it is day 191 since I stopped masturbating prone and day 43 of total abstinence from MO.
Yesterday I had a date with a wonderful girl and we had a really nice day while walking in the sun, visiting her city and talking about this and that. We had funny and at other times quite deep conversations and it felt really good to open up a bit to her.
After some time I felt a very strong desire to cuddle with her but I didn't want to push things too fast and so I didn't ask her to cuddle with me.
But when it was getting later in the evening, I told myself that I would feel miserable if I hadn't even asked her if she liked to cuddle a bit with me and so I simply did and she agreed.
At first she was a little tense but that settled when I told her that I don't want to push things too far and that I really just want to cuddle with her because it feels so good to do so. So we simply lay there and I caressed her a little but we didn't kiss or did something more intimate, which was totally okay for the both of us.
We talked quite openly about what we think we want from a potential partner and while she said she didn't know, if she want a partner in her life at this time, I told her that I'd really like her to be my cuddle buddy and I told her about the idea behind it. I think she liked this idea but she also told me that she would need time to think about it and that she also needed time to warm up with someone.
She's not nearly as touch starved as I am.
Now the more troubling thoughts of mine.
As we lay there and cuddled, I was aroused quite a bit but my erection was coming and going, never being more than maybe 50 percent at some short moments.
Sex would have been completely impossible.
I was also leaking while we cuddled and my pants were soaked with precum when i checked at home. No erection but loosing semen all day....
When it was time for me to leave, I told her that she could think about whether she want to see me again or not and that I just want her to give me a call in the next couple of days.
I'm pretty sure that she will tell me that she doesn't want to see me again because I'm not dominant enough but I simply have to wait.
It's also quite impossible to be dominant while having this limp dick problematic and all..
Then I took the last train home and thought about this very nice day.
I didn't get much sleep and as I'm quite strikt with no masturbation and no edging, I have not idea how it shall ever be possible not to fantasize about being close with a girl I like. It's simply impossible. And I know that it sets me back, even if its only about cuddling and kissing. So unfair.
Any thoughts and suggestions are welcome.