Chris Jay's blog

Reboot: Road to Day 90 Day 38

Chris Jay's picture
Submitted by Chris Jay on

Haven't been on here in 5 days and I am starting to see changes now. Things are starting to turn back to normal I'm starting to feel like my old self again at least partially I'm no longer depressed or fighting anxiety and life isn't as grey anymore either. However my porn tastes have been all over the place lately from lesbian to gay to straight they've just been bouncing off the walls lately.Which has lead me close to relapse last night I had a real craving for lesbian no I didn't look up any porn but lead me to look up "hot", material on YouTube.

3 Day Break Update

Chris Jay's picture
Submitted by Chris Jay on

Decided to take a break for a few days and just love in the moment.A while ago I read that "sensitization is when an addict pursues his/her addiction or fix". I can say that this break has been a good decision but at the same time the urges to MB and watch P have been higher then normal I'm on the fence about masturbating.

Summary of a full month no PMO

Chris Jay's picture
Submitted by Chris Jay on

This journey has pretty hectic there's ups and a lot of downs with it.The two main reasons I wanted to reboot was to 1.Stop worrying about my orientation & 2.Get rid of the Depression. So far I noticed I'm no where near asmuch worry some about my orientation as I was in November. I use to go home and Google hocd stories and how to cure it I even tried eating a weed brownie in order to try to clear my doubts up.

Rebooting:Road to Day 90

Chris Jay's picture
Submitted by Chris Jay on

Day 24
pretty good day overall nothing really to update about.
Day 25
Had a wet dream last night of me watching lesbian porn which felt unbelievably real. I thought I had relapsed inside of my dream but I didn't it was just a dream. Right now I'm in the car and just looking at the scenary and km noticing I don't feel anything like I just don't know how to feel at the moment I'm not depressed but I'm not happy either just kind of blank.I know this is normal in the rebooting process and it will soon pass.I'll update later on today.

Pages