Integrated life

Submitted by freedom on
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I’m unsure how to maximize usefulness and contribution by incorporating the new site. YBOP was simpler because it wasn’t as user driven. Cross-posting is extra work. Perhaps that is the best option.

I’ve noticed how my life is not very integrated. What I mean is that I have distinct and separate circles and personas and am careful not to mix them. My persona is similar while perhaps never fully me. I’ve always been this way. However, I’m wondering if this is too exhausting. Might my being only partially anywhere contribute to my general sense of a lack of genuineness in group settings? Maybe the problem is that the non-expressed parts want to have expression. I’m not sure. That feeling of others not being genuine faded a bit as I battled to be more genuine and began exploring new groups more. Yet, I am back to feeling this somewhat frequently. It a sense of phoniness as if the reality isn’t the underlying game people appear to be playing. Maybe I stopped doing what I was doing or hit some new wall or just didn’t notice for a bit while life got crazier.

Somehow this ties into the process here. Maybe I feel different with more abstinence or maybe abstinence is easier when I feel different or both. Either way, the lack of connection isn’t helpful. Luckily, I’m persistent.


I'm finding it all a bit strange too

It's my hope that when we get home and get caught up, Gary can answer  questions on Underdog's new site fairly regularly. That should help. Meanwhile people are welcome to chat here, but eventually the porn guys are probably going to have more company over there. We'll just have to see. It's our hope that we can use the extra time we have to do some writing about the porn issue that we've been longing to do.