week 6, day 7

Submitted by beherenow on
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I woke up around 6 am, with a strong hard on, and desperately wanted to get rid of it. I started kissing C, and she woke up soon after. I don't know why, I was not as relaxed as last night, and just wanted to do it fast before my erection is gone. So things were going a bit too fast, and I was in her before she was ready, and she didn't like it that much and mentioned it. This made me lose my erection a bit and I actually thought, do I really have to do this? And I told her exactly that, why don't we just cuddle instead, we don't have to have sex. She agreed. And we talked a lot...

She asked me "what is happening? yesterday you were quite relaxed" I told her I was not confident enough blah blah, and she told me how tired she was about guys with that. She mentioned that every time she is having sex with a new guy, it is almost always like this. It seems as if every guy (the first time or two they were having sex) was trying hard to impress her, give her an orgasm and so on, and put too much pressure on himself, which inevitably led to bad performance.

Ah, it was really beautiful 3-4 hours of talking. I told her my feelings that such an intimate thing like cuddling and talking shouldn't be only for lovers, but even for people who just met and who might not see each other again. I mentioned a little bit about Karezza, Tantra, oxytocin etc (mostly stuff I have read in reuniting :-), and she found it quite interesting. She was saying too bad I dont live here, otherwise we could have tried it together (I was also mentioning tantra).
We also talked about mindfulness, meditation and about enjoying the moment. She told me about two of her colleagues who are into that, and how they recently did a 10 day retreat called vipasana where one meditates continuously in silence and is not allowed to communicate with anyone (except for brief timeouts to ask instructions from the teachers). We checked online to see if there is such a center in Sweden, and we found one in Southern Sweden. I really want to try it out as soon as I get a chance.

At some point we have to wake up, as I have to go for a run, and she wanted to walk around and take some pictures on the streets of Stockholm. It felt amazing to go for a run after such long hours spent in extreme intimacy with someone (I was surprised to find cuddling and caressing much more intimate than sex). I ran a bit too fast than normal as I was feeling great, but didnt want to push it too much ,so I stopped after about an hour.

After that, i went to the salsa class, and there things went on amazing as well. After that I met C, and we went to a nearby Ethiopian restaurant to have early dinner. And during the dinner, she helped me a bit with prioritizing all the ten hobbies/activities that i am involved in (it didn't help that much cause I fought so hard not to leave any hobby behind). It was really funny, the idea was to list all the things that I am doing and I want to do on one column and push only the ones that I must keep doing for the next couple of months to the other column. At the end, it was only one item that didnt make it. She was making joke of it, and asking me "seriously, how are you gonna find time to date girls? so if you want to set up a date with a girl you like are you gonna tell her let's meet on tuesday between 8:30 and 9:30 because that is the only free time I have during the week?" that was a really good observation, and I promised to myself that some shits really have to go and I will do that exercise again soon by myself.

I had to go to the swedish language exchange thing soon after and I said good bye to her after we left the restuarant. Kissing her goodby in the middle of a deserted street, knowing that it is very highly likely that we wont see each other again made me a bit sad. But I must say part of me was relieved at the same time of this fact. I think I have spent too much time alone, so it must be natural to be afraid of attachments.

Anyways, the language exchange was quite nice, nothing worth mentioning. When I returned home, the korean couch surfer has not arrived yet (she had written me she will arrive a bit early, so I have left the door open for her). I called my sister and was talking with her when she arrived. It was funny to see her with five or six plastic bags filled with clothes, in addition to her big rucksack. She told me that she is a bit shopaholic and keeps buying clothes from every thrift shop she comes across.

We talked a bit, and she was incredible. She left Seoul about four months ago, and she came all the way to Sweden using trains and buses, and staying at random small cities all over Russia, Finland, china, etc. Her final destination is Paris, where she plans to stay for 9 months, if she manages to get some kind of work. Her story was so inspiring. She told me about her problem with the family, how her dad still have not talked with her after she left because he was mad at her for leaving her job and doing something crazy like this.

We were both tired, so I prepared the sofa bed to her and went to sleep....