1 year update - finally having successful sex

Submitted by fixme on
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Hello,

The end of July will be a year of starting this journey. I've looked at no porn in this time and started masturbating on a semi-regular basis for the last 5-6 months. In the last 2 months, I have finally had successful sex with a condom. I had sex 3 times and used cialis twice. I also received oral sex 2 times without a condom. Additionally, normal libido has returned and I am starting to having horny feelings again on a regular basis.

All of this has boosted my confidence a lot and i'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although I still need a lot of manual stimulation to get an erection, I am fully confident that I can get one in a sexual situation and with an understanding girl. Even when I lose it, I can and have gotten it back. Although ED is starting to get under control, I have started having premature ejaculation.

I think that if I continue to have regular sex with girls that I am comfortable with, this will eventually go away also. I am also masturbating with lube to reduce anxiety and sensitivity. I can masturbate (with stops when I'm about to cum) for pretty much as long as I want and stay hard. I am certain that my PE is all due to anxiety.

I am looking forward to the day where I can have sex normally again like when I was younger. I've accepted the fact that I will probably always need manual stimulation and will probably never be a "sex god" but I'm hoping to just have satisifying sex the standard 5-10 minutes. I think I'm close and wIll keep everyone updated on my progress!

Comments

Some brains are just

stubborn about healing ED. Your post is veryhelpful though, because I'm sure you're not the only guy who is having similar challenges.

Just curious, how often is your masturbation schedule?

It's normal for lots of guys to have less than stellar performance when they first start back with sex. I think you will see more improvement than you think. Gary just put up these two rebooting accounts, which you might like. Of course, everyone is different.

Age 28 - Married with ED: 100 days

70 & 90-day reports: amazing journey

Keep us posted. I'm more interested in what "long rebooters" have to say than any other group. There's a lot more still to learn about you guys.

I masturbate a couple of

I masturbate a couple of times a week and basically whenever I feel horny. I guess my brain is re-wiring towards woman now that I have been dating a couple of girls and making out, having oral sex, etc. I am happy that my libido is back and I have absolutely no desire to watch porn. While masturbating, my erections are nearly always strong and I can masturbate to some thoughts of the girls I'm dating.

need for manual stimulation can go away

You are doing great and the key to this is to just be on the path you're on and watch things so they get better and better. Which they do!

 

The truth is, if you masturbate less frequently your need for manual stimulation may go away and you will probably begin getting spontaneous erections without stimulation.

PE does NOT get better by masturbating and lasting that way. Actually I don't think this is always so helpful for PE. What helps for PE is to approach sex while relaxing and learning to relax your pelvic floor. When you do Kegels those are around the pelvic floor. Meditating on that area and getting to feel it lets you focus on it during intercourse and relax and that leads to lasting a long time and having great pleasure at the same time. 

hello emerson,

hello emerson,

thanks for the advice. I am actually getting spontaneous erections sometimes just by thinking about girls. They are usually not full erections and only last a few seconds, but better than nothing. I think that masturbation actually helps that as I feel higher libido after doing it.

I am not sure if PE is helped by masturbation but it seems like if I get used to the feeling of penetration by masturbation with lube, it could help. Why do you think that not masturbation will help PE?

I do try to relax when having sex. I do kegels and reverse kegels but doesn't seem to help much. I have also tried meditation and yoga. It does help me feel more relaxed but didn't seem to help the PE.

you'll get it smoothed out

If I were to sum up, I'd say, avoid performance altogether. Slow down, enjoy and savor every moment before you go to insertion. When you insert, do it slowly and make the act of insertion last. Then move extremely slowly inside her. See how that helps prevent PE.

It takes a awhile for the body to really rewire. Those spontaneous erections will get better and better. In my opinion, direct penis stimulation slows down the rewiring process, but I could be wrong.

Masturbation is totally different than intercourse to the brain. Context is different entirely so I doubt that one thing transfers to the other all that much (short of extremes like the death grip which you are not doing). Lots of guys masturbate just fine but have sexual problems with a woman. Often these problems are due to pressure for performance rather than just enjoyment.

Re kegels: I didn't mean to say doing kegels helps so much as relaxing that area, the pelvic floor, can really help. Relaxing that area during sex by focusing some of your attention there is very pleasurable and I think helps delay ejaculation.

