Really don't mean to go in circles here.
Sparkles said she really hasn't felt any libido for a number of years.
We can rule out birth control meds (she was not on them since we've been together), medication of any kind (she doesn't take anything), depression (she isn't depressed), exercise (she exercises every day for an hour), health problems (very healthy, thank goodness), ummm....what else? Stress and anxiety? Nope.
Maybe she isn't really that attracted to me, but I don't think that's it either. We have a very physically loving relationship. She says she enjoys it when I'm inside her to the extent of the closeness but doesn't otherwise feel much of anything and doesn't have desire. It's like, as I suspected, she does it to make me happy. She would prefer just cuddling really.
She *does* lubricate. So it isn't a bodily thing. She doesn't lubricate quickly or almost instantly like she used to before menopause, but she does lubricate after my penis is inside.
She does have orgasms too.
I asked her why she doesn't want to have orgasms now that I'm not having them and she says she is self concious somehow. So I said, if you aren't going to have them, why not read and learn? It's so worth it to have the kind of sensations and feelings I am having.
She still hasn't looked at the Richardson video or a book or anything.
I think she *must* have a sex drive. But it's still locked away. To me, a great clue (as I told her) is how she feels when I touch her breasts. She is very defensive about my touching them. And she says she feels sort of a nauseous feeling when I do. That is a big clue to me.
And she does lubricate. There is physically some arousal if not mentally.
I think without clitoral stimulation, she feels nothing because her sex drive is locked down and the connection with her breasts is there but her mind needs to rewire itself. That's my feeling from reading the Richardson books. She doesn't really have a strong desire to do anything about this. That is my thing, not hers.
I am sorry to go in circles here, I don't mean to...it reflects the circles I feel I am going in right now. And I realize we are post-O here with her (I haven't had an orgasm in over 2 months now).
This is really a journey about the only person that can do anything about this, which is me. I must come to terms with the fact that my partner may not have any real sexual desire and that is okay with her. But it really isn't okay with me. I feel angry right now. It may be because I am physically not feeling great for other reasons. My business situation is improving and I feel a *lot* better about that. I will go downstairs again and pound things and get rid of some of these feelings.
It is still quite possible (probable?) that this all just takes time to rewire and sort out. That she is going through a sort of reboot. But the fact that she says she hasn't felt *any* sex drive for a number of years disturbs me.