Day 11 and Questions

Submitted by crazylife on
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First and foremost, God bless the administrators and the users in this community. I am so grateful I found you.

I started masturbating when I was 12 (I am now 44). It started with no porn and over the years I accumulated some Playboy's etc... Around age 25 I discovered on line porn. I have been masturbating every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day since then. I would say that 40% of the time I viewed porn while masturbating.

I recently broke up with a girl I really loved. The last 4 times we had sex I lost my erection upon entry, and I was using Viagra. I realized that I had been masturbating a ton because things weren't right between us over the last two months. Everytime she pissed me off I would masturbate while viewing very degrading porn towards women or fantasizing of very degrading porn towards women all the while fantasizing that my girlfriend was the one in the video/fantasy. Masturbating seemed to help at the time, but now I know it didn't. Has anyone done this too?

I am on day 11 with no PMO (I did edge a little yesterday). On days 4-9 I woke up with wonderful erections. They were strong and much thicker and engorged than what I have had over the last few years. Also my penis seems to be more engorged in its flacid state. The last 3 days, not much and I edged a little to test things out.

My moods have not been good. I have felt tired and very non motivated. Then came yesterday, I was so focused and motivated and happy. Today I would rank a 6-7 but I am also missing my girlfriend today (yesterday not at all!).

My questions are many. Is it possible that I am already starting to flatline? The whole flatline thing flips me out. If I attempt sex during flatline will it be a disaster? Should I even try another relationship during this? Many of you are at 120 days and not back to normal. I admire the hell out of you, but that just scares me to death...

Any feedback would be so appreciated. And thank you in advance!

Comments

I started my reboot one week ago today

and I can say that the only feedback I have is for you to take it one day at a time. I've been trying to quit since September but keep having relapses. Like you, I was daunted by the long term rebooters who had yet to recover. After reading reboot accounts on YBOP I realized that is truly dependent on the individual. There are people on YBOP who need 50 days and others who needed 120+

My opinion is that a reboot is a combination of individual factors (discipline and determination) and chance (you can't predict when your body rounds the corner). For me it helps to have a goal in mind. For example, I set my goal for one week and I accomplished that. I have now set it for next Tuesday, making it two weeks. Before you know, those weeks add. The reboot can be HELL and it can AMAZING.

Good luck on your journey to reboot.

Chances are

your reboot will be short...because of your age and all your time having sex with real partners. The young guys who wired to Internet porn (constant novel overstimulation) long before they connected with potential mates are struggling the most.

You may not even *have* a flatline.