 

The ancient Chinese

viewed PE as a sign of sexual weakness, so it couldn't be cured by more orgasm. That just weakens the system further.

I know it's confusing because if you exhaust yourself completely, you might then last longer on a particular occasion, but you also may be overtaxing your body. Did you read this? Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause a Hangover?

Keep experimenting. You'll figure out what's right for you.

why?

why would you even want to masturbate again? think of all the damage it has done to you. in my opinion just fuck fuck and fuck lol

I am not convinced that

I am not convinced that masturbation is that bad. I think porn affected me a lot but I have absolutely no desire to go back to that. I masturbated for years before I discovered porn and had very satisfying sexual encounters. According to Kinsey studies, 95% of men masturbated before high speed porn and the previous generations were all fine. I think that masturbating once a week or every 2 weeks is not harmful.

I like masturbation because it gives me confidence that I can get solid erections by hand. So if I lose it during sex, I can always go back to that. I try to have sex as much as I can but work a lot during the weekdays and am dating a girl, but she works a ton of hours and is always busy. She is also currently traveling out of the country so I won't have another chance until August. Basically, sex is not available to me every night so I can't fuck fuck fuck. Otherwise, I'd be all over it.

You're right that

masturbation alone has seldom caused men problems. It's hard to overdo it unless you have today's free, streaming erotica on tap. You probably know that too much ejaculation can apparently overload the brain, right? Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause a Hangover?

However, guys here have noticed that if they've had porn-related sexual dysfunctions, they recover better if they stop masturbating (too) for a long time. It's possible your body needs a bit more time without solo sex before it's back to normal. Just something to think about - if you're not content with your results.

It's great that you have a sweetheart. It may even be for the best that you can have sex all the time if your brain still needs some healing.

Well, when i started the

Well, when i started the reboot I did a full 5 months of absolutely no PMO. It didn't help and I was still having ED issues. I then let myself masturbate again on and off sporadically and had sex again 3 months later. I still had ED. I cut back on the masturbation and worked on relaxing and started seeing a therapist (for ED). He actually told me to start masturbation and to focus on breathing and relaxing when I do it. This is actually what has helped my ED.

I figure that I'm probably done rebooting and just having lingering performance anxiety which I might not even be conscious of. I also probably still need to re-wire to women/sex. I could easily cut out the masturbation but feel like it's helping reduce anxiety to know it works and I haven't seen any harm yet.

Yeah, that all makes sense

Sometimes it just takes a real partner who will work through things with you to kick start things.

Trust your instincts. I'm really sorry for what you're going through. It'll work out though.

*big hug*

Great to hear!

I am another long rebooter who has had some success but still has room for improvement. I have been trying something new for a week now and I believe it is helping alot. I did a bit of research and read some interesting things about GABA. GABA helps to regulate neurotransmitters and there actions. It occured to me that just becuase I may be recharged by no pmo and alcohol I may still be out of balance, which explained why a came so quickly when I had sex with my wife. I now take 1000mg of GABA morn, noon and before bed. Almost right away I felt a reduction in my anxiety levels and then hightened sence of sensation in my body. Last night I had amazing sex with my wife (and again this morning). I had rock hard wood and lasted longer than I needed to to get the job done for her.
There is alot of conflicting research and opinions on GABA. Some say it cant cross the blood brain barrier and is therefore useless and others say it finds its way in via the pituitary gland. I just know what I feel when I take it and know its working. The possitve studies showed that 3000-5000mg was where benefits began to be realized so thats why I take 3000 a day. Be aware that taking 1000mg of GABA may give you a temporary tingling and or heat sensation in your face, arms and hands about 20 minutes after you take it. Its a bit disconcerting at first but it only lasts a few minutes and it is proof possitive that its hit your system. I also take a bunch of other supplements but GABA is for me at least making a dramatic difference with "our" problem.

Hi, great job with the

Hi, great job with the rebooting,

I was just wondering if your libido is getting normal and ED is under control, why are you using cialis?

I've also noticed that when I started my rebooting about a year ago, PE is much more problematic than ED. I'm actually very confident that my ED is totally gone, but i haven't had sex in couple of months. So i don't actually know the situation at the moment. Something I have noticed during my reboot is that for me there are two kinds of sex, one with full presence and kind of a slow (oxytocin driven sex?) and the other horny, more fast and agressive type of a sex (dopamine driven sex?). PE problem only occurs with the dopamine driven fast one. Also erection has been much firmer with the slow and precent sex.

