From Confident To Creepy In A Day

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Today was day 13 for me. It was a hard day.

Whereas the last few days saw me being more social at work, more confident with people, and more optimistic in I couldn't shake off the stink of insecurity and anti-social awkwardness.

With the women at work, I am usually friendly and easy to talk to. I'm making a point to start more conversations and be a warm, funny co-worker.

But there are a few girls that seem to trigger the 'creepy' vibe that I'm trying to lose.

These are the cute girls. Though I'm not actually attracted to them, I know they have the 'cute girl' status, and for some reason, they show up, and I go from normal, open and confident, to closed off, quiet and creepy. (queue Twilight Zone music)

I don't get it! I've been doing so well recently. And I'm not even attracted to them. There's just a chemical reaction that happens when they're near.

Hearing them laughing with the other guys, hearing everyone joking and having a great time, seeing how easy it is for them to banter about nonsense and giggle about it takes me back to where I was before when I was a PMO troll.

It's like knowing you smell really bad but can't do anything about it, while everyone around you can smell it and does their best to be polite and not say anything.

I had hoped that 13 days would mean I'm far enough away from PMO that I don't go back to being the creep.

I hate being the creep.

But I also had some really nice moments today. Can't forget those moments.

Tomorrow is 2 weeks! And the weekend! Hallelujah!! (queue Handel music)


Confidence is a delicate

Confidence is a delicate during the reboot. At least you are noticing this feeling when it is coming up around women of a certain type. Part of recovery is getting in touch with how you are feeling and pairing tem with your triggers. In this case, this type of woman triggers this in you. It is likely to be some form of shame, which isn't unusual when dealing with these kind of women. They have a certain power and confidence over most men and it has to do with triggering this shame. It's a form of shit-testing gone crazy and is just their default M.O.

In the meantime, there are a 1000 things you can do to help boost your esteem. Get in the habit of taking care of yourself and your addiction and this creepy vibe will start to go away.

Makes a lot of sense

It is a shame game. I like the way you describe the process. The cute girls have triggered this shame and creepy vibe in me my whole life. It's become a lame dance we have with eachother.

But I am shedding more of this default shame with each day I get farther from PMO. Hopefully their "power" over me will fade as my reboot continues, because it's just silly. Truly silly. I'm not a creep. (sorry Radiohead)

Thanks for the wise words, Rock.

You mentioned the 1000 things you can do to help boost self esteem. Which ones have worked best for you?

Having watched shame melt in

Having watched shame melt in my own life from adhering to this process, it works. PMO addiction (or any addiction for that matter) takes away from your life what you could be investing in personal growth. These same girls could be jocking you with a perceptual shift on your end. It goes to show how tenuous our default relationships are with people.

As far as the things that help the best to boost self-esteem-
It takes time and patience, but anything that brings you a sense of accomplishment. Get into the habit of feeling the small increments of success from these things and down the road, you'll notice a shift. I look back 2 years ago and theres a big difference, but day-to-day, not so much.

A couple of things that I have learned from this site that are helping me are:

Exercise- you can mold your body into nearly any desired shape. Look at before and after pictures of similar cases to yourself. Plus, the body and mind benefit from this. I am a lot more emotionally stable and grounded when I am regularly exercising. Confidence is boosted because you are more "into your body" and dont feel so disconnected with it. We evolved with exercise.

Social Skills- Finding ways to expose yourself to groups and become socially savvy. This is key to a lot of things in life, plus when you decide to date in the future, this will be the most important thing. We dont regulate our emotions on our own either. Move from being isolated and self-absorbed on the internet to a socially superior and integrated person. The world opens up and people are very interesting. A lot of our brain development is a result of needing to handle the complexity of behavior from other primates. Its a deep-seated need and we are a fraction of what we are without this. You'll get cravings for being social once you get into it. Like exercise, there are no bounds here.

Diet- Mess around with eating cleaner and drinking water. Eliminate fast foods and processed foods, and limit high glyco carbs. Eat real foods. When you are feeling better, your esteem naturally follows. Find what works for you here.

Meditation- A lot successful people from 12 step groups swear by both exercise and meditation. You think more clearly and are less reactive, make better decisions, have a better handle on life, and are more integrated.

Therapy- we all need it:)

Discovering and following your real purpose- art, science, career, whatever you can put your heart and soul into and enjoy. Mine is academia/research and career. I lifts me up when I dont feel like doing things and allows me to focus on something that is personally important.

12 step groups are addiction

12 step groups are addiction recovery groups based on the Alcoholic Anonymus (AA) groups. Now there are recovery groups for all different kinds of addictions. Narcotics Anonymous, Marijuana Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA).

They work based on group therapy-type techniques and being in a genuine atmosphere of trust and understanding. I benefitted enormously from SLAA groups in the past and made close and deep friendships.

Well said.

I had to read your comment a few times before I understood it.

What I guess I'm complaining about is how the same mechanism does NOT attract women I AM attracted too.

But I'm hoping either that will change as I reboot for a long time, or I won't care after a while. Both would be wins.

Stay strong, Cade.

Oh man..

what a great reply. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on what has worked for you. It's funny how the basics are forgotten when we try to get all 'fancy' with a reboot. I'll be working on all of the above immediately.

Much appreciated.