DoctorMusic's blog

Checking in on Day 50

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Hello friends, old and new.

I am back from a long time away from this site. I've been feeling like I should check in with an update on my 2013 so far. I've been porn, masturbation, and orgasm free for all of 2013. I had two wet dreams, two nights in a row, during the first full moon of the year, but have not been dribbling semen after urinating as I had been in the past.

This bird you cannot change

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I've decided that this blog is getting in the way of my remaining accountable to myself and myself only. Alas all things must come to an end. And I have to go my own way. And I appreciate your understanding. Thank you all for your support and for your kind words. I will no longer return to this site but believe me that I will take your encouraging comments with me moving forward.

It is time for me to make known to the world what I've internalized, and the only way now is with action and not words.

Peace.
Doctor Music

Day 47 - Relapse

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...and that's all I have to say about how I feel today. Got a super busy couple of weeks ahead, so will be keeping myself off the internet and focusing on midterms, laying down some tracks with the band, and turning up the heat on some fees who are scheming for me to give them the chase. Keep your heads up, nig nogs. Catch ya'll around the 2 month mark. Love and respect. --Dr. Music

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Day 45 - Oh, we're halfway there

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I had the most irrepressible nut tightness yesterday (tight and unbelievably shriveled in contrast to my wang) and deposited a load into Athena's (my toy) ass at midnight of the halfway point. No porn, no chaser, no major depletion of fluids (I have reserves), major relief, and no impending wet dream. I wasn't going to even post about it as Athena the goddess of love and war, in which all is fair (no pun intended), but for the sake of disclosure I made this good maintenance call. I also smoked a hit of weed and a took few puffs off a cigar to celebrate this milestone.

Day 44 - Married in my mind's no good

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I have decided to devote 10-15 minutes every day to doing some reading on self-improvement. It will cut into my study, exercise, and medical thriller-reading time a little, but one thing I know from my BA in psychology is that a lot of times, we feel hopeless and helpless only because we don't know how to extract the most utility from inherent powers. In other words, we often try to break our way out of the ice prison cell with, say, an eating utensil instead of a chiseling one.

Day 43 - It's been too long since I felt this way

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I'm getting to the point where I feel like blogging may be counterproductive to my cause of focusing on getting 'er done, but it does help to get my thoughts down somewhere so I can sort them out. It seems like the forces of nature are intervening all around me, propelling me forward with the voices of the past. As far as re-balancing goes, something interesting I realized today is that recently, I haven't felt like masturbating with my synthetic female genitalia masturbator at all. It's like...

6 weeks no PMO - I am just a new boy

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I'm continuing to explore new depths of solace within, and realizing how much time I've wasted on porn in the past. It's not even worth a glance, I realize, in retrospect. Moods are leveling out more than I had ever thought possible, as if I can control the passing of each grain of sand in the hourglass. I'm now absolutely convinced that constant orgasms really do a number on the brain. At this stage of my reboot, I'm definitely past any type of flat-line; I'm incredibly excitable, but no more knee-jerk grimaces when I see hot girls or happy couples.

Day 41 - The days go by like a strand in the wind

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Wow, things are getting hardcore now. I never would have imagined that I could make it this far. I have had almost no porn cravings throughout this reboot attempt, but it takes very little to get my physical arousal pathways stirring. I was massaging my tummy after eating a foot-long sandwich, and just rubbing on my lower abdominal muscles gave me an erection. I told myself what Marnia said recently about Karezza, that, "Erections come and go," thereby just observing it.

Day 39 - Slow down, turn around, everything's fine

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In the last 24 hours, I had a martini, accepted two puffs I was offered off a blunt, took some puffs of a cigar, and when browsing adult classifieds, I popped a major wood and used my masturbation aide to feel the sensation of penetration which I was so longing for, reaching a minor orgasm. Despite these questionable activities, things are really turning around for me. It seems that for the first time in my life, I'm surrounded by friends. I can hardly make enough time to say yes to every invitation to go do something.

Day 38 - The second hand unwinds

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I'm starting to almost freak myself out with how well I'm wearing my skin... When I incidentally see my reflection, I see a bad-ass motherfucker and no longer feel vulnerable inside. I am so much more hardened physically and mentally. Even so, I sometimes feel out of balance being involved in a medical program, sports, a band, cooking, yoga, etc., but every day I do a little bit to make tomorrow a little easier. It took a lot of failing grades, relapses, protein-stained underwear, missed shots, and a lot of rotten produce in the garbage until I found my way.

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