day 33 - some advice on how to talk about abstinence with my SO?

Submitted by getmeout on
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had sex last wknd...a few times. No chaser. Back to flatline, and ROCD. I'm realizing that I'm better able to control my moods. I know I don't feel great today, but I'm able to just keep going through life until it gets better. My libido during the weekend sex was pretty low. And post coitus, I just didn't feel anything. Yes, I know, this has happened many times before. The only answer I have is to lay off all sex with the SO. She loves having sex, but I don't feel quite ready to tell her WHY we can't have sex for a time. But really, for me, I think it's the only answer. Jerking it, sex, O, just slow me way down. I have such a slow libido right now as it is.

So, does anyone have advice on how I should bring it up to the GF?


You can tell her the truth

or tell her that you believe your neural pathways have become overloaded by the amount of raw awesome sex you receive from her. That you are feeling less satisfied by the encounters (the brain keeps wanting more, and you know there isn't an end to it-or satisfaction), and that you feel you would really benefit from some non-sexual bonding stuff for awhile.

You can also try karezza on yourself, and refrain from O-ing. You can tell her that you've read somewhere that too much orgasm (for a man) can... or the opposite method - as per the video currently on the front page, that you heard that refraining from O can improve...

Lots of halve-truths available to you. Personally I used the first one combined with the latter.

If you both try karezza you can just tell her more directly. I've found it much easier to not O when it isn't an option, the weirdest solution to PE, but it works for me.

I second that

You owe it to yourself to try this karezza idea. You can always go back to regular sex after a few weeks. But try this option before you give up intercourse as a solution to your mood swings and perception shifts.

Did you read this page? Karezza is for addicts (too)

Karezza can be a very good solution for you guys who are rebooting. What you do once you're back in balance is up to you, but for now frequent sex-with-orgasm clearly is not helping you. And avoiding sex cheats you of some powerful benefits.  Try the middle way. It's a time honored tradition in many cultures. Read our book if you want the history and science behind why this works.