HOCD are flaring up today.

WHen I found this site, and a lot of things clicked with me. The addiction to PMO. The HOCD. All the symptoms of having orgasmed too much and watched too much porn.

So my plan is this: stop the porn and MO, which I've done so far (5 days). In another month, my girlfriend is having minor surgery and she won't be able to have sex for 4 weeks. I've already talked to her about using that time to give my brain a break from orgasm. She was a little bit skeptical, but seemed on-board for the most part. She enjoys giving oral sex (lucky for me) so she's a little disappointed she can't do that during that month.

I'll keep this space updated with how things are going. As I've mentioned, so far the no PMO or MO has gone well.

ATL

Comments

Yes, and I think we'll get

Yes, and I think we'll get there. I'm slowly easing her into this concept. I don't want her to feel like me not orgasming is in any way a deficiency on her part. I'm going to send her the "The Lazy Way to Stay in Love" article. As I said she's receptive,

I'm curious, has anyone on this site experienced the feeling of "feminization" after orgasm? It's been something that's been bother me lately, how feel too feminine in the days after orgasm, especially multiple orgasm. And if I go a week or so without it, I seem to feel like my masculine self again. Just curious.

Thanks-
ATL