Just fucked it up again. I was feeling so many positive effects, and I'm starting a new job very soon. I wanted to be sharp, but now ...
Relapse didn't last very long though. Hopefully I can regain a good state pretty quick.
Posting my log, so you can see how I fare. It was in april 2011 I discovered my porn addiction, and I haven't been able to manage a long streak for a long time. THe record is 35 days, but that failiure kind of broke my will it seems. So any suggestions would be helpful. I plan to hide the memory brick with password for k9 at my locker at school, but I could still download movies at pirate bay and stuff. Will is key.
21 august - Day 1
22 august - Day 2
23 august - Day 3
24 august - Day 4
25 august - Day 5
26 august - Relapse (relatively short duration and small dopamine effect) Fantasy on forum triggered
Also small relapse later that night
5 days PMO free
27 august - Day 1 Relapse. Used Utorrent and fantasy on forum
So fantasy, including but not limited to forums, is the trigger. Trying again. This time, one week is the goal
28 august - Day 1 Relapse
Relapse happened due to exhaustion and anger due to job.
29 august - Day 1 drunk. edged just a little. Mastrubated to orgasm
PMO to picture. Ligth effect
30 august - Day 1
31 august - Day 2
Edging to pic of alizee. MO later
Edging to movie scenes
Edging to pics
MO in bed
1 september - Day 1
Mo while listening to music and fantasizing. Fantasy triggered, again. Was feeling heavy flatline
Mo while listening to music and fantasizing.
Mo while listening to music and looking at pic
2. september - Day 1
Brief relapse to porn, triggered by same song and fantasy
Relapse to picture compilation I made of a girl I know...
3. september. Heavy relapse to porn. Really, really heavy...
4. september. Porn free
5. september 2 x MO i bed
6. september. Porn free
7. september. 1 X MO in bed
Relapse late evening for no particular reason. Was reading brain on porn and suddenly got the impulse. Ruined everything. Lasted an hour or so.
Gotta be stronger. Don't know how to fight and win, truly. I'm gonna keep it together the rest of the weekend. Friday now. Monday I got a new job
Would have liked no brain fog then. Am also supposed to have sex with an ex. I ruined it for myself. Wasn't feeling tempted at all before that
impulse, which was related to music really. I thought I wanted to view a sexy picture with music, and boom. Fuck, relapsed twice. Stopping now
3 days without porn
Aim to go one week
I'm considering hiding memory brick with password at school.