I've been Ming too much of the last week. I want to stop this behavior, as I want to get it under control. Granted, it has been to memories of real girls (or the GF). Checking in here has been the best method in changing these habits/addictions in the past. So, anyway, just going to sign in here for the next week or two.
I started seeing a therapist, and it has helped clear negative thinking patterns a good deal. I feel great. My libido is kicking in. Real women turn me on quite a bit. Real, average women. Mm. The other night the GF and I had some awesome car sex. We just kept going, and it felt wonderful. I felt very dominant, and assertive, and it felt awesome. I didn't really feel a need to stop or to O, I just loved going at it. I really think I'm benefiting from the therapy. But all in all, I have to say it guys. I'm healed. It took nearly two years, but finally, I'm free.
i just want to be out where there is lots of skin on this wonderful summer day. beaches, pools, anything. doesn't matter.
Still slipped into MOing today. But the effects aren't so bad this time. Something interesting I've noticed happening lately with my SO is that I feel more attracted to her/more respectful. Recently, I opened up to her about some of my personal struggles, something I kept shut real tight. She was very accepting, and since then I've felt closer to her.
Feeling a bit better. Working through my depression and not putting pressure on myself to do anything. I'm setting manageable goals, and trying to spend more time with family and friends. I started working out as well. So far, I feel better, but more like "on my way to feeling better"
I'm starting to feel more libido. I can't wait until it fully comes on.
Well anyway, good lucks folks.
Today was pretty productive. I have realized that I am very negative when it comes to my thoughts about myself and my outlook. I easily bring myself down quite a bit. The additction has contributed, but after years of this type of thinking, I'm somewhat vulnerable to it. I was a huge porn addict too. I would PMO for hours and hours a day, for the past 13 years. Every day. Hardly a day off. Dark stuff at times. So, I'm not sweating it too much. I'm learning to develop ways to combat this negative thinking pattern in my life.
Last night's depression got really bad and heavy, and then I realized that I had to work through it. It's funny. Anyway, I did some pushups, and felt a bit better. I've also been surrounding myself with more people. It feels good. Depression can easily suck you dry. Anyway, I felt the libido twitch a few times. But it's only no MO day 3. Can't wait for Day 33.
Woke up feeling shitty, then had super O cravings all day, then got super depressed. I drove to the beach, walked around, and tried to get my mind off it, now back to depressed. The craving thing sucked! It was so strong. Well, day 2 marked off. Here we got no O.
So yeah, I think I'm just as addicted to Oing as PMO. I get head cravings to M, it doesn't even require masturbation. I didn't really notice this before. Hm. I definitely notice a subtle difference now. Before, it was worse, however. MOing with fantasy seems to produce way more adverse effects than just Oing alone. weird. I don't know if it has something to do with my recent depression, it's hard to say. Tough stuff.