Day 5

Submitted by getmeout on
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Stupid brain. I saw some pornographic images. Weird, I didn't get hard at all, but I kept wanting to look. I found myself watching those images longer than I wanted to. The minute I closed them though, I thought "fuck that shit" - and I didn't want to watch them. Porn doesn't make sense, because that stuff they do doesn't happen in real life. And when it does happen in real life, i'll bet it's with ugly fat people at swinger's parties. That's my guess. I wouldn't want to do any of the porn stuff to a girl I liked. And some of it would be pretty gross in real life. Really disgusting in fact. So, fuck all that. I'm still pushing strong. I don't feel guitly about my relapses. They are part of the process. Getting on a roll though - for whatever reason - feels like you're running up a muddy slope. The first part of the slope is the most slippery. And it gets less slippery as you climb up. But holy jesus, do you slip and fall on your face in the beginning.

- still focused
- stubborn resolve
- I think I snapped out of it all
- no desire for girls (flatline+my own resolve)