Day 188

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Submitted by Chris Jay on
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Despite the long blog post I had yesterday the rest of the day was really good. Went out to eat, hung out with friends, drove, and went to bed. This morning I started to have depressing thoughts again about suicide and about my orientation I started to have them when I was walking my dog and I just used the Red "X" technique to block these thoughts and switch my attention to something else. I'll have to continue working on this list of girls that I could possibly talk to. Since me and my ex broke up we've talked everyday for about a year now its like we have a brother/sister type of relationship but I think this may be hindering me in finding another relationship and moving on completely. I'll update later on about the rest of the day.


I think it's great that you

I think it's great that you can recognize when thoughts are b.s. and don't deserve to be heeded.

I think we all have sexual whims, but trying to follow them all would wreck our lives. Where you lead, your thoughts can follow.

Maybe you don't need to put pressure on yourself to get a relationship going. It will be wonderful when you get to try bonding behaviors, but be considerate because it hurts to rip away from someone you've bonded to. Since your ex sounds like a solid friend, is there a possibility of hugs or totally non-sexual snuggles with her?

If you're not dying to be in a relationship right now, I say enjoy it! Use the extra free time for work and studies and whatever you enjoy. Have fun going out in mixed groups so you can get to know a lot of different types of women and their personalities. And maybe there's a female friend with whom you can enjoy hugs and low-key non-sexual touch?

Keep it peaceful :)

You're right

I shouldn't put pressure on myself about it but I just really want to rebound from the previous relationship. And maybe give my brain a "kick start" for rewiring to actual real life people again.We go to different High Schools so it wouldn't be really easy to see her and she has a boyfriend(?) I think but I'm not sure.

So, I was thinking, what if

So, I was thinking, what if you turn it all around, and instead of focusing on how aroused you get by girls (which sounds like something you're concerned about, or you want to get turned on more powerfully than you do) - what if you turn that thought around and focus on the fact that you're able to bring healing to the women you have contact with. Touch that's not needy and grabby and focused on your own arousal can show genuine care and can be an amazing healing influence. Lots of women would respond enthusiastically to touch that comes from a giving state of mind. And then you will naturally respond to that... I just bet that the arousal question kinda takes care of itself if you start from thoughts about "how can I give to this amazing woman in this moment?" instead of "am I getting properly turned on by this?"

Chris is 16

He's amazing for his age, but it might be a bit soon for him to think about healing women. Wink That said, he could certainly focus on making his potential sweethearts feel good about themselves.


Blush Thanks for correcting me.

It's certainly true that if you focus on making someone else comfortable it can help distract you from analyzing yourself constantly. Did you know that volunteers are generally happier and healthier than others?

Well, I was picturing you as

Well, I was picturing you as a little older. :) But I think touch can be healing no matter what, and you're never too young to start seeing it that way. If you're holding hands, or giving a nice hug or a quick shoulder massage, you could focus on getting or giving a thrill, or you can focus on the amazing fact that through touch you can minister healing.

Even as young as 16 or 17, I somehow had some awareness that physical touch can and should be for healing, and I'm really glad I was able to look at it that way. In other ways I was totally immature but... live and learn... I'm really thankful I had that one insight, anyway.

Being that you are 14, can I ask your advice? I have a son who's 5. What steps can I take to help him avoid the porn trap? Obviously I have a few years, but these days not THAT many, and I want to be ready.

He's going to find about porn and maybe already has I remember

I first saw porn in 2nd grade If its not by you its by uncles,friends at school and it will be a lot worse than a female because he's a male. But I would suggest parental controls on movie channels that come on after 11-12 p.m. Parent controls on the internet too(porn ads are everywhere).And whenever you're comfortable with it educate him fully so he knows the consequences of long term usage.You can't really shield it from him sadly because America is such a highly "sexual" country. But these should help him avoid the traps.

It's fine

And yes, that would help a lot I think I'm starting to come into another flatline. These can last weeks up to a month but over time it should become less and less. I read from a success story that its a good thing its my brain rebalancing itself. These emotional rollercoasters are H E L L though.