lube problem - any ideas?

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We've been going along quite well using lube. I was using MCT oil, but it irritated my penis. Then we moved to butter but I think my penis developed some irritation that is still going on and we can't use any lube at all that is oil-based.

I'm getting aloe vera gel today and will try that.

Any ideas are welcomed!



Alternative Approach

emerson, are you doing all you ought to on the good eating/exercise/sleep/stress reduction side of your life? A strong body reduces or even eliminates allergic reactions, in my experience. Just food for thought.

I now eat largely in the 80/10/10 Diet mode: e.g., six bananas, two oranges, and an apple for breakfast; a huge multicolored salad for lunch; and bean chili for dinner (my diversion from 80/10/10). I feel better than ever and am stronger than at anytime since age 18. For Karezza, we use grapeseed oil, and neither my wife nor I suffer irritation from it in our 5 1/2 years of use.

May glycerine or aloe vera work for you!

All oils are out

My penis is badly affected by the oils and hopefully things will return to normal.

Tried glycerin. It kind of burns my wife a little. I realize that it needs water added to it, so I’ll add a little.

Also will be experimenting with her taking a bit of vaginal DHEA, vitamin E and vitamin A with progesterone as that is supposed to be helpful.

Thank you for all your ideas and sharing your thoughts.

Rubbing D3

in vagina (it comes in little capsules) works for a friend of mine's vaginal pain. Doesn't sound like your wife's issue, but I mention it anyway, as someone else might find it useful. I can find the full description of her experience if anyone wants it. (PM is fine)

what seems to work...

buy glycerin. Mix with water, and apply to the penis. Still playing with the ratios. Glycerin by itself sucks water out of the vaginal lining and isn't good. With water, it's fine. Too much water and it isn't lubricating enough. But it isn't really that tricky and I mix and apply before intercourse.

Thank you for that suggestion @Aphrodites Chela.

The coconut oil or butter or MCT oil was fine until it wasn't. I really have kind of messed up my penis from it. Lost some sensitivity and I'm still trying to figure out how to heal there. I never expected that.

I had a similar experience

I had a similar experience where coconut and almond oils used to work, but then they became super irritating. KY jelly (the plain vanilla kind) has been comfortable for me.

I'm glad you are on the road to healing! My hippie side says: be careful how you talk about yourself! It's such a wonderful body part... it doesnt deserve to be told it's "messed up" and you're "working on it"...

I bet you can amplify the healing process with nurturing, affirming words and thoughts.

emerson, are you circumsized?

emerson, are you circumsized? I am, and had no idea that foreskin protected a mucosal layer on intact males. Maybe a long-term solution for lubrication is for ‘cut’ males is to regrow their foreskin. I think I am going to give it a try.

“...As the foreskin grows and begins to cover the glans, the glans and inner foreskin remnant start to return to their original mucosal state. That is, the glans and inner foreskin dekeratinize and take on the characteristics of the mucous membranes that they are...”

I learned of regrowing foreskin from this article:

Anybody here have experience with this?

I did this for a while a

I did this for a while a couple years ago, but kind of stopped doing it. I have been meaning to start it up again. It seems to work, but progress is slow, However, you only need to stretch it for a few min every day, so it's not a huge commitment.

I actually found out recently that circumcision was originally just a slit cut on the top of the foreskin, probably to prevent phimosis. But the Romans made the Jews change it to a more drastic cut bc they were able to stretch it and hide the fact they were Jews. And then, it somehow evolved into the practice today of not just cutting the skin, but also the frenulum

cade-, I have been 'tugging'

cade-, I have been 'tugging' with a device daily for just under six months now. Yes, progress is slow. But, I have grown just under one inch of foreskin, now. I think I probably need to grow three inches to give me full, reliable coverage of my glans (the cone shaped head of the penis) at rest.

The fascinating, and entirely unexpected, benefit of foreskin restoration is a bit of an increase in size, both length and girth. I read that scar tissue from circumcision can cause tightness and restriction. For me, loosening the skin on my shaft via tugging has allowed for fuller increases during erections, and at rest, too.

My growing foreskin is already serving one of its functions: it is preventing my glans from acting as a squeegee and pulling out natural and applied lubricants (I use grapeseed oil) during intercourse. The retracted foreskin serves as a plug, and intercourse with my wife is wetter, now.

I tug solely at night, during sleep, using this device (warning: there are nude male photos here):

To restore the softness, lubricating function, and sensitivity of my glans (which I would not get until I reached foll coverage at rest), I use a big toe silicone cover, which I wear during the day.

May your restoration efforts go well, cade-!

An odd thing about

An odd thing about circumcision: it can result in hair growing on the shaft of the penis. I paid no close attention to my equipment until I began tugging. I then found that my tugger would not work -- it would break suction -- with hair on the shaft of my penis. So, I began shaving the shaft of my penis (near the base) and the front of my sac. I think that has reduced irritation during intercourse, as my wife has not commented on irritation for some months now.

