fcjl8's blog

Breakthrough

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

I feel like I have reached some real breakthrough moments recently. I have been able to encounter people while out and feel no lusting whatsoever. No objectification. For me this is a big deal.

Even on my last 2 long periods of time away from porn i would still find some degree of my eyes going where they should not. This bothers me because I wish to see all people as whole beings not body part collections. I wish to be authentic and live this way not just talk it!

Stopping by

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

I am around 115 days since my most recent attempt to quit a life of PMO addiction started. I had enjoyed 280 days clean from it last year before a bad relapse. But I feel pretty much on track again.

My wife and I are connecting more and more. We discuss and play around with karezza a lot more lately. We still have not fully committed to karezza but continue to explore it. We are both mindful of what after effects come following orgasms. We like the star type position with relaxed legs over each other... I am thankful to reuniting for pointing this position out!

day 81 on my path

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

This is the 81st day on this current streak of no pornography and no masturbation.

The only sexuality I have enjoyed has been with my wife of 31 years.

The other day following some very nice oral pleasure we moved toward a more karezza type of position and I just relaxed and enjoyed the connection, we remained in this state for quite a long period and both really enjoyed.

My wife decided she wanted and orgasm so a slight movement change gave her a very strong orgasm.

65 days no PMO

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

I am now on day 65, Friday was 9 weeks on this version of my path.

Really when I assess things I have had two major relapses in about 3 years now, so far , far more time not using pornography and masturbation than using it. I mean probably 85-90% of my last 3 years have been free from PMO use!!

I still consider myself an addict. I know from experience that if I were to view pornography and masturbate it would lead to repeated use until I wrestled control of it and got back on path, so the addictive nature is still there.

60 days tomorrow

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

I am hitting 60 days clean from PMO tomorrow afternoon. Been there before, a few times, but happy nonetheless!

Gratitude for all I have learned, even repeatedly, on my journey away from PMO addiction! Now if it would quit snowing and warm up anytime now!

Seven weeks today!

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

Yes , I am enjoying a Friday, this particular Friday marks 7 weeks on my current No M and No P path.

I am enjoying closeness with my wife, my attitude towards my work and exercise is improving. My interpersonal dealings are so much better, I think I am getting closer to my true self... Again.

Sorry, that it is "again", sorry that I slipped and fell off my long path, BUT happy to be here now! Now is all that counts.

Day 40

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

So this is my 40th day since I last used pornography and masturbated. I have had several moments of intimacy shared with my wife.

I think this is about the 4th time I have made 40 days, I then went on to make many more clean days. So this is part of a fairly familiar process.

It has been a desire of mine to rid myself of PMO, this desire has been strong the last 5 years. The last 2 years I have been "off" PMO more days than I was "on" PMO. This is progress.

Marching along

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

Last Friday was 5 weeks since I began this current version of my 4-5 year journey to rid porn and masturbation from my life.

The past year has been the best , in terms of time away from masturbation, by far. Probably 30-35 days with masturbation and 360 plus free, taking into account my current 38 consecutive days. And there was my 250 plus consecutive days. So I should be pretty happy with this.

Good , close connections with my wife. Lots of good bonding physicality.

4 weeks

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

This afternoon makes 4 weeks since I last looked at pornography and masturbated. This is good. I have no urges to M and certainly no urge whatsoever to see porn again, ever. The last time I viewed porn was horrible on every level. I do not desire to view that type of image.

Sure, i am going to need to remind myself at some point. Maybe a symbolic tattoo? I just don't want a tattoo on my body so maybe an icon or something?

Have not stopped in at reuniting for a while...

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Submitted by fcjl8 on

and find the usual inspiration here just looking around!

sadly, I fell off my path of no PMO after going over 250 days clean, 8 months or more Late November 2012 to late August of 2013. the longest period away from PMO in my memory.

It was great to be away from it. I don't even remember when exactly or how I fell, relapsed... it took several good efforts to break free again. I am now 22 days free from P or M. That is good.

I am going to go farther this time, I can do it. The 8 months was so good!

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