I'm trying to make things happen -- not a good thing

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I found myself this morning trying to get my wife aroused during intercourse. She just isn't. I feel somewhat of a connection but I also am fairly sure she is going through the motions to make me happy. She doesn't really mind but would prefer just cuddling.

So this morning I found myself frustrated and trying to get her going. Not a good thing. And it doesn't feel good either. I am trying to get her to read one of the Richardson books or at least look at the video of Diana's interview (thanks Sood). I think she remains shut down. This will take time. I know that. I guess it's the process and there is no rushing it.

Nothing much to add to this, just that it upset me this morning although I didn't show it.

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So sorry~

Emerson, I'm reading a book by Osho right (about Tantra~~yes, I'm a proud woo girl and always will be, lol)~~in it he says the idea behind Tantra is that everyone has within them the power to go from being unconscious to conscious. It just depends on how willing one is to meditate and leave distracting thoughts behind.

It sounds like *you* are at a higher level of consciousness than your wife right now and it's hard for you because you want her to be where you are~~you're ready to experience Tantra/karezza together. But all you can really do is stay within your own mind and let all the good feelings come to you, regardless of whether she is there with you or not.

It is said that when one is around someone practicing this kind of consciousness, at first it will repel them, but that eventually it will start to attract them and they will be interested in it themselves. Just do your own thing, don't let distracting thoughts of being upset, etc., interfere with your path. There's really nothing else you can do since you can't force her to want to take things to a higher level. Hopefully, she will see your glow and want to create her own soon.

Take care!

Rachel

as usual, you are so wise. Amazingly timely. Thank you. This is exactly right. But I didn't know the "first it will repel them but eventually it will start to attract them."

I'm gonna keep to myself, keep what I'm doing, and be patient. And focus on my feelings and not on hers. That makes so much sense. It is really my issue anyway. She's fine!

"See my glow and want to create her own" <----- I love that!!

Osho

Sood, the book I'm reading (on Kindle) is the first Osho book I have read (I plan to read many more)~~it was just released on Valentine's Day (I bought it from Amazon)~~it's called "The Tantra Experience: Evolution through Love."

It's not really about tantric sex, per se, but about how to practice tantra in your every day life. How to be, if you will. I am loving it, but I don't expect it would appeal to everyone because of the spiritual factor.

Arousal

How are you able to have intercourse with your wife without her first becoming aroused? Surely, arousal precedes penetration?

Or are you talking about 'soft entry'?

Then again, maybe you mean something else by 'arousal'?

it's really simple

It isn't really soft, sometimes it is a little soft, but usually my penis is pretty erect at that point.

I lubricate my penis a bit and it slides right in. She has some lubrication at some point, it isn't exactly dry, with a small amount of initial lubrication, it's quite nice actually.

She isn't aroused mentally, is what I mean.

Emerson

Do you have a place (your car or something) where you can go scream and let it out? It really does help! Whenever I am feeling an emotion like that (that I'm not wanted, rejection, etc.), I try to do something really physical and/or scream out loud. You do it long enough and the anger subsides and you're normal again, lol. (it's a tip from Diana Richardson that I have found to be really useful for me~~better to let it out right then and not let it simmer and fester until it becomes an outburst later)

Freedom

She talks about how to deal with emotions in almost all of her books, including the one you mentioned (but I'm reading it in the "Tantric Orgasm for Women" book right now). I think she brings it up each time because she feels emotions can ruin a love relationship so easily. We bring our baggage to the table sometimes and try to blame our partner for it. It's been really helpful for me to realize when something deep inside me is surfacing and how to deal with it in a constructive way. Get rid of it and move on.

That is not me with my horse~~but it's a dream of mine to be with my horses in the ocean, so that is why I chose the photo. I think it's beautiful.

yes this is so

I am still keeping my spreadsheet and I can almost see the ripples. There was one the other night, day 2, just amazing deep fall in mental mood for awhile for no reason...etc.

Great point.