Thanks for reminding me, I

Thanks for reminding me, I got back to tugging by hand and I decided to focus on what's left of the ridged band, it will be slower at first, but my thought was I can't restore the frenulum, but maybe can get back some ridged band, so I focus on stretching what's left of that. Think about it, the ridged band is about 4 square inch or so of very sensitive skin and cutting it off crams all those nerve endings into just a small area of whats left

It appears to be working, I have a bit more corrugated skin and now just having my foreskin touched gives an amazing sensation. I don't even have enough to cover the glans yet; but that's something to look forward to also.

Amazing how much sensation you get back you didn't know you had; last time I was receiving the oral I had to tell her to stop; it was so intense it was uncomfortable

How long since you used porn?

(Don't answer unless you want to.) I'm just curious because I think sensitivity also returns to the reward circuitry of the brain as you cut back on supernormal stimulation. Hard to separate the two phenomena perhaps.

Not long ago, it's been a

Sadly, not long ago, it's been a couple weeks, sometimes I just get lonely, I've never had a relationship that really lasted, and so I haven't had any significant other.

But, at least I can say it's an only occasional slipup, I don't do it everyday like I used to.

However, my experience of my own progress over the past few years tells me that, yes, more sensation comes back after cutting porn use but foreskin restoral also brings more

Makes sense

Thanks for the info. It's a crazy world out there as far as finding a trustworthy, affectionate mate goes. However, it might be better to stick to fantasy rather than artificial stimulation. Screen-based novelty can be highly compelling, and can't be duplicated by real partners. In other words, train for the sport you want to play.

But you prolly know all this by now. Biggrin

Hope 2020 is a better year for finding a mate!

Great to Hear!

Great to hear that you are seeing foreskin growth and a return of sensation. I am very happy for you, cade-.

May your restoration and finding-a-steady-mate efforts in 2020 go well!

Yes I am unfortunately

But I probably won’t go to a any  “Lengths” to regrow the snipped foreskin.

Probably a good idea though.

I’m sticking with water+glycerin and figuring out how to heal.


Greetings Emerson! Can

Greetings Emerson! Can certainly commiserate on this topic as wife has always had a sensitive "kitty" so anything that upsets the natural conditions in the vagina can trigger yeast infections. Have to avoid anything with glycerin, paraben, silicone, anything aggressively hydroscopic ( absorbs water), or anything that changes the PH balance. Even ejaculating inside her would reduce her natural acidity enough to often trigger yeast infections(hows that for a Karezza incentive?).

We spent years trying to find the perfect lube and have settled on pure unscented Aloe as our primary go to. We did successfully use Wet Naturals glycerin free paraben free formula for some years but they must have changed something in the ingredients because that sets her off now. Aloe Cadabra is a commercial brand that has an unscented Aloe product that works well for us that we know has no extra surprise ingredients. Very tempted to buy generic Aloe in bulk to save $$$ but have not found source with documented purity. Good luck!

Here is closure to my saga of the lube


We tried glycerin by my wife found it irritating after a month.

My penis finally healed. With a combination of treatments, not easy.

So now we are helping along with a concoction I made with progesterone, D3, vitamin A, she puts it in her vagina to help her lubrication hopefully.

And I am back to using a small amount of olive oil on my penis. I find the key is wiping and drying after intercourse. That seems to be fine and no problems at all.

I got penis problems

Abrasion or ulcerations, quite superficial, but they hurt. 

It was kind of awful but I just had faith that I’d fix it. Took about a year.

I’ve read of men who have had similar problems for decades. The doctors prescribe cortisone cream, which I wouldn’t have used, so I didn’t bother going to a doctor about it.

The solution after healing is to carefully wipe my penis dry after intercourse, and use as little oil as needed. 

Lubrication and circumcision

I’ve always felt a bit uneasy contributing to a thread about the use of lubrication during intercourse. The fact my wife and I have never had the slightest need for it seemed a bit boastful. I could conceive of no reason why we should be blessed in this way, just as I could think of no special procedure we were following that those who did use lubrication were missing out on.

Then, I came across this, which made me wonder if the majority of couples who use lubrication are ‘male circumcised’:

The paragraph that leapt out at me was this one:

`During intercourse, the skin of an intact penis slides up and down the shaft, stimulating the glans and the nerves of the inner and outer foreskin. On the outstroke, the glans is partially or completely engulfed by the foreskin with more skin remaining inside the vagina than is the case with the circumcised penis. This ‘valve' mechanism is thought to retain the natural lubrication provided by the female because the bunched up skin acts to block the lubrication escaping from the vagina, which results in dryness.'

I also came across this which suggests that not having a foreskin directly affects male lubrication:

Ordinarily, I would have assumed there was nothing that could be done about this, but it appears from posts by John G that regrowing a foreskin is a distinct possibility. I’m so glad I don’t have to consider doing this!

Regardless of its lubricative role, I find it extraordinary that circumcision is still considered an acceptable practice, and I’m eternally grateful my parents didn’t chose it for me.

