72/5

Submitted by getmeout on
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Flatlined. Though I abstained from porn during my reboot, I didn't abstain enough from MO to feel positive effects. Once I realized this, I've been strict about it. The interest in my SO wanes in and out, but I still enjoy her company. I did view porn earlier in my reboot, and on one particular night, it was excessive. So my guess is that a lot of my progress was slowed. However, this was best way it worked. I turned off the porn first, and then the MO. Otherwise, I relapse. So right now, I'm starting to enjoy everything. Throughout this reboot I've been super depressed and axious. I'm proned to it, but I notice those two things lifting over the last two weeks. I just got fired, and I'm so happy to no longer hate going in to work.

Relationships are interesting too. I don't care/need sex at all. In fact, that's how I gauged my lack of interest in my partner. I didn't really care to have sex with her. Then I realized that I don't really care to have sex with anyone, regardless of attraction. Girls don't seem too hot - so yeah, I'm in a flatline. I must hold onto this though. Truthfully, I think my reboot will take longer than 90 days to fully heal - but it doesn't matter anyway bc I'm never watching porn again in my life.

I noticed that my moods are more stable, but I get small swings here and there. Usually I keep it internal, and I don't lash out. For example, I kept getting these obsessive thoughts about my SO seeing someone else. Then I calmed down. Soon after, I got sad and depressed about getting fired, but then I woke up feeling great the next day (freedom).

In summary: not jerking it, flatlined, mood swings, still coming out of it....starting to see the color in things.

Comments

Glad the colors are coming back

That's HUGE, as it mean's your brain is rebalancing and getting back to normal.

Sorry about the job. Are you thinking of applying elsewhere?

Flatlines are annoying, but they pass. I'm glad you're still managing to enjoy your relationship even if all the sparkles aren't there right now.