Day 1 - 13

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Submitted by Gucci on
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So, before starting today's log I will quickly summarize the past two weeks I have gone without PMO.
Most noteworthy is the emotional roller-coaster I've gone through. One day I was on top of the world - filled up to the rim with testosterone - whereas I could feel like a sad excuse of a human being the next. I've been ranging from confidently making eye-contact and flirting with cute (and completely normal-looking) chicks to feeling a urge to back away from all sorts of social situations.

The up's has been great and the low's not so great.

For the first few days pornscenes stored in my memory would flash in front of my eyes every now and then, this has generally passed lately. I do however fantasize about REAL women/potential partners a lot - especially when waking up in the morning/when resting/when going to bed at night. I find these fantasies VERY hard to resist right now. It's not so much fantasizing about the sex in itself though, but more about the connection, relationship etc. I think parts of it is built upon memories from potential relationships I've rejected in the past - the grief of those still lingers on.

I've been spending a lot less time in front of the web-browser, TV and games. I'm using K9 to block any potentially arousing material (I know I can get around it if I really want to so I don't view it as a guardian - the only thing keeping me from PMO is myself and so I have to take my responsibility) and try not to look at pictures of women if I can.

My dingdong has become extremely easily stimulated - the other day when I girl in my class who's been flirting with me started initiating "innocent" body contact it reacted as if she was basically rubbing it.

I've found myself writing about my experiences (like I'm doing here in this blog) more often. I find it helps, if nothing else it kills time in a non-destructive way. I'm working out about 5 times a week which from what I've read will help speeding up my process, I think it's also a great output of excess energy and tbh I kind of need to be working out in order to feel good :P Deep-breathing and meditation has also been of great help.

During these first two weeks I have experienced a lot of physical anxiety (feeling the need to breathe deeply, sensing a feeling of uneasiness), a bit of difficulty falling asleep, tingling sensations just thinking about sex and semi-hard morningwood. Although ED hasn't really been a problem - I haven't gotten a 100% hard in a long time but it's risen to the occation when needed to. I've been feeling stronger and more awake, but then again it differs a lot on a day-to-day basis.