freedom's blog

Angry women

Submitted by freedom on

I hope most women don't feel this way. It's interesting to see how many male posts versus female posts address cuddling. It could be that women can more readily pick up guys but perhaps it is not limited to that. There are also discussions on online dating sites about the male desire to cuddle. It seems women are rather suspicious of us men. I presume their brains are out of whack too.

Lifted from NYC Craigslist (no link as the page will expire anyway) and presumably posted by a woman.

Keeping my momentum going

Submitted by freedom on

I'm wondering what to introduce into my life to generate more forward momentum. There are lots of possibilities...more excercise, diet changes, meditation, more socialization...but I don't have the time, energy, and motivation to try many of them. I'm not getting enough positive inputs from my life so I'm left chasing my tail and drained. I feel like a stable mess getting tossed about in rough seas. At times it feels like porn was the least of my mess. I seem to be moving in a different direction, but it is frustratingly slow at times despite my patience.

Numbness @ 12 weeks

Submitted by freedom on

Has anyone noticed a sort of numbness as one goes longer into abstinence? It isn’t emotional numbness exactly. It seems more physical. I might not be aroused when I otherwise would be on a physical level, but I am emotional still engaged. I can’t quite channel energy the way I previously could and my own touch feels a little different. It might just be a phase like much of life. Or perhaps water fasting has made my typical life with food more flat.

The strangeness

Submitted by freedom on

While I have been replying to posts, I haven't felt much like blogging. I seem to have entered an intellectual phase which others have commented on. I want to push back into more feeling so maybe I can blog in that direction.

A year in review at 56 days

Submitted by freedom on

Year in Review

Here’s a recap of my year with some ideas mixed in the hope that it is of use to someone. I’m currently at 56 days (8 weeks. . .did my subconscious plan that so exactly?) without MO and P. There was one P exception I’m not sure I should count (27 days if it matters) because it was a weird exploration into some dark mood I got into. I put this here only because I can understand how this might make less sense to someone starting out. The world does look different after sticking with this process for some time and the orgasm lenses come off.

♥ - Fasting

Submitted by freedom on

I think everyone going through recovery should experiment with fasting. Here's why aside from the health benefits of resting, cleaning the body, and losing some weight. The parallels between PMO and food are astounding. Of course we need some food and need no PMO, except for many of us PMO is just a substitute for human connectivity that we do need. Isolated humans for the most part are unhealthy. Also, we can openly talk about fasting without any shame. Breaking the silence is healing.

Mind tapes

Submitted by freedom on

I was going to blog some thoughts, but this will perhaps be more useful. I've always had a fairly active inner mind in the sense of communicating with myself. I've got an active inner world. I don't know if I like it that way or not. It's never been any other does get tired and slow down at times. Lately, I get into an intense sort of purge mode. At those times I wish there were some way to record the stream of consciousness because the ideas seem good and come from somewhere I can't access on demand.

The frustrations of trying to be social

Submitted by freedom on

I went to a social event. I had a new wingman to get to know as an added complication. These social scenes are not my thing (yet, maybe never will be). My friends are not single so I figured I'd give this a shot by going with another guy. We got along pretty well. Other than that the socializing was a bit of a disaster. I learned about myself which is good. The venue wasn't right for me. It was too meat locker like. Girls were giving me weird glances. It seems a mix of attraction and curiosity about what was different, but of course I have no idea what they were really thinking.

♥Karezza-based fantasy

Submitted by freedom on

I was never big on porn-based fantasy. Even as a child before porn was in the picture I would either focus on just feeling or sometimes create a situation in which I could more realistically feel. I was never into magazines because they detracted from the experience. I never understood why I liked internet porn when I didn't like magazines. Maybe I got older and needed more coping meds. From time to time now, I get into a karezza-based fantasy. This is a semi conscious thing either before sleeping or upon waking. I think more upon waking.