Totally makes sense

`During intercourse, the skin of an intact penis slides up and down the shaft, stimulating the glans and the nerves of the inner and outer foreskin. On the outstroke, the glans is partially or completely engulfed by the foreskin with more skin remaining inside the vagina than is the case with the circumcised penis. This ‘valve' mechanism is thought to retain the natural lubrication provided by the female because the bunched up skin acts to block the lubrication escaping from the vagina, which results in dryness.'

I got circumcised about 6 months after I got married (on the recommendation of my wife's doctor), shortly after my wife had her Bartholin's glands removed. Before all that surgery, no problems at all with lubrication. Ever since the surgery, intercourse has been impossible without adding some lube. I had always assumed the lack of lubrication was due to the loss of the Bartholin's glands and/or some loss of interest in sex and less arousal on my wife's part - and perhaps that was part of the problem - but from the previous paragraph I can see how the circumcision could make a big difference too.

This has piqued my interest in foreskin restoration. John G, I'll be interested in hearing about your experience with that.

My Thoughts

James, I am 10 months into my restoration, and could not be happier with my progress and the improved function of my penis during intercourse with my wife.

Your path for restoration will depend upon how much foreskin was removed. If you have some remnant foreskin/looseness about your penis, you may be able to proceed directly to using a tensioning device. If your penis is now tight, you may need to manually tug your shaft skin first for 2-4 weeks before proceeding to using a device.

Folks who practice Karezza are probably highly motivated to make whatever changes are required to have the most bonding and mutually pleasurable intercourse possible. That is a big plus for you.

There are many boards and feeds -- e.g., on Reddit -- where restorers congregate. I participate on this board. The photos, videos, and sharing of experiences have been motivating and invaluable:

I started out at CI-1 (warning, photos of penises):

I am now knocking on the door of CI-4. I am targeting CI-6, and could see myself proceeding to CI-7.

I skipped manual tugging (bad call on my part, as I got some microtears in my shaft skin, which quickly healed during a week-long break), and first went to using this device (warning, photos of penises):

I think this device is great -- I used it for eight months -- if you can tolerate wearing a strap across your chest or down your leg. I no longer like wearing a strap.

I have been using this device for two months, now, and could not be happier (I use the silicone Deep Pusher):

Some evenings, after using the CAT II Q during the day, I use the TLC Tugger to tension my developing outer foreskin. I have read, and it makes sense to me, that a variety of tensioning methods may be useful to most quickly and fully regrow foreskin.

I think foreskin is important for the most comfortable and enjoyable intercourse. My wife's lube is not only retained by my foreskin. It seems to stimulate it. And, there appears to be a variety of natural secretions, from thin to thick, during a single session of intercourse, that I now feel.

'Sex as Nature Intended It' is an outstanding book on the function of foreskin. I most highly recommend it. It is available free in PDF here. Both it and the 'Top 10 Ways Circumcised Penis Harms Women' and 'Top Ways Penis Circumcision Harms Men' were eye-opening to me.

From SANII, I was led to 'Eve's Secrets,' which lays out the biology and physiology behind female lubrication. It is there that I learned about the various phases and types of female secretions, which come from the vaginal walls, urethra, and cervix. I had no idea!

Between those two books, my read is that it must be very difficult for a woman to have the full range of physiologic responses available if her partner does not have a foreskin.

CPA taught me that loving touch stimulates release of oxytocin, which strengthens bonding. My sense is that intercourse with a foreskin allows not only the full range of physiologic responses, but that such physiologic responses create positive emotional responses, too, for both the man and woman.

Please feel free to drop my a direct message if I can be of any assistance whatsoever, James!

Thanks for that First Link!

Wow, what telling findings:
-- "...women who had experienced coitus with both intact and circumcised men preferred intact partners by a ratio of 8.6 to one..."
-- "...Women reported they were significantly more likely to have experienced vaginal dryness during intercourse with circumcised than with genitally intact men..."
-- "...Women who preferred a circumcised male sexual partner averaged 27.3 years of age (SD = 8.2), while those whose stated preference was for a genitally intact partner had a mean age of 36.4 years (SD = 13.7). Thus, the role of the male foreskin in preventing loss of vaginal lubrication during intercourse may become more discernible with increasing age among women..."

Makes sense, great to see things surveyed and quantified. Thanks, sood!

thank you Sood

I didn't know this, it is very very interesting. I am unfortunately circumsized. I think getting the foreskin back is difficult and probably not something I'll bother with but I can see how it is a really good idea.

It Is Not Difficult to Restore Foreskin... really is as simple as wearing a device that gently tensions your existing shaft skin Some motivated, disciplined men have completed the regimen in two years. The tension induces mitosis of the shaft skin cells, giving you more shaft skin. Ultimately, you have enough shaft skin that it covers your glans (head). A covered glans soon regains its original structure: soft, sensitive, moist. The covered shaft can also become moist.

I just came across this book yesterday, written by a woman, wonderfully illustrated with photos and video (TRIGGER WARNING FOR THOSE SUSCEPTIBLE), as to why it is so important FOR THE WOMAN for a man's foreskin to be restored:

I just received a new restoration device yesterday, which I can wear during the day invisibly and securely. It is a clever design, and has many fans:

Just food for thought!