cadethefaun's blog

Friends it is i guess

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

So I developed performance anxiety bc she was being too wishy washy about the relationship and I couldn't feel safe to have sex. One day I love yous and then once a week or two I got lets break it off.

she got angry about the performance anxiety, we fought about it and I guess we are just friends now. She says she really needs to b alone for a while to work on herself and she is probably right. I need somewhat more emotional stability for intimacy to work for me.

friend or girlfriend

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

Alright so me and my girlfriend have been getting along very well lately.

we both felt a strong connection from the beginning and had talks like if we stay together eventually moving/and or living together, soulmates, possible marriage, etc.,   Now at first this was a mutual thing and she initiated a lot of this type of conversation.

Over the weekend, we couldn't have sex bc we were interupted, killed the moment, she likes things to be perfect and private, and she got sexually frustrated and blew up at me.

finally

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

So I went to the grocery store to say hi to grocery store girl. I couldn't even bring myself to go inside, I was way too nervous.

I think deep down I was just telling myself I needed to be somewhere else. So I drove around a while and then went to the pub, much earlier than I normally would.

And I still can't believe it happened...

more de-brainwashing

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

so, there is this girl i like a lot. she works at a local store.

In one of our interactions, I was having a panic attack so bad my hands were shaking pretty badly. There was nothing else to do, so I told her i had major social anxiety, and it was ridiculous sometimes. She told me she had a family member who had the same and that she understood and it made her appreciate the interaction even more.

something weird happened

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

So I have been getting massages almost every week, the idea being to do nice things to myself to start proving to myself I'm a good person, and over time, I'll believe it, and massages being one of these things. They also make huge difference in my anxiety level throughout the week.

Anyway, so something happened with today's massage. It was a full body massage. The girl called my name and smiled at me when she saw me come up to her. Pretty sure it was an "I Like you" smile and she smiled everytime I was talking to her.

neediness

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

Is neediness caused by hiding needs from people and letting them build rather than just being assertive about them?

I had been working on not being needy around people, but it's really hard when I have so much bottled up. I was trying to literally not need at all, thinking, inside-outside world I have to not feel needy inside so the outside wouldn't be and it just kept getting harder.

eventful week

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

So, I have been working on myself. I have read a few chapters in No More Mr Nice Guy. Very enlightening. It talks about how we put layers around ourselves to attempt hiding our flaws and all it does is put layers between us. And that the flaws are what enable us to become close.

Apparently, women don't like men to be "perfect"   Shok

Side Quest

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

So, I have diverted my attention to a side quest that is part of my main quest. see my "Changing the rules" post for more details.

As sometimes happens in my life, I will notice a repeating theme until I figure out the message the universe is sending me. Several people and even an article I came across on the internet have given me the same advice. which is:

Once I have my life in order to the point that I'm happy without a woman in my life, the woman/women in my life thing will just happen naturally.

A thought.

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Submitted by cadethefaun on

Just thought I would send a thought into the universe:

"Life is Good"

No, life is not good for me right now, but I am intending to make it good.

And now, I have made an agreement with myself just by typing it.
Maybe I am a single thought generated by the universe.

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