I think PE can also be anxiety-related, possibly because anxiety is one of the feelings usually pressed down by PMO, sex during anxiety might light up some old pathways in brain which easily then lead to an orgasm? PE is not healed by masturbation or orgasms, it a short term solution, long term problem.

Just by reading you're text maybe you should think of decreasing the amount of masturbation, I'm pretty sure you might see great results.

Hello,

Hello,

I use cialis as it helps me a little bit and gives me an extra boost. I still am not totally over the ED. As I said, I need a lot of manual stimulation using the hand/mouth to get erect. I also still lose it during foreplay but can get it back with more stimulation. Using cialis just gives me a bit of extra security although I probably don't need it that much.

I am not sure if PE is anxiety related but I never had it before. I had sex this weekend and had PE again but felt completely calm. I lost my erection before insertion and used me hand to get it back up. After I inserted slowly and just stayed there without moving, I still ejaculated right away.

Although I feel relaxed, I don't feel horny/excited during sex. I remember what it felt like to feel really horny back in my college days and I am definitely lacking that. Maybe I have focused so much on being relaxed, breathing, etc that it's hard for me to get excited now. Still, my libido is higher than before rebooting as I now feel a more horny at random times like during the work day. It is just not uncontrollably horny like when I was 21.

I like masturbation because it gives me confidence that my erections are still strong. I think my issue is now mental so knowing that I can get strong erections from hand stimulation really helps me relax. I don't really feel like masturbation is holding me back and I definitely don't feel the need to use porn. I could try reducing masturbation to maybe once every few weeks.

Sounds good to me that you

Sounds good to me that you can relax and accept yourself on how you're doing at the moment.

I remember, when I was using hand to get erected while having sex I used to have similar problem with PE. I think that could be related to the feeling of upcoming orgasm or pressure of performaing. With years of PMO the feeling of orgasm is the most exciting thing. I mean, if nothing else can't get it up, the the feeling of edging close to orgasm does the job. Of course if you're then putting it in warmer and softer place than your hand edging is no longer in your control and PE happens. Are you having PE issues when you're using pills. Earlier when I didn't know anything about rebooting or pmo addiction, I was using cialis to be able to perform, during those days I didn't have problems with PE. Now that I have been on a full reboot for about an year, PE has been an issue but ED is gone. Like I said in my previous message, I really don't know the situation at the moment because I'm not having sex, but It depends on the type of mood or confidence i'm having. If I'm open and present in the moment, there is neither PE or ED. If I'm in a rush and horny, there's no ED but there's PE.

Are you masturbating the same way you used to do when you we're watching porn? That of course can be one thing that you get so used to the pressure and speed of your hand, anything different just makes you either cum or lose your erection. Are you fantasizing while masturbating? I'm just guessing that it might not be mental, or it depends what mental means, to me it sounds you're not balanced yet and with the issues you're having you might postpone your balancing. Maybe you could try to totally forget you're penis in sex? But if you're happy and honest to yourself and hurting no one that is just great.

best regards Kimmou

I have PE issues both on and

I have PE issues both on and off the pill. The cialis doesn't prevent or make the issue worse. How do you know ED is gone if you haven't tried sex? Can you get it up without manual stimulation?

I usually masturbate using fantasies of real girls and sexual situations. Sometimes, I just stare at the ceiling and keep my mind blank and focus on the feeling. I know I can get it up with no fantasy but it takes longer. I use very light strokes to avoid the death grip situation. Actually, my strokes are so light that when I penetrate a girl, it is actually tighter and makes me cum. That is one of the reasons that I think I have PE.

I would love to forgot my penis during sex. When I had full erections, I never thought about it. Nowadays, it's really hard not to think about it...

I've been in a sexual

I've been in a sexual situations with my wife without an actual intercourse + morning woods and sometimes just get hard by looking my wife. Also when I fantasize of her, i'll get an solid erection without manual stimulation. And the times we have had sex ED hasn't been an issue. I'm able to relax and don't take so much pressure on getting it up.

