Day 192

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Submitted by Chris Jay on
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Must've miscounted because my counter says day 192, But today was good for the most part, had a pretty good work day. But at work today one of my good friends told me that one of the fellow cadets the really quiet shy guy asked him was I gay. And when that happened my heart like sunk into stomach and my heart started to beat faster.He was like "hey, is he gay you know cause like the way he talks and stuff?". When he told me that I just got mad and in my head I am like I want to fight this kid. I didn't confront him though or fight him. Not worth a write up or getting fired.I then thought like why does this piss me off so much? Well mainly because I dealt with this my entire life literally. My older brother was really hard on me about the way I acted and I got I dont want to say bullied but kind of name called at for it.It's like a fat kid, the more and more you keep getting called fat the more you start to believe it and the more it hurts. Same here, I've already been about to fight this guy around the corner twice already for trying to get loud with me. So I'm just ready. Plus on top of all of this porn crap ive been through in that past almost two years that's the last thing I want to hear right now. And on top of that I dont know what the hell I am and wont really know until my brain is back in balance.It's just too much to deal with at one time. Anyways, I get home and my brain's feeling kind of foggy right now ill do a cold shower today before bed and try to exercise to get my mind off of things.



be grateful for these "tests" that life throws at you. They don't mean anything...except the meaning you give them. Maybe the other kid asked because he's gay and thought you were cute. You are what YOU are, not what anyone thinks (or hopes Wink ) you are.

When I was a teen I bloomed into an attractive young women (much to everyone's surprise including mine). That's not all good because certain annoyances go with that role.

When someone feels you out on this or any other silly assumption, just do what I did when men hit on me. Keep your cool, give 'em a big smile and say, "No, sorry. Tell him he'll have to keep looking." or "Gee I must be better looking than I thought, but sorry...." or whatever else you feel like as long - as you keep cool and keep smiling. I used to say, "Sorry I'm not interested, but I think you have great taste in women." *big grin*

There's certainly nothing worth fighting about here. Someone is just "information-gathering" - not trying to make you feel bad. So if you choose to take it as a compliment, and NOT to feel bad...problem solved! The less you care about this, the less often it's going to happen.

Make it a point to choose your own self-image and ignore all efforts to pigeonhole you on any basis. Use your chances to do this now. It's a useful skill to develop. Think Jedi!

Thats a good way to look at it.

Its all about self love. I always told myself when I got older I would try to change this and that to make more masculine so I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.All I know is God doesn't make any mistakes so if he made me this way its the way I'm suppose to be.


And we'll remind you of that whenever you need a reminder. Adolescence is awkward, but in a few years none of this will matter to you at all...difficult as that is to believe right now. Dirol