Emotional Recovery (Day 32)

Submitted by getmeout on
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hey guys,

the past two days have been a roller coaster. I've been learning how to express myself in the beginnings of a relationship. It was scary and intense, but in the end, i was able to do it. I've developed serious feelings for someone. Nope, not just sexual (i told her we should wait longer), but emotionally. Anyway, i'm still in the middle of that, but we'll see. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it feels great - ah well, it's part of the process.

last night i felt very comfortable socially. I was talking to a friend at a bar and felt completely comfortable talking to him. I don't think I'm 100% yet though - but I have to also regulate my own mood. A waitress approached me in the beginning and was flirting. I flirted back without really trying. I felt comfortable. But I didn't feel needy to get her number. I just didn't care.

I've been waking up really early with a lot of energy. I've been more productive, and more confident. But I still feel the lows now and again! I have to keep myself up.

No morning wood to speak of. Although I had a realistic dream with me and my friend's GF - it was a lucid dream, but I felt like it was real - the touches, the sights, and smells. Strange. Anyway, it soon passed and I went to sleep.

Well, i'm in the throes of emotinoal stuff. I've expressed my feelings for someone - the depth of which surprised us both (she had assumed that I only wanted her for sex). She told me that she's guarded with me because she doesn't know what she has to offer me. We're still talking it out. It feels good and bad - good because I could tell her what I felt, and am sure of how i feel and confident in myself, bad because I'm not sure what we'll utlimately do - it's ambiguous. Anyway, either way it's progress, no matter what happens.

I've been really wanting to O lately - the sensation feels different. I'm not craving it, I just want it. So that's that. If things work out with this girl, it still won't be some time before I have sex. I just want that sex to be with a person who likes me. Weird, right? Well, that's all I have for now.

32 NP 22 NMO