Earlier when I was still living in a sick world of porn, I couldn't get it up without manual stimulation when I was wathcing it. So the situation was really bad. Now with about 16 months without porn, I'm happy how i'm doing physically, but very sad about the fact that my spouse doesn't want to have a sexual relationship anymore because of porn and all the lying and betrayal behind that. So it's tough sometimes to know where I'm actually going at the moment.

It's not unusual

for women to need time to trust again. Maybe a counselor could help. Here's a good book on the subject: Love You, Hate the Porn. It does a good job with both perspectives.

I'm really proud of you for your courage in changing. I hope your sweetie comes around. Remember the bonding behaviors. They're a sneaky way of calming her defensiveness. The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

you quit porn...

...you can quit masturbation. At least for awhile. When you aren't masturbating, everything is more likely to click into place for you. Premature ejaculation and being concerned about your penis and erections goes away. Even more so if you can have sex without orgasm at least for awhile. Just insert your penis and just be there in pleasure-land with your partner. 

All the issues you talk about will probably melt away. This can be something you try for just 3 or 4 weeks. And it can be life changing. 

Read up here on Karezza and give it a whirl. Stop having orgasms at all for awhile. It will change your world completely as it did mine. Erection concerns and PE became a thing of the past, in my world.

I have read a bit about

I have read a bit about karezza and many of your posts. I could easily go without masturbation for as long as I needed and I did for 5 months but I'm not sure if it helped. My therapist told me to masturbate and practice being relaxed. I suppose I could try no masturbation again for 3-4 weeks again while still having sex. I'm kind of at a loss in terms of what to do because I'm getting different advise from people.

well you're the best judge

it seems that you are still a bit anxious about this. I would quit masturbating for awhile and just try it out. Perhaps the phase you are in is different now and that might be better for now. Who knows. It's all an experiment!

 

 

An update here.

An update here.

I have had sex 4 times since the summer. I cut way back on masturbation and have only done it about 2-3 times since August. I don't know if that has helped but I figured I would give it another shot. My premature ejaculation is starting to go away. I had sex twice in the last week and was able to last 5-10 minutes and switched positions a few times. When I felt like I would cum, I would just stop all action or pull out, so I was not thrusting the whole time.

I did not use a condom so the anxiety of putting a condom on was not there. I am sure that helped me a little bit in terms of relaxing. Libido has been on and off for the last few months. I have had a busy few months and I didn't sleep as much as I would have liked, so that may have played a role.

On the ED side, the last 4 times did not require me to use my hand. I was able to get it up by making out, grinding, or getting a bit of oral sex. So ability to get an erection seems to be improving a lot.

I'm going to continue abstaining from porn and masturbation but plan to have sex to orgasm as much as I can. I also went to a urologist/encocrinolgist and after 5 years of getting blood tests, they have finally acknowledge my testosterone is in the low range for a thirty year old guy that lifts weights and runs every day. The urologist suggested I take clomid to get my body to naturally produce more testosterone to see if it works. I'm still considering that.

So overall, things are progressing very slowly but, in the right direction. Wondering why my libido is so low these days though. It's as if my brain doesn't want sex anymore. I find that my libido won't kick in until I'm actually about to have sex with a girl. Even 5 minutes before, I am flatlined.

Thanks for your report

I'm not sure that what we think of as normal (which seems to be normal during early adolescence) is really "normal." That is, especially guys who watch a lot of porn think they are supposed to have rock-hard erections whenever they see a hottie. Even the porn stars don't. Most get injections into their penises, or take Viagra to ensure those erections.

The late Australian tantra teacher Barry Long taught that "normal" is to become aroused just as you do: when sex is imminent. And not at any other time. He says that being overheated all the time is simply a function of fantasizing about sex too much.

Mind you, I think there's a wider range of "normal" than he did. But my point is that you may also be normal. I doubt our ancestors ran around with erections all the time. They would have got very little accomplished if they had. Wink

That makes sense. I think

That makes sense. I think there is probably a range for libido. I know what my range was before I used porn, so I'm trying to get back to that level. I think I'm in the last stages of rebooting/rewiring. While I don't have problems achieving erections anymore (using cialis at least), I still don't feel like I can sustain them as long as I need. I think it all goes back to my libido. If I felt higher libido, I would think I could sustain my erection longer.