The elsewhere bug

Submitted by freedom on
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I’ve pondered grand plans, trips, etc. in the past as things I’d like to do one day. Lately, I find myself seemingly not wanting to be where I am. It is escapism in an odd sense because it seems tied to physical space as much as anything else. I don’t have anywhere I’d particularly like to be. Without a place to go or something that draws me to a place, I might as well use a dartboard and map. Despite all my stuff, I find myself more open to nomadism. I’m not strongly tied to an area beyond limited friends and family. I’ve roadtripped, backpacked, and lived abroad some. I eventually concluded that while interesting, it’s a bit isolating to go it alone. Yet, this elsewhere bug creates an odd tension between must go somewhere and nowhere to go. Maybe it will sort out. Or maybe I need to at least temporarily go someplace else. The possibility of my disappearing creates tension in my relationship because distance is complicated and the future seems more in flux. How much that affects my own tensions around these matters is not entirely clear. My brain could have created this conundrum to keep me from becoming more entrenched or settled where I am. That then leaves me in the lifestyle predicaments I’ve been living with for a while. Currently, I’m without work and not in school. Boredom can be a devil. While I’m quite busy at times, most of my tasks are ones I’d rather not be doing and in the process my brain squirms in every possible way. I spend too much energy fighting myself, while trying to maintain some semblance of the unpleasant status quo.

If anyone wants to plug theirs or any other location, I’m all ears here or via PM. Who knows what is next anyway.

Comments

I hear you

Lately I have been feeling I am tired of living this materialistic life where you work 10 hours a day. Feel like I should just quit everything and travel the world.