Why is NOFAP so difficult?

Submitted by bonerrific on
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I feel like a recovering drug addict. It's like my body is wired and a constant current is running through it keeping me on edge while my brain keeps whispering 'fap' on repeat, a broken record. I can't relax. My feet keep contorting. It's pure willpower alone that's keeping my hands off my junk. Time is also going by so goddamn slowly. To top it off, I'm only on day 3...

Yes I'm on board for NoFap 2013. Haven't posted in a long time, gave up on NoFap. I really hope this New Year gives me the psychological edge I need to recover from my porn induced erectile dysfunction. I've read through some encouraging reboot accounts that have given me a lot of hope.

But yeah... why is this so absurdly difficult to do?

Happy New Year everyone!


I think it's because

 your method isn't a good one.

We generally get results that are based upon our approach.

1. Replacement behaviors are much more important than "don't do" behaviors. Fapping serves a purpose in your life. It helps you overcome loneliness, boredom, etc. So determine in advance what you will replace the jobs that fapping is doing, with something else instead. "If I am alone and lonely then I will do x" is what you need to be thinking about in advance.

2. Snuggling and cuddling are natural anti-fap tools. We are extremely social animals and if we get a lot of snuggling and physical closeness it is much easier not to fap.

How would you say you are doing with respect to the above?


Hey man, long time. Nice to hear from you.

I just got so close to failing again but I stopped myself... I see it as such a huge accomplishment. I've never gotten that close to breaking and just stopping, closing all the tabs and just saying No. Seems the new year is really giving me a psychological edge to breaking this emasculating habit. I firmly believe I can do it this time.

Unfortunately I'm STILL unemployed, yes ridiculous I know, but I have been busy studying for a professional qualification and I am actually applying for jobs and getting interviews. It's a huge step for me considering where I was a year ago. I was depressed as hell and borderline suicidal (not related to the copulatory ED, but other psychological problems), so I have made progress. Once I get a job I feel things will improve drastically for me. I also intend to start hitting the gym again, starting tomorrow, for sure (yeah I know, 'tomorrow', but it's the end of the day for me which is why I can't go now and I've had a busy day).

As for your second point... that's a big problem for me. I mean, I obviously don't have a girlfriend and I don't really feel like meeting the opposite sex because, well, my dick doesn't work as it should. Why would I want to pursue women right now, knowing that I won't be able to do a damn thing about it? Snuggling/cuddling kind of goes hand in hand with sex... or the girls will except sex at some point, and I need two months at the very least, and I haven't even hit the flatline stage yet (and why would I want to do anything when I do flatline?).

So it's kind of a Catch 22 for me... to help with recovery of erectile health, I should be hugging and meeting the opposite sex, having as much contact with them as possible, but I can't/don't want to meet them until I have recovered.

This is going to come across as very conceited but I'm only being honest as a anonymous person on the internet and so am really not trying to brag by any means. I'm a fairly attractive man. When I meet girls they often want to hook up with me. It was never difficult for me to kiss girls on nights out and stuff, but if my dick is currently useless, what on earth is the point? Back when I used to go out my friends started thinking I was gay because I could pull girls and they were clearing to willing to come over, but I knew I couldn't do a damn thing about it so I just took their numbers instead.

I don't want to have parties and go out with girls if I know I won't be able to do anything about it... it's one of the reasons I became so reclusive. It's difficult to climb out of this pit but I am trying. And I really don't want to tell anybody about this irl. It's too embarrassing. I wouldn't want to tell a girl this. I wouldn't want to go on dates either because it will just be awkward. I don't feel like a real man at all; rather, I feel like a eunuch.

I will start pursuing women again in approximately two months... hopefully after I've successfully gotten through the flatline stage and I feel a significant form of a recovery.

Catch 22

I get what you mean about the fear of not performing with women, so you purposefully don't pursue them. I guess my feeling is that you still have everything to gain and nothing to lose by socializing/ dating women. If you meet a nice one and you are real with her about your problem and what you're doing to fix it, that's all you can do. If she rejects you then you don't want her anyways.

When I started my reboot I met a girl a couple weeks after I started and I ended up dating her for like 2.5 months. I was open and real with her about everything (but that's how I am with everyone) and she understood and accepted it. Don't get me wrong, I was terrified to tell her but I made myself do it anyways and it ended up just fine. I eventually broke up with her because we weren't right for each other. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you address a fear head on and are unapologetically who you are, that's all you can be. If people don't accept it, then it's their loss not yours. It's easy to stay stuck in a non-productive cycle by having the "tomorrow" attitude. I'm just saying today is all we ever have, and if you want something to change, today is when you have to start the habit. Plus I believe being with a woman would accelerate your healing through the cuddling and bonding behaviors. If you don't want to pursue relationships right now, then don't. Socializing is good though and being reclusive is kind of counter-productive to kicking a PMO habit. I'm a believer in making myself do uncomfortable things, because the "unease" is myself letting me know thats an area of my life I need to improve.

So I guess if you really don't want to be with women right now, then don't. There are obviously benefits to finding a woman to cuddle with but I think you have to get to the place inside yourself where you find the confidence to not be debilitated by rejection. Confidence comes in time, the longer you go with no PMFO. Focus on other areas of your life to improve upon, and do it with the "today" attitude. After all, it is your life and your reboot. Success or failure is ultimately up to us and our desire for personal growth.

it seems your life has really gotten exciting

and it all makes perfect sense. However, I'm not saying it's difficult for you to hook up. I am saying that maybe you want to start exploring finding a special someone and taking it a bit slower. This might help immeasurably and by the time you are rolling into bed for intercourse or oral with this girl your machinery will be a long ways improved. If that makes sense given your personality...something to think about. 

The best girls for a long term relationship aren't the ones to have sex on the first date, let's just be blunt. It doesn't seem too soon given how much movement you've made in your life over the past year and your resolve.

See, you say "feel like an eunoch" and I get tthat you "feel" that way, but the brain is lying to you. You are not an eunoch. You are a guy who has temporary ED due to dopamine/porn and it is getting better and going away. It is often best to realize the brain comes up with these thoughts and ideas and they aren't real. They aren't even true. You just can be aware of this lie, and label it that way, and proceed to find someone you might enjoy spending time with, hanging out with, without sexual expectations right off the bat. 

I have said this before

but I was having bad ED issues when I met this girl. We cuddled and spent a lot of time together for a month or 6 weeks and then we had sex and I was able to. We are together still after 25 years and she is incredible. 

I was honest with her when the time came to discuss it. And she was patient and understanding. I think a secret to our successful relationship is that we didn't go straight into having sex.