As part of my socializing diet, I’m also trying to do less. I can plan more than any human can do and then that collapses at some point. I wear myself out. In that void, everything addictive can take hold.
This is surprisingly difficult. Perhaps I’m addicted to socializing as an escape or just for the novelty. I’m not socializing in the social butterfly sense. It’s more an intimacy quest that fails much of the time. I rarely go back to the same place twice, though there are exceptions for perhaps their own addictive reasons.
I’m trying to think of strategies to make this work better. One method is a top 5 or 2 tasks that sit there until done. That isn’t practical with many of my to dos. And I resist lists. Another idea is to shift the seeking. This seems to be going somewhere I can’t yet understand. What I mean is that if I’m drawn to do A, I instead choose to do B (from among my many things that need to get done) with that time. More gets done although I feel some hesitancy, withdrawal, etc. I also can feel empowered form this redirection. It’s a sort of redX (though I never tried that with porn). While subtle, these changes seem intense and sometimes I’m doing nothing while stuck in the which way stage. I can have discombobulating feelings like I’m rebuilding neural structures. Without the structures, I have to double back and find a new neural path. It’s all a little crazy making.
This madness is leading to good insights. I guess I just have to be gentle now. This seems a naturally progressive stage. I’m reassembling addiction and fasting understandings into all areas of life. I have this sense that more and broader life progress is coming. I’ve been stuck for a while. This feels a little like rebooting life. There’s no roadmap and every day is new. Perhaps more real life co-explorers would keep me sane and moving forward. I’m not sure how to find such persons without too much seeking.