2nd Month Blues

Submitted by healthiertimes on
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It always happens during the 2nd month of my recovery - a great deal of emotional pain. Right now, I'm experiencing fear, regret, depression, anger, a whole host of difficult feelings. I hate my friendships and I want new ones, more supportive ones. I've said this for a while now, and I'm still working on it. But I feel like I want to shed off my old friendships, which don't really serve me anymore, but I'm not sure how without a lot of drama and hurt feelings. I'm also scare of being alone and being unable to replace them with healthier people. Yet, I'm so tired of the depressed angry people I feel I have around me, but then I feel like I'm depressed and angry too.

Any suggestions on how to get out of this darkness?

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I ended up

feeling much better. I've been going over to YBOP and reading rebooting accounts quite often, usually in my most despairing moments. The stories are like food for my no fap soul. If nothing else, the stories are inspiration, and sometimes I gain some wisdom. I was reading several "How to successfully reboot" entries and one of them mentioned the book The Sex God Method. While the book is definitely not about karezza, and focuses solely on making a woman "have the best sexual experience" ever (including orgasm), I found it strangely helpful.

I was able to find some information about the book's content. The book talks about how women secretly want to be dominated. I don't know if that's true; I'm guessing it depends on the woman and what one means by "dominated." However, it helped me gain some of my personal power back. I feel more right about myself. I'm not necessarily going to try to go out and dominate women, but I do feel like I might be more open to expressing and fulfilling my desires. My desires are okay. Last night I was on the moon with feeling powerful and happy. I felt fearless. This morning I don't feel quite that rush, but I definitely feel better.

Here's hoping I continue to learn to ease into my own power. I cherish the thought. I've been living in so much fear, I definitely could use a release.