week 6

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Monday: Met K for batchata dancing again, and this time as I was not trying to "detect" her interest level, it went amazingly well. I danced until 11 (course was from 7 to 9), and almost with every girl from the class after the lessons were over. There were one girl that was very sexy and also quite a good dancer, wow, she gave me a really nice boner. I felt genuinely happy that evening:-)

Tuesday: Hmmm, didnt feel so motivated at work... left a bit early and went for yoga.. Passed by J's place on my way home, and I was expecting to clarify what is going on between us. But when I got there, there were already 4 more people, and we didnt have any privacy. I felt she was a bit cold than the last time I met her. At some point, where we were alone, I mentioned that I would like to talk to her, but now maybe not a good time....

Wednesday: Had tea and dinner with my two french friends G and N. There was moments when I felt left out as they were discussing their girl friend problems, but apart from that, a short and fun boys night out..

Thursday: It was Sweden's national day, and I went to the biggest park in town where a beach party was being held..I met J, her daughter and her friend M there. We were dancing, swimming, picnicking... very beautiful sunny day. One thing I noticed that made me happy and also scared me at the same time was that I didnt give a shit about all the pretty girl in the bikin's sunbathing and swimming, didnt even try to steal a kiss...Maybe it was because I was with J, but there was a lot of her friends, etc, so apart from quick kisses here and there, we were not being affectionate. At some point we were alone and I told her what was on my mind: That I like being with her, and it is not clear for me whether we are dating or being friends. And we have almost never met alone apart, and I would have liked to meet her alone so that we get a chance to figure out what we want from each other, be it friendship, just something casual, or something serious. She admitted her life has been very hectic lately, and she understands the situation. She likes me, but she doesn't like to plan things, but just see how it goes. Before we could discuss more, her daughter came back, so we left it like that. But I felt really good about the whole afternoon.

I was trying to get K come also to the park, but she couldnt make it on time. She texted me like 30 minute before I was supposed to leave (I had some phone meeting with colleagues in the US at 7pm), saying that she can come in 15 minutes if I am still at the park. I told her that I am leaving in 30 minutes, and she said she would take a walk in town instead.

Friday: Regarding work, this week has been a total crap. I didnt feel motivated at all, lots of meetings during which I was supposed to give good feedback, but felt like sleeping all the time. I don't know if it is the amazing good weather, or maybe some suppressed pain from what happend with K (am I fighting for my right to get unhappy because of rejection? Is it from this mindset where this rationalization coming from?)...I don't know, but I really have to catch up next week, because I get almost nothing done this week!:-(
So I left pretty early, went to Yoga... was texting here and forth with L, the girl I met last week, while sunbathing in a park by my place. She was proposing to meet up as she was out with friends, I felt really tired so got a rain check on that. So I went home, cleaned up my place a bit and slept early instead. It felt good to do that.

Saturday: Yoga in the morning. Finally I asked out the girl that I like (maybe I have mentioned her before?). I said something like we should go for a tea one of these days. And she said yes, how about doing something after a yoga class? So we agreed to do so after yoga on Tuesday afternoon Smile

In the afternoon, a colleague proposed to go to one of the islands in the stockholm archipelago for camping/hiking. I told Jo, my "decorator" and also L. L was moving to her renovated apartement that day, so she was not sure if she could make it but she said she will try. Jo was able to come. So I went with Jo, A (a friend of my colleague) to the island, where my colleague was already waiting for us. Unfortunately, it started raining after an hour or so after we arrived, so we go a ride with Jo's friends (a couple), who joined us a bit later. M, the yoga teacher/singer songwriter that I met at J's summer house a couple of weeks ago, wanted to crash at my place, so I said OK and went home with him. He asked me again if I had talked with J or not, that kinda irritated me a bit, but I told him the truth...
was a very nice day anyways, because apart from the yoga in the morning, everything else that happend was not planned at all...nice to have somewhat spontaneous days once in a while..

Sunday: Really nice sunday morning, M thought me 4 chords on the guitar and told me some really nice tip on practicing. He left around 12, and then R, an Ethiopian girl (I think she is around 21) came to my place to help me decide on a new hair cut ( she cut my hair about a year ago, but have not met her since). I had let my hair grow since then, and now a bit going out of control. Nice dreads on the sides but a bit messy at the front. And I am getting bold in the middle of my head, which add to the complication. Actually, my original plan was to grow an afro (a microphone like the young michael jackson or sly from Sly and the family stone), however, it was soon revealed to me that I will end up growing a donut instead :-).. that was why I went for the dreads option. While discussing with her I realized two things:

1) That I am very sensitive about my looks and what other think of me (how I was describing to her that I hate my hair line, that it is a bit skewed and it will show if I cut my hair low... she even told me that it is just that I have put it in my mind...)

2)I was veeeeery horny. At one point while she was bending and tying her shoelaces, I have to restrain myself from touching her ass. She is very petite with quite big boobs and was wearing some shirt that showed lots of cleavage.

We didnt agree on anything because she wanted me to cut my hair short, and I was afraid of doing that. We agreed to keep in touch and see if we can figure something out Smile

After she left, I felt a strong urge to watch porn. So I decided to take a nap and after that went to yoga. I arrived at yoga 20 min earlier, and was the first one there. I lied down, closed my eyes and relaxed, and drifted a bit into a light nap. When the teacher came and I opened my eyes, guess who has her mat next to mine, the girl from yesterday (E). We smiled at each other, and I focused on my self on the mirror. But was distracted a lot with thoughts about what is gonna happen today with this girl? Should we go out today after class instead of Tuesday? etc... but soon my distractions were gone, because the room was getting so hot and humid, I was starting to crack up and get dizzy. Half way through the class, I felt completely wasted and was starting to skip some poses and lie down on my back and rest a bit. Somehow I managed to stay till the end but was dead. I dragged myself to the showers and stayed there for about 15 minutes just to catch my breath. After a very long shower, I felt a little bit better. But by then everybody has already gone. But E has most probably noticed how wasted I was from my heavy breathing and collapsing in between poses, so I think she will understand Smile

Anyways, I felt a bit lonely today Sad

I have some afterwork thing tomorrow, so I can't go dancing Sad I would really have loved to do so! Part of me wanted to contact K, but I resisted by rationalizing that if she is true to her words and wants just to be friends, she should contact me as well sometimes! I wanted to call L and try to setup a date in the week, but now it is a bit too late to do so. Will call her tomorrow and see.

So lets see what the week will bring, maybe a couple of nice dates:-)...and hopefully will be able to get some work done!

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