Day 44 - thoughts so far

Submitted by Diceman on
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My urges to view porn are now almost gone completely, I rarely ever think about it and even when I do, I am in no way drawn to it, it's like it really is now part of my past. I'm sure there will be times when this isn't the case and from reading other blogs, I know the coast is by no means clear.

My goals before starting this were not related to ED but I did suffer from delayed ejaculation, to such an extent I had only ever once reached climax with a partner and I now remember that when this hapened, we had gone to visit my mum over Easter and I hadn't MO in 3 days. The link never crossed my mind. My goals were to stop tricking my brain in to thinking I was getting all of my sexual needs met by looking at 2d images every night, so that I would have no choice but to get out into the real world and meet someone. I had bad anxiety problems and depression was gradualy getting to a stage where it was a problem and I was starting to feel hopeless. I also really struggled with intimacy, to a point where I didn't feel comfotable being touched by another person. I have no idea why. I really struggled with eye contact and carried a feeling of shame with me, which until finding this site I didn't associate with PMO.

Now, my mood is really consistent, about a 6 I'd say. Eye contact is so much easier, work is so much better and I even think I'm in line for a coming promotion. I still procrastinate, but the urge to get out and meet women is getting stronger. I've told myself at day 70, it's time to make a real effort to find a partner. Don't get me wrong, I am a long way off being one of the success stories, but I think I'm on the right track at last.

Today has been a day where my emotions were up and down for the first time in a long time. I was stetching my legs having a walk around town at lunch and I had a strong feeling that something was missing, that I was aimless. I don't know what it is that I'm missing but I need to find it.

I have been in flatline but I think I my be coming out of it. A slightly older woman but attractive woman brushed by me as I was taking to someone at work, and it sent an electric shock through me, a good one, and it brought back to me how great the touch of another person can be and how much I crave that intimacy now.

Once day 70 comes, its going to be interesting how I can meet a girl. There are no attractive single girls at work and none in my social circle. I think I may even try salsa daning. Any ideas are welcome.

Anyway, those are my thoughts, nothing ground breaking but steady progress.