First and foremost, God bless the administrators and the users in this community. I am so grateful I found you.
I started masturbating when I was 12 (I am now 44). It started with no porn and over the years I accumulated some Playboy's etc... Around age 25 I discovered on line porn. I have been masturbating every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day since then. I would say that 40% of the time I viewed porn while masturbating.
I recently broke up with a girl I really loved. The last 4 times we had sex I lost my erection upon entry, and I was using Viagra. I realized that I had been masturbating a ton because things weren't right between us over the last two months. Everytime she pissed me off I would masturbate while viewing very degrading porn towards women or fantasizing of very degrading porn towards women all the while fantasizing that my girlfriend was the one in the video/fantasy. Masturbating seemed to help at the time, but now I know it didn't. Has anyone done this too?
I am on day 11 with no PMO (I did edge a little yesterday). On days 4-9 I woke up with wonderful erections. They were strong and much thicker and engorged than what I have had over the last few years. Also my penis seems to be more engorged in its flacid state. The last 3 days, not much and I edged a little to test things out.
My moods have not been good. I have felt tired and very non motivated. Then came yesterday, I was so focused and motivated and happy. Today I would rank a 6-7 but I am also missing my girlfriend today (yesterday not at all!).
My questions are many. Is it possible that I am already starting to flatline? The whole flatline thing flips me out. If I attempt sex during flatline will it be a disaster? Should I even try another relationship during this? Many of you are at 120 days and not back to normal. I admire the hell out of you, but that just scares me to death...
Any feedback would be so appreciated. And thank